the people that i know consider me to be a great listener and a good source of advice. for the most part, i think that they are right. i've been single for about two years now, and it hasnt' been easy on me. dating freaks me out. also, i am overweight and have a big nose, and i don't dress with the trends or anything so it is very hard to catch a lady's eye. people who get to know me like me in general, but getting them to want to get to know me is very hard. occasionally, i do get to know some new people, but it is mostly because they are having issues at the moment and need someone to talk to. since i have nothing better to do most of the time, i don't mind listening and lending some good advice when it is warranted. however, i've been finding that as soon as they are done dealing with whatever they are dealing with, or as soon as they find a new lover and/or have no more use for me, they cut all ties with me and no longer consider me to be a "good friend". i don't expect them to go out with me or anything, but it just hurts when one day you know all their secrets and then the next day they are giving you the cold shoulder as they prance around talking about how "in love" they are with whoever. do i expect too much from people?

someone once told me that i am cursed because i am too good at helping people to see their good qualities. because they don't have to "earn" it from me and it comes too easily, people take advantage of me and don't feel any want or need to reciprocate in even the tiniest way.

there has been three incidents like this that happened to me since i became single. what's happening is that on top of the loneliness of being single, i'm becoming extremely bitter towards people and it is becoming harder to be optimistic about anything. there are other things that are bothering me (and ultimately drove me to find this site - which i think is a great place), but this is one that i felt like writing about. i don't expect any advice or anything. i don't even think that i make any sense. but i just needed to get it out.

thanks for reading.

I wanna be more like you in that aspect. Wouldnt it be a great thing as a dispenser of advice? Guiding the world. That's cool!

Nobody cares if you are single or not. (err... maybe 1 or 2 people that includes yourself).

Being "not single" is not something you NEED. It isn't like a magic potion that will drive away all problems.

If you get married, or have a gf? You have pros and cons just like any situation. Think about the cons, dude. What if she cheats on you? What if she dumps you for some badboy? What if she gets divorce and rakes in all the cash? If she happened to be "bad" you know?

And lets say she's "good"... Can you support her? Are you financially ready for it? Are you willing to work harder, and sacrifice the things you want for her? Getting a gf is ALOT more than what the media and society make it look like.

Snap out of it, buddy. You do NOT need a gf. Sink that into your head. Write that 1000000x on a notebook if you have to.

A girlfriend. Is. Not. Everything.


Thank you for reading this.

Hi poidog.
Usually the things you wrote happen to me too.
Also for me it's very hard to catch a lady's eye, since I'm not an attractive man, and I'm quite elusive and solitary despite the fact I'm often involved in social activities.
This being the premise, consequentially every person that gets to know me a little deeper, just "uses" me to get advice. When he/she has got it, poof! then disappears.
I don't claim this is a bad thing: actually I find it to be the only thing that can push people to step into my life unless I change my looks or my personality - which I don't think to be likely.
As for looking for a woman, I've had to face it: I don't possess those qualities which most of the women seek for, therefore I can't complain or blame anybody for not choosing me.

In other words, as I have already written in some other thread, the human being is egoist. He/She seeks only for what he/she wants and needs at the moment.

Poidog,

The good you do to others won't always be acknowledged and I feel we shouldn't expect it from the people we choose to help. Let me tell you; What you do is quite noble and I find it very respectable my friend. Those are the qualities that sets you apart from the rest and those are good qualities at that. Though a lot of people look at outward appearance there ARE people however who look beyond that.

I am no different from any of the tormented souls in this forum and I know what it's like to be in your situation as I have experienced something similar before. You have my sympathy and my listening ears and should you ever so need it...my friendship.

Hi dear,

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You can lose the weight if and when you are ready. You can even take a loan and get a nose job if it really bothers you that much! You can dress nicer, or just dress in classics---khaki pants, a collared shirt. They don't have to be expensive brands to look good. You can get nice used clothes at thrift stores and yard sales for dirt cheap, too!

Askal,

I did support your controversy post with Robin. However, part of your post seems a bit misogynistic to me. Yes, a girlfriend isn't everything. Having a girlfriends takes the following: Time, money, energy, patience. These are parts of a romantic relationship. However, men do get something out of it, too: A person to care for who cares for you; sex; companionship; a female perspective in life; sometimes good advice. I have helped steer my husband away from many mistakes in life, I think.

Thanks for reading my post too...

You're a good guy too keeper

Frizbit, I don't know if I'm a good guy and actually I don't give a damn whether I am or not. Above all, I don't like mockery.

I wrote that post only because it seems to me that every damn thing I write in this forum is ignored by the people.

Sorry if it came off that way keeper. I didn't mean to come off that way. I meant it in the proverbial "hand on the shoulder" and acknowledging you're there, but in my own humor type of way. I agreed with what you said and couldn't think of anything in reply other than a supposed to be friendly jest.