We split up around 8 years ago... Strange that she's still all I ever think about all day long, isn't it?

I keep searching for her name on Facebook and even Google, but I can't find her. She could have left the country for all I know. I haven't even spoken to her in about 6 years and the last time we did speak, she had just become pregnant by some guy.

I don't even know if I'd contact and talk to her if I did find her anyway. I just want to die to be honest....

Hey Shogun, sorry to hear that you still terribly miss her. I got divorced just few months ago so I know how it feels. But dear friend, it's time you let go of her. Don't look back, as that door is closed now. You need to look further. It's difficult to move on if you are still carrying your past on your shoulder. By searching for her like this you are just hurting yourself. You can not change what happened in the past, but you can still try and make your future better. Nobody else but only you can help yourself get out this pain. My best wishes are with you. Take care of yourself. Just hang in there.

If you need to talk more, then please feel free to PM me.

(((Loads of HUGS)))

Hiya Shogun. I can appreciate how you feel...I split from my partner last year...I fell in love with her big time...never known anything like it before and then wham...I was dumped...spent weeks then months thinking of nothing other than her...waited for the day when she might return.

It is a very difficult time for you but try not to go searching for her. Sometimes if we love someone that much then we must let them go. It is an old adage but perhaps one that we know maybe true. Your past has been and gone. Try and leave it there and move on to the future.

You never know...the girl of your dreams may well walk right past you one day...and you might miss her.

If you need me then feel free to pm or e-mail.

I am about if you need someone to talk to.

This post was last modified: 06-09-2008 08:05 AM by davechaos.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I wished I knew how to get over her, I've had a few lovers since, but I don't think any of them have been right for me for various reasons. Nowadays I'm severely depressed and in a dangerous rut. I literally have nothing to look forward to, no friends left and all this time on my hands because I'm becoming Agoraphobic and I just can't shake myself out of it.

But anyways.... Thanx for the hugs, (((Big hugs)))

It sounds to me like you have one-itis, which is the idea that only one woman in the world is right for you. While you might think this is true, it's not healthy. Eight years is a long enough time to brood over someone. It's time to ask yourself serious questions.

1. Is this woman unique? Have you really met no one else like her?
2. Do you simply like the idea of hopeless romance? (It sounds crazy but a lot of people like to torture themselves over love because it seems like such a lofty pursuit.)
3. How much effort have you made to move on- i.e., how much effort have you made to see other people?

Those are the main ones, really. I know I'm a tad blunt and all, but I've just coming out of this process myself, and I hate to see a brother similarly struggling.

Thank you very much Dave.

The girl of my dreams has walked past me many times, but I have like zero confidence so she never knew how I felt about her. I don't see myself ever meeting anyone again.

1. I think she is unique, yes. I don't think there's another woman alive that was like her, she was great for me. I have met other women and they have been great in some areas, but lacked in others. I find many women to be more attractive than my ex, but there was just something about her that really impacted my life. She was 8 years older than me and I think because she was older she had a lot of influence over me.

2. No, that's not it at all in this case. But I understand what you mean.

3. I've been in one long term relationship since and had two or three lovers too. But there were various problems with all of them.

Sounds like this woman is perfect. What's her name? Let me have her.

...just kidding. In all seriousness, for me, the way to get over someone is to force your mind to take control of your heart. One of the ways to do this is whenever you think of her, always bring up the negative things about her in your head. Gradually, your heart will no longer get as mushy about her because your head keeps telling it to feel something else.

if you can't find anything negative about her personally, try to associate her with something else negative that was going on during that time in your life. For example, say Johnny meets Sally in high school. Sally dumps Johnny. Johnny is terrribly broken up and loves Sally and everything about- he thinks she's perfect. However, Johnny hated everything about high school. He found the whole environment stifling and boring. The more Johnny thinks about high school every time he thinks about Sally, the more Sally becomes just another component of high school- still nice, maybe, but part of a not-so-hot time in which Johnny has moved on from. You get what I'm trying to say?

This may not help; it's a slow process. But have faith in yourself. You're probably a cool motherfucker; beating yourself up over a woman whom you were with 8 years ago has to be cramping your style.

8 years is definitely a long time. I know getting over her is not going to be an easy task but it is not impossible either. I'm not very good at explaining things, but I'm going to try. Think about it this way - you have a box (which is full of stuff) and you want to put something in it, something that is new and important to you. But unless you empty that box you can not put anything else in it. Now the question is how do you do it.

1. If you really love her then let go of her. If she is happy with someone else then let her be. Think of her as a beautiful dream
2. Always remember that you deserve something better, that's why you lost what you had
3. Just be yourself. Don't think that you are sad or something bad happened to you.
4. Try and keep yourself busy with something. Start filling your time working on your hobbies rather than thinking about her.
5. Please don't compare other girls with her. Every person is unique, you are not going to find anyone just like her. Keep your options open. Be ready for change.

This is what I have been doing to get over my ex-hubby. I still love him, I still miss him, but I'm not going to look back. If I find someone special then I'm going to welcome him into my life with my open arms.

I hope this helps. Give yourself one more chance. I'm sure someone is waiting for you.

(((HUGS)))

If I were u..I'd try to find her.
Sometimes closure comes after speaking to that person.