Haha, aw! I'm usually like that around guys normally, i think i'd be a complete disaster waiting to happen if It's someone i'd just been day dreaming about haha.

You need to learn how to flirt. It makes the transition from daydreaming to face-to-face interaction a whole lot smoother.

To be honest I don't even think i have the confidence to flirt or approach anyone, that's one of my problems right there. The furthest I go is just to like someone secretly, knowing that it's probably the most I'm going to get right now. xx

I wrote this somewhere else, but applies:

Confidence stems from one's own desire to take a piece of the world for themselves, whether it's a relationship, a high-paying job, whatever. You have to think in terms of "I deserve whatever the fuck I want, because I'm the shit." Simply decide why you're the shit, decide what you deserve and if you do it right, confidence will follow.

Zrask i like your thought on confidence but for me it works alot better to just protend im cofedent because if you act like it long enuff youll become it right ^^
well any ways i wish i was more like you guys always having crushes. i seem to have a late reaction to every thing. if i like some one i wont relize it tell after they're gone. and thats only because i start to think about how i miss them and such. a pet or animal dies i dont feel anything tell i think about it a few years later. i think this stems from moving around alot and having alot of pets that died. so i think you guy and girls having crushes all the time is better then not having them at all. and by the way im 17

Oddly enough I've been considering that. I've got university coming up and it's a new chance for me to make new friends. I know that, if i go in from the start as myself, painfully shy, then I'll just be seen in the same light as i am in college. If I can somehow fake some sort of confidence then people might actually treat me like a normal person which might help me in the long run.

It'd be better to actually be confidant for real obviously but the longer I'm alone (especially now over the summer that college has just finished), the worse i am, and the less confidant I'll be when University starts.
I wonder though, is it really right to not be yourself?

soph x

If you want to change something about yourself, it's not really not being yourself. It's you making a conscious decision to be a better you. Self-improvement, you might say.

"Not beinging yourself" is when you change yourself just because someone else wants you to and you'd prefer not to.

You sound like you don't enjoy being shy. Taking steps to be more confident, i.e., pretending that you are, is not necessarily not being you; it's you trying to be better.

Word to the wise, though: For someone who has social anxiety, pretending alone might not work. Hence, my advice above- find something you like about yourself and use that as a basis for your confidence so that you don't have to try so hard to pretend, because it's actually true.

If you'd like to talk about this further, feel free to pm me. I used to be one shy motherfucker, so I understand a little bit about what you're going through.

I wondered the same thing myself. I just don't know, but the more contact you have with the opposite sex, the more you'll understand what you need to do.

I used to have crushes all the time too. It was horrible, I couldn't focus on anything, I'd be thinking about a particular girl for days and just idealize it so much that I couldn't even talk to her. I had like a 4 yr crush on this one girl until I saw her in the arms of her first boyfriend, only then did I realize the damage I was doing to myself. And even then I kept on doing it. I think it is because you may not know precisely what you want in a guy. I can tell you this because before I had my first girlfriend I didn't know what I wanted in a girl. I didn't know the things I could stand and the things that I couldn't stand (the dealbreakers). What's bad about that is you can fall in love with someone that is completely wrong for you.

For example I like to be hugged. My ex didn't like that. Seems small but it hurts when it comes up over and over and over. I like to kiss and be kissed. She didn't like that, and in the process made me feel like I was some sort of alien biological entity that must be quarantined and not touched at all. Do you have any idea how painful it is to have a significant other who doesn't like ANY physical contact whatsoever with you? That's why it's very important you at least have an idea of what you want in someone because if you don't you're more inclined to choose the wrong one.

This post was last modified: 06-30-2008 11:20 AM by Freakin_Amazin.

Woww. I knew I was jaded, but woww.
I'm jaded.
It's not so much that I'm not interested, or that I play hard to get, but I just assume whenever a guy takes an interest in me or I crush on him that I'm only going to get hurt. I'm really emotionally conservative, I try to put as little feeling into a relationship as I can get away with.
Which sucks, really. That's how I end up in situations where my boyfriend is telling me he loves me and I'm still deciding whether I'm interested at all. It's crappy. I hate the way I do this. I'm so jaded.
Basically, from the opposite polar end of the spectrum, just be glad you're capable of feeling things for other people without having those feelings beaten out with a blunt object. When you're done feeling lucky for that, maybe try to differentiate between love and lust a little, because that should help simplify who's worth it and who's not. Anyway, sorry I can't be more helpful, I'm just too friggin jaded.

This post was last modified: 06-30-2008 01:30 PM by Qui.

fictional characters get me all the time, i don't know why guys in cg just look so hot. But ya i know what you mean, i saw this one really cute guy at the bookstore today, i mean what would i do just go up to him and start talking to me. -Guy "why the hell is this random chick talking to me? back away slowly" i saw him later in a differnt aisle talking to another girl that was probably his gf

I don't know why it is, maybe we're just so longingly for a comapinion of anykind, someone who will notice us.