So how honest would you be if someone asked your advice on something and you thought that being honest would hurt them. Like when ye GF says do I look fat in this? and you think she dose but you say no you look great as always lol

I have a friend that was talking to me about him not being able to afford to get into the housing market. he is on a good wage an all just hes stupid with money. he has a brand new sporty car and all the latest games for hes PS3 and a big plasma screen TV that's to die for. Beserkley he has all the mood cones and wants for nothing. He also has a very poorly wife that very well could be dead in a few years and she is only in her 20's. But that's another story.

So I beserkley said to my mate that you are never going to buy your own place as long as you keep getting the new stuff like a brand new car which is on credit and all the other stuff. I told him to stop being so stupid with his money. I said you have no right to be whining over not having any savings to put down on a house as you spend on crap to much. He said I have a wife that is poorly. I said that is nothing to do with that amount of crap you buy. I mean he well buy a game at a cost of £40 and only maybe play it one time.

It appears to me that ppl really don't wont the true advice and just wont to be told whats nice to hear. He thought I was being insensitive to him and now dose not speak to me.

So how honest do you think is acceptable. I mean I was as tactful as I could had been. but end of the day I only said what I thought. There is not many ways in which you can make the truth seem better.

This post was last modified: 08-01-2008 12:04 AM by Bluey.

I think there is times when you don't say something because no good to anyone can come out of it, only harm. This isn't one of those cases. If he can't figure it out and really wants to know, there is no way that it can be explained without some of his actions coming into question.

While he didn't take it well maybe he will start to look at his expenses if he is serious about buying a house. Maybe he will decide the toys are more important.

Bluey,
If someone asks, you have to be honest, in my opinion. Tactful,, but honest. If he got mad, that's his problem not yours. However, you might have left the "no right to be whining" part out **giggles** He was a whiner, huh? Quick! Somebody call a whaaaaaaaaambulance...lol

Yes thanks for that Naleena, I edited my post

Well minus I don't think he well ever learn. I mean he's dad is exactly the same in he has everything even down to the nice car but he dose not leave in the best of placers. And I told him he was just like he's dad in he was unwilling to scarifies material things for the short term in order to gain in the long term. He did not like what he was hearing one bit but it was and is the truth.

I have no problem in ppl living like that, Its up to them. But when they start moaning about things that are only their own fault I have no time for making up excuses for them and normally do just say it how it is. i mean if I lived the good life and got into debt for going round the world or something I would not then at the end of that complain that I have no money and am in debt. I mean am a grown man, I have to take the responsibility for my actions.

And Naleema if am honest maybe I could had been a bit moor tactful then I was. Buy I really don't think that would be helping him. But I don't think he well do anything different and I loss out on yet another friend. But if a friendship is ruined that easy over something so stupid as he cannot take my honest opinion then maybe he wasn't such a great friend anyway.
And well, am not losing no sleep over that one.

Yes thanks for that Naleena, I edited my post

Thanks for what? I'm lost...lol I agree with you that you were honest and it is what you should have been-complete honest. Like I said, the problem was his

This post was last modified: 08-01-2008 04:55 AM by Naleena.

Bluey Wrote:

Yes thanks for that Naleena, I edited my post

Thanks for what? I'm lost...lol I agree with you that you were honest and it is what you should have been-complete honest. Like I said, the problem was his

Oh I thought you had just pointed out a spelling mistake lol

And ye, well the problem I have is I can't seem to ever get where someone is coming from. Used to be able to, not any moor it seems. So I always seem to be the one that dose the right thing if like I ask for a second opinion like I have here. Even when I ask someone IRL as it where I always get told I was the one in the right every time I fall out with someone. But this not helping the fact that every person in my life seems to be some sort of fucked up reject.

I seem to be the only sane person I know. We my age anyway. The only other ppl I know that have half a clue would be the ppl 20 years older or moor then me. And there not all dealing with a full deck of cards.

God ama gonna have to learn not to ramble so much you know

I would never do that, Bluey. Besides, have you read my posts? I mispell things all the time.

I can think of a few times in my past when I've said some things to other people that I deeply regret, and will probably regret for the rest of my life. I think that if I ever get the chance, I'll ask those people to forgive me and my insensitive transgressions against them. I'm not sure why, but in hurting them, I think I hurt myself even more so. They've probably forgotten whatever it was that I had said to them, but every time that I think about them nowadays, I play it over-and-over in my own mind and truly feel ashamed about how callous towards others I must have been to have let such things happen.

Bluey, I'm in no way an expert in such matters, but you called the gentleman in question a "friend." Just the simple fact that you're fretting over it names him as more than just an acquaintance. You had no ill intentions toward him; you only wanted to give him some advice that you thought he might benefit from. Unfortunately, he seems to have taken it in negative way.

If you get the chance, Bluey, you might square things up with him by letting him know that you had his best interest at heart, and that if you hurt him or offended him in any way, it was never your intention. If he needs an apology from you (whether, in your own mind, it's justified or not), let him have it. In the long-run, it will probably help you more than it does him. And after all, Bluey, if his beloved wife is dying, he may need you more than ever before too long. . . friend.

bluehawk, Let me just say first of all welcome here mate. Glad to have you

Well there is a lot moor history between me and my so called friend. Moor then I could go into on here. But lets just say that I have even be for now took him in off the street and fed him. I have put myself out for this guy moor then anyone else in my life I would say. And all this and what do I get for thanks. Not even an invite to the stag night when he got marred. I was at hes wedding mined you but I did feel a bit like an outsider there. It was a friend of his that told me that he had a stag night and he come over on hes wedding day trying to explain why I was not there. What do I say to the guy, I mean its is wedding day. Not the right place or time to be getting into a hearted argument. Well there is moor things as well. I could go on and on here. But the bottom line is I Guss its just one moor person that dose not look at any point of view apart from the one he wants to. I well no doubt see this guy again it the worst should happen to hes wife. funny thing about my life is I only ever seem to have ppl wont me when there in the shit. When everything is going well in there life there not bothered about involving me. I know you probably think this is not true or exaggerated but it really is not. And ye, I well still probably be there for him if and when the time comes.
The way I look at this is, At lest I get to put my head down at night with a clean conchens.

bluehawk, Let me just say first of all welcome here mate. Glad to have you

Thanks for your kind welcome, Bluey.

I have to admit to you that when I read your original post, I was thinking of some of my own past experiences that I have felt very remorseful over for the last couple of decades. But now that I see your reply to my post, I realize that the guy just may not deserve a friend such as yourself.

It seems that even though the guy was being very inconsiderate towards you, you still questioned yourself on whether or not it was your fault. Just the fact that you're even worried about it says that your mettle as a friend, most likely, is NOT something to be questioned.

Sounds like it's his loss, not yours, my friend.

This post was last modified: 08-01-2008 08:23 AM by bluehawk.