hey everybody,

Is it just me, or does it feel like theres something seriously wrong with us if we dont have members of the opposite sex making idiots of themselves to meet us??  There seems to be this idea that if that isnt happening to us, then we're losers and theres something wrong!!  Is anybody else in the habit of using this behaviour (no ones paying attention to me therefore im not worthy, and vice versa)?  Its certainly shoved in our faces through the media, and i find that its really affecting my self esteem - making loneliness combine with feeling bad about myself!! Anyone relate?

I'll agree with you. I've been seeing the same man for several years, but I honestly couldn't tell you if he's really, honestly attracted to me. He's never been in a relationship, slow in the courtship. I'm not used to being in relationship like this. He's a great guy, well worth the patience to see where this leads, but often I start wondering, why isn't he acting like most guys, does he not find me attractive, what's with me???? I know it sounds like I have a huge victim personality by allowing this behavior and feelings.

Kermit,

I know what you mean. Our society has these very false concepts of love and sexuality. We see fake stuff in movies, such as women orgasming the second a man penetrates her, and we think that's how it's supposed to be. Unfortunately, that has little to do with reality. The human body (female anyway) simply doesn't work that way for the vast majority of females!

As for love affairs, we are supposed to think that everything in life is love and being loved, and if we are not being pursued by many admirers of the opposite sex that we are undesirable and perhaps somehow defective.

Also complete rubbish!

No, respectfully I am compelled to disagree. What you describe is indeed a very serious defect! All things being equal, being pursued by suitable admirers of the opposite sex would vastly improve my life.

It sure feels like it, especially when your closest friends are being pursued along with all of their ex's wanting them back. I'm very rarely shown interest by a girl and when it happens I usually end up showing that interest back & that makes their interest vanish.


Life is more than being pursued by women, despite what many guys think.
There are many other things to appreciate in life. I no longer base my personal value on how many women are after me...I would never feel good about myself. I'm no longer starving for another relationship. I know I'll probably be stuck with my broken heart indefinitely, perhaps forever. There's worse things in life though.

Though it really sounds intruiging to die of a broken heart. =*(

Enough sour grapes! Even though we should hardly join in castigating ourselves for our outcast state, on the other hand, I can hardly deny that such appreciation whereof we speak, might lift my spirits. And one way or another, who will ever be close to you without first being drawn near? You are indeed poor specimens indeed if you can never esteem yourselves the worthier for your value to anyone who needs you.

Aaron!

These guys are already down...they don't need a kick!

I wish I could help them all and save them all. Eventually they will realize that through a combination of:

Sheer hard work, exercising regularly (particularly getting buff and built through weight lifting and body building) proper diet such as learning to steam some broccoli and bake some chicken breast, taking vitamins, avoiding or limiting smoking and drinking, going to church and/or working on our spirituality, giving back to society by volunteering and donating time to worthy causes, and forcing themselves to get out of the house and at least go hang out at the local coffee house and bookstore, that they will be able to improve themselves, their lives, and be less lonely.

Do you want to be less lonely? DON'T STAY MOPING around your house all day! Other than the Internet, which is a worth and valuable social tool, I want you to:

Open your curtains. Let the sun shine in. Turn on some music that gets you in a good mood. MOVE. Exercise. Go for a walk today at the park--bring a book, a journal, or an Ipod if you feel lonely or embarassed to go by yourself. With a book, you are never lonely--you always have a companion. The author is speaking directly to you and your beautiful soul. A journal to keep your thoughts, no matter how stupid or banal. An Ipod to listen to music that you love, particularly upbeat music that makes you feel energized and happy and sexy and loving and cheerful.

I oppose practicality without meaning or satisfaction. And so, I'll take a stand and say that all of our chance would be better and the less arduous if only there were anything more fun to do that boring repetitive exercises. -which would also supply a better reason to be more cheerful, unlike beating oneself up with power of positive thinking.

Aaron, practicality wouldn't actually be practical, if it didn't have meaning, otherwise it would fall into being impractical. :-)
As for beating ourselves up with the power of positive thinking, I'm sure one positive result of that would eventually be realizing we need to stop beating ourselves up. :-)

Alas, many people even on this very forum can never conceive of questioning whatever the common wisdom, no matter how consistently it ever fails them in practice. -The mechanics of prospecting for connections, rather than the meaning of reaching out.