I've been lonely for a long time and felt like giving up, like no one cares about me , that I will die alone and all those other thoughts that made me feel like I'm all alone. I was so lonely and depressed but then I just realised that oh well if no one cares about me I might as well just not focus on trying so hard to please and include more people in my life. As I stoped chasing the idea of ' oh everyone has friends in their life and I dont I'm so alone' I began focusing on myself and just doing things for me. Once I began focusing on me trying to improve my life I began meeting more people. I've made some more friends and have a boyfriend right now and I'm alot happier. I still have flaws and issues I need to work on but I'll get there. I've realised in order to be a friend , to love someone else you must first learn how to love yourself and to accept yourself for who you are with all the flaws and all.

I agree with you Sweetviki, that in order to feel better, we need to go out and do things for ourselves, just focus on ourselves a little more. And it's good to know that you're doing well

Translation: in order to be accepted as a pack member in human social hierarchy, one has to project as much egotism as others do.

The values of society are narcissism, hard-heartedness, greed and selfishness. To be accepted in this society, you need to make these values your own, else you will be rejected.

well in a way i agree with sweetviki, but i'm not sure if i agree with you mimizu too, what if we don't want to accept this values, because they are not exactlly good, yes we need to focus on ourself, but not to be as mean as others....i would never want this, but hey this is my oppinion

any tips on how to love oneself? or convince yourself to accept yourself the way you are? i have a social phobia probelm and always for some reason give myself a hard time even though i dont want to...

"Translation: in order to be accepted as a pack member in human social hierarchy, one has to project as much egotism as others do."
Thats not what I had in mind. Accepting yourself for who you are has nothing to do with egotism. Yes society has values that are not good and it doesnt mean that you should act on those values to fit in. When I say love yourself and except yourself for who you are I just mean be your own person. Once you are happy with yourself then alot more others will want to be your friend b/c everyone would rather be friends with a happy individual who loves life as opposed to someone bitter who thinks everyone is scum. I'm not saying you need to conform to make friends. You need to not focus on friends or society but on yourself and what you want out of life. When I say focus on yourself I dont mean dont give a shit about anything but you. I just mean if you feel lonely or depressed you need to look into why that is and not expext the presence of others to make it better. Being happy with yourself is not egotistical but thinking you are better then others and treating them badly is.

i liked your first message. i think i do agree with you! i think you totally right. i just need to add, you should not belive that by following that advise you'll get out of that circle!? we need to forget even that we're in that circle!
good one Sweetviki

I agree with Sweetviki. I used to depend very highly on others to make me happy and focus too much about what they thought about me. Finally I just said to myself, "I don't care what others think about me, all that matters is what I think about me". The problem is just learning to accept myself the way I am which has never been easy.