Cooljohn,

Confidence is very sexy. There is a HUGE difference between swagger, arrogance, and just plain confidence. Women are really, really attracted to even less attractive and less desirable men who put off an air of quiet confidence.

I can sort of relate...I really can't see myself in a relationship because I wouldn't know what to do once it happens...what's to say if I have nothing to say...

It's not like I want to play "pick and choose", and see if it works out.
Fact is, if I cannot make a friend, what chance do I have in a girlfriend? Like prom, my bro suggests asking ouy whatever girl I find, but it's just not me...I rather have a friend before a girlfriend if you know what I mean...I know getting to know a person can be tough and takes time, but what if there's a deadline?

As a quiet observer, I've seen the how fun, easy, and simple ways other relationships have gone. Some people have it easy and things happen naturally. Maybe, waiting isn't good enough...

LG,
I have nothing against a Barbie with a PhD: I just try to go beyond looks, since once I've made a big mistake because of looks (we men are really dumb and weak sometimes). Moreover, I don't know how is it in the Usa, but here where I live BAs, MAs, PhDs etc, aren't a guarantee of intelligence or deep knowledge. I'm into university and I can assure you that we have graduate people who don't know almost anything about what they have studied. I don't wonder anymore how could they get a degree because now I know the drill...

This is what usually happens over here: many people I know got together while they where teenagers. The man ended high school and found a job, the woman went to university. After the woman got a degree they split and the woman ended up with another man who got a higher level of education (therefore a higher wage) of the previous.
I'm not talking about one or two cases, but the 90% of the cases.

Women are definitely not simple. *g*

You might want to try to lay back a bit and not think of it so much. It will happen when it happens. Until then concentrate on your own life and achievements. Often times as males we can spend so much time thinking about obtaining a woman that we neglect our own lives. Then honestly what does that give us to offer when we finally find someone who actually interests us?

Keeper,

Wow, very interesting. Here in the states, a graduate degree does NOT guarantee intelligence by any means (Trust me, there was one woman in my Master's program who was clearly not up to snuff) but it's a sign that the person takes learning and education seriously.

Unfortunately, we've got a problem here in the States with a mass dumbing-down of the population. Now, everyone and I mean EVERYONE is encouraged to go to college, and passed regardless of intelligence for politically correct reasons.

The Bachelor's degree used to be an accomplishment in its own right, but now is more of a second high school degree. These days, intellectuals are required to earn Master's degrees, and then many go on for the doctoral degree.

I have been out of uni for 5 years now. Since then, I've had a child and my life has changed drastically. So, it will take a Herculean effort to get back and complete a Ph.D., but that is my intention.

LG, give us some examples of 'quiet' confidence. I like this idea because I'm not a huge talker and believe it's worked for me in the past.

LG, here as well everyone is incouraged to go to university and (alas)passed regardless of knowledge and intelligence too. It's not too hard to explain what lies behind this shame, just too long
I wish you will complete a Ph.D. someday!

Hey Snow,

Part of being confident is knowing that you, despite appearance, can be a beautiful and wonderful person on the INSIDE. Sometimes ugly men can be incredibly sexy!

I, personally, try to avoid being shallow and 'lookist'. In other words, I have been attracted to men of all sorts in the past, even if they are not conventionally attractive.

I tend to have crushes on nerds. Unfortunately, they often didn't ask me out!

Quiet confidence in a man can be expressed through:

Walking with good posture. (Remind yourself to stand up to your fullest height, even if you are very tall--hunched over tall people just look as though they have scoliosis.) Stand erect with your shoulders back, stomach tucked in, and chin up. Look people in the eye when you are speaking to them--try not to be intimidated. In fact, if you are too shy you can make a trick at looking at their eyebrows or the bridge of their nose or just above their foreheads.

Try not to feel nervous with your hands--keep them in your pockets rather than fiddle around.

Smile readily and easily. Not necessarily a big huge smile, but try to be positive and upbeat around other people--including clerks in stores, librarians, etc. You can make friendly and light conversation with these people as a social practice.

Hygiene is very important. It's absolutely necessary to bathe daily, especially during the summer. Wear scented deodorant. Brush your teeth, minimum twice but preferably three times a day. Use mouthwash such as mint Listerine (that Scope stuff doesn't do anything for more than a few seconds).

I recommend a light and fresh smelling cologne--women LOVE a light cologne. It's very sexy. But not men who smell as though they've showered in it. I highly recommend Aqua di Gio, Issey Miyake for men, Cool Water, and even Polo Sport. A cheaper choice is the Aspen and Stetson colognes which can be bought at any drug store/chemist.

Last but not least, TAKE CHANCES. This life is not a dress rehearsal. We have one go (that we know of for certain). Try to keep asking people out until you hit success. Women love friendly, polite, confident men of all sorts of appearances. Don't be sexual in your chatting up. Never comment on a woman's body parts other than her eyes or hair, (not the first few times you meet her anyway!)

I could write a book..heck, maybe someday I will!

Hugs,

LG

LG write it, please! I will read it