I've also been getting a feeling like this, as I posted in the 'Weird things you do due to loneliness' I posted;

"I often catch myself contemplating things instead of actually doing them. Such as earlier I thought to myself,

"hmmm, what should I do tonight?..watch a dvd...that would be 2 hours used up....could do something else..."

Thats pretty much what the thought process goes like when I think in a 'detatched sense' because I often see myself from the third person perspective, almost as if I'm someone else judging what I'm thinking of doing next. Its a really stupid thing to do and wastes a lot of energy, its a habit I need to get out of.

"I'm sorry, it's not JUST the relationship stuff, there's more as well, but I end up comparing myself to others despite telling myself not to. Like I said, I find myself bored with a lot of things"

I also get this, I often think whats the point in starting something if someone has already done it? But I know I shouldnt try to be like anyone else, I should be me, and therefore whatever I do wouldn't really be comparable since it would be unique to who I am.

I've also been thinking I might be slightly bi-polar, but what makes it strange is that I am totally conscious of myself when my mood changes, I am conscious of almost everything I do and I wish I wasn't, my mind is almost in a constant mode of overthinking activities and situations to the point where I get sick of doing them even before I begin.

Time seems to be a growing issue for me, but the more I think about time, the more I seem to waste it thinking of how I can use it to the best way possible. I don't know why but I've started to begin seeing life as some kind of huge race to the finish and therefore I find it hard to concentrate on one thing at a time or I find it hard to 'loose myself' in things which is what I am yearning for.

I know any great thinker would be capable of such amazing feats if they just learned how to use this instrument they call the brain wisely, I read that the Brain is just like any other organ in the body, and we are exploiting it by being addicted to bad thought patterns, and the strange thing is its usually the smarter people that suffer even more.

Think of all the famous artists out there, so so many of them were known to show symptoms of depression but they able to create the best work throughout the history of mankind, the mind is a tricky thing but I totally agree with what Crow says, acceptance is the key towards happiness, to be one with yourself and everything around you.

Yes,

I'm there as will as far trying to use my brain wisley.

Even though the past 2 years of my life had been sort of rough.
I allow myself to process my emotions and pains instead of running from them.

The reason I did this was because in previous death issues in my life..I simply
didn't process any of it. 2 years later I ended up having a break down anyways.
I couldn't accept it for what it was. I bascailly numb myself out with sex and gambling.

At time piont in time, it's been a year since Jenni died. I belive I process or grieved for her.
However ..it's almost became chornic or an addictive parttern to not being able to move
on with my life..or if I think too much about it...I'll pretty much feel like a loser and that
negative downward spirial will set in.

Lately for the past week i found myself crying alot if anyone ask me about Jenni or even mention
her name. It just retriggers alot of emotional pains or patterns. I allow my self to cry 5-10 mins.
I'm accepting this...this is whats happening with my brain.
The difference today is I won't allow myself to go into a depression or beat up myself.
I've been using a LET GO program to help.

What I'm trying to say is ..I'm withdrawing from grieving.
I'm not so much letting go of Jenni toay...I'm letting go of the greiving/depression. ( i hope that makessence)
I have to keep it simple like that...if not, I'll complicate the shit out of everything and try to out smart myself

Aonther way for me to look at it is..
It's the samething after I go through a relationship break up...I don't want to get involve again because I'm afraid I might get hurt.
The same principle is happen to me or my brain process Jenni's death in the same manner.
I don't want to go on with my life, live and be happy becuase I'm afriad if I go on and be happy people will die on me anyway and
ultimately I'll get hurt again.

Then I go into that.." it's fucken piontless" thinking.
No...no...it's not wise to think like that..lol