I've been lonely almost my entire life.  I've always thought that if I had just one close relationship my loneliness would be significantly decreased.  For instance, I can't help thinking that having a boyfriend, a close friend, or a strong relationship with someone in my family would make me feel not lonely.  But since I've joined this forum, I've noticed that many of the people here have spouses, children, and friends (and what sometimes seems like pretty solid relationships), and yet they are still lonely.  It's a little suprising to me, since I have always thought that having one relationship would make a world of difference.  Lots of other posters seem to share my opinion- especially people looking for a romantic relationship.

What do you guys think?  Does having someone to be close to (in any capacity) really help with loneliness?  And if not, are we approaching this from the completely wrong angle?  Should we be looking for a way to change our outlook on life instead of a way to connect with others?

Hmm interesting point. I have a husband and a child and yet I'm very lonely.I think what is missing is a warm circle of friends. I'm a strange person I suppose since I've only had one friend who ever understood me.

Relationships do help, though. I think friendships more than romantic relationships. If a person who is very lonely hooks up with someone for a relationship they might put too many expecations on that person. Then the person might freak out and leave and the person would feel even worse, more lonely and brokenhearted on top. So I think if you are very lonely you should work on making friends. I really want to, but don't know how.

Even as it is, there are always more expectations in a relationship. I know, being a perfectionist, it is very hard to control my standards. I've learned to (in a relationship) except and assume the worse until otherwise proven, so my expectations aren't very high most of the time.

But when my expectations do rise, it does lead for disaster sometimes. But that's just me; we've both learned to cope with it and everything.

i think if i had a husband who made me feel very loved and needed i would be a happier person my life and self image tied up in being a wife/mother i know i cant live without my children and i think we all need one of each its a matter of balance .its the lack of balance that may keep us unhappy , i think we all need family,friends ,spouse,children ,jobs,homes,all of these things determine happiness i think and even if we only have 1 friend ,1 child ,1 spouse,1 job ,1 home no matter what as long as we have some balance then yes we ccould be happy but if i had a wonderful spose but my baby died the balance would be gone and it wouldnt matter he was great,or if i were childless i would be unhappy until we restored balance by adopting ,same with a job and a friend and so on.
sometimes i feel so selfish and ashamed ,why am i so depressed i have 3 children i should be happy to be alive and have them and see them and not worry about everythng else but the unbalance in the rest of my life makes me not able to enjoy what i do have ,in actuallity in causes me anxiety and stress wanting to make them happy when i cant even make myself happy.when i start to get really bad and stay in bed pretty much 24/7 more than 3 days well i......
i try to think of mothers in african camps with thier babies dieing from starvation and try to tell myself at least me and mine are healthy enough and alive,i try to think of people in wheelchairs who are blind and will never see thier babies smile, its depressing to try and take comfort from others misfortunes but its the only temporary cure i have each day when all the questions in my head and the fear and lonliness get too much.
and now i cry again so i am still torn at whether coming here is helpful or not ,i feel like i want to do something anything to know i am trying and yet to try means to face my problems and it makes me more depressed.to self help ,trying to get out and talk even if its only forums and online but it just keeps going off in my head like a chant "loser loser loser loser " because i come here.
i dont loook down at others for coming to this site to hang out with one anotheri dont think of that way of others i just find it weak and pathetic in me ,i am glad if it helps you guys and yet it makes me feel like such a loser that i have fallen so far........it is very confusing,all of it and i feel like i am drowning everyday.
just too much in my head all the time

Yep, I've thought of this before. Why do people feel lonely... because they want someone to be close to. But why do they want to be close to someone? What if they didn't? Then they wouldn't feel lonely.

I tried really hard to put myself in the mindset that I don't need people... but it didn't work.

It's just how humans are... we need each other.

Yep, I've thought of this before. Why do people feel lonely... because they want someone to be close to. But why do they want to be close to someone? What if they didn't? Then they wouldn't feel lonely.

I tried really hard to put myself in the mindset that I don't need people... but it didn't work.

It's just how humans are... we need each other.

/agree

i share your oppinion compleatlly, from the time i started feeling lonely i thought that a relashionship would be the answer to everything, i still think this! but i did notice people that have this and are still lonely...i guess it's like what every person needs...i think that relashionships are the answers, but maybe as you said maybe we just have to look at life differently, i think we should find a balance in everything...i have to admit that the answer i've always had for my problems was a strong relashionship, but after reading your post it really made me think...maybe i really was looking at my problems in a wrong way...loneliness is a really hard thing to understand and i don't think any of us will understand it...but we can at least try!

I'm the same way. I always expect the worst. It's too easy for me to get hurt if I have high hopes. But no matter how bitter and jaded I get, I've always still got this little bit of hope in me. Everytime I have a nice conversation or meet a new person, there is a tiny part of me that can't help thinking that maybe we'll end up really great friends. Never works of course, but I think it's easier to deal with when I keep my expectations in check.

just having a relationship arbitrarily because you're lonely won't work out in the end. i think if i find someone who i identify with, so that we both understand each other and accept each other for who we are, then the loneliness would genuinely be cured. but just seeing anyone you can to avoid being lonely may work briefly, but ultimately you will feel lonely even in that relationship.

I agree that having relationships do help you feel less lonely. The one thing I like about school is seeing some of my friends. I'm just really lonely since I'm used to being ignored by my parents and stuck alone all day at home. My friends are usually too busy to get together. And even if they aren't, I'm not outgoing enough to invite them over.

And as for dating, I wouldn't know having no experience with it. I guess it would probably make you feel a little less lonely, but breakups would be hard. You would probably feel even worse. I have no luck with dating. No guys want to date the quiet, shy girl who cries easily, and isn't the most attractive thing around.