I've been thinking quite a bit of this. Am I much of a friend if I'm a quiet person? It seems there isn't much for me to say except for the small talk. Otherwise, it just seems like "you question, I answer".

Sure, people (usually girls) like the fact that I'm a quiet guy because I seem to be a better listener. Go figure, it seems to be true sometimes. It just seems the other person is being more of a friend because they're acting on converstation or other actions...

Then arrives the awkward silence. At least to them it is since I'm pretty much used to it. It just seems that very silence is what deters people away...of course, it can be very well as other things.

Welcome to my thoughts people, I seem to have plenty of time with them...though I do have a job now, so it's less than usual.

Being a good listener is a great thing, so don't take that for granted. Being quiet is sometimes a good thing because you'll then discover who will lose their patience with you if you're quiet (I know it's given me insight on a few of my friends). You should try to speak your mind more.

I have the same problem as you. I tend to pause and not know what to say to my dad and other people at times unless they are asking me a question or talking about something, which is awkward; and girls love to just talk and talk while I don't say a damn word and when they stop talking I don't know what to say which is very awkward. I can't explain what it means. It could be indicative of a personality disorder if you are very shy. But I will assume that is not the case.

I have a friend that I can be silent around without the silence being awkward. I've known him for a long time though so maybe that stuff will only occur if someone knows you well enough that they are comfortable enough around you to have silence without it being awkward. I'm not sure if you'll understand that, so if you want me to clarify, please say so.

I watch a lot of movies, so maybe you will find this dialog from Pulp Fiction interesting.

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
- Pulp Fiction

Nice quote.

It makes sense that, in time, they would be comfortable with the silence. The only problem I've had is I was and perhaps am a military brat. Gets fustrating when you get to know someone, and is taken away. Time was a tough factor for me.

Turns out I may be moving again to another state. Luckily, I don't have friends, so it shouldn't be as bad a move than my previous ones...

I know being a quiet guy has some perks. It's who I am and who I've been.

I got the same problem too. Well at least people think I have this problem of being quiet.

But I know where you're coming from, cos I too, am better at listening than talking. Most times people come to me just to have a listening ear, I'm okay with that. But in my case, I just prefer to allow people to express themselves fully and I use my 'quiet' time to think of things so I only talk when I really have something to say. More of like think before you say anything.

I used to be uncomfortable with the awkward silences before. But now, when that happens, I just let it go. If there's nothing I can say, I can't force myself out and just screw the conversation up.

But then again, it's still good to just say something. At least ask a question that will get the other person to talk so that it will get you to say something as well.

Okay I think I'm rambling here and what I just said is a little messed up but I think you get what I mean. At least your type of quiet isn't the anti-social or psychotic type.

I think I know the feeling. One co-worker of mine, who I truly care for, amazes me with how easily she lets people in on what she's feeling and the problems she's having in her life. I never share these things with people, even when they seem interested. When she shares things with me, I feel like I'm a brick wall, and I suspect she feels this way about me too, although I could be wrong. It's just an awkward kind of moment for me. I listen with a genuinely concerned heart, but how in the heck would she know it with the few words (if any) I give her in return? It doesn't even approach the level of feedback I'd give some random person on a message board like this. That's one thing about myself I really want to change soon.

If only telepathic communication were a reality for humans! It could very well be a fear of not being able to (in that moment) articulate what I feel to 100% satisfaction which leads me to opt for silence.

This post was last modified: 09-27-2007 06:38 AM by jjam.

Well, it's like they say, "Be yourself." Yeah...that's me, I've been a quiet guy all my life. It is indeed who I am...

I've been trying to clear up awkward silences (at least to the other person) by saying randome words..."quack", "blah", "are we there yet"...though it only seems to work in a chatroom type of interface instead of real life...Though it doesn't really help after that...

It seems people think I'm busy doing something when I'm chatting with them because of all the awkward silences. Meh, boring life equals no conversational value...Still, a lonely life at that.

Oh man. I hate the feeling I get right after a person walks away after a silent moment in a conversation, and you see him or her approach another human being in order to remove themselves from the silence. Ouch. That sort of rejection is just too obvious for me to handle. It feels like a fluffy bunny rabbit decided to commit suicide by deploying an atom bomb in my heart.

Hahahahaha okay I find that funny cos I have visuals in my mind of the fluffy bunny rabbit.

But yes, I've felt that too, the feelings sucks - I don't wanna go there.

It's yet another reason why I don't bother trying to make new friends anymore. I've seen it happened to me countless times when I was in high school. Meh, people have done it to me online too. Ugh, it's making me angry remembering it...