I am just wondering how many people here self-medicate through the use of alcohol and/or drugs as a means of "numbing" their loneliness and their anxiety?

Or self-medicating as a means of becoming more social, coming out of their shell, shedding their low self-esteem - in effect, so that they can become someone other than their true sober selves? So that nobody can see that their true self is a hopeless blubbering mess.

I know that this kind of abuse is very prominent with people who suffer from depression, anxiety and loneliness; it is something that I have had to struggle with for a long time.

And with the dependence comes feelings of shame, guilt and extreme self hatred.

Is anyone here like me?

Hi Lonesome

Yeah I used to do it. My drinking started as a teenager, it was harmless fun at first, but over the years my drinking steadily increased. When I moved away from home and lived by myself that's when my problem really started. I was on my own, lonely, nothing much to do apart from work, so I would drink. I thought the booze was my best friend, I really did. But it lead me down a path of depression and suicide atempts. Eventually I found myself in detox centres, and that's where I was introduced to AA. I started going to meetings, but it took me at least 18 months to stop drinking all together. I haven't drank for 2 years now, I had to hit my rock bottom to stop, well for me anyway. I'm still lonely, but I now can get by a day at a time without drinking. I have now learnt that I'm the only one who can help myself. All of the detox centres and rehab programs and support groups won't help, unless your willing to give 100% Stopping drinking, was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. If I didn't stop, I wouldn't be here now, that's how serious my problem was.

This post was last modified: 07-29-2007 06:34 PM by Blue Sky.

Thanks blue sky, for answering.

Controlling your drinking is incredibly difficult - The minute you start facing a challenging situation, bam! your brain switches onto automatic and before you know it you are back to where you were.

What always confuses me is this: Am I my 'real' self when I am sober, lonely and afraid - or do my true qualities only come out when I am drunk and relaxed enough to become outwardly the true person I think I am inside?

How do you feel about this?

Well, for me, when I drank I would let my guard down, like many people do. I would be more relaxed, take more chances, and be more open with people. But as my addiction took hold, I became more reclusive, I wouldn't go out, wouldn't even answer the phone, I would just sit in front off the tv all day and try to as the topic states, drink my pain away. Everyone is different, some people will drink and want to party all night, others will want to be on there own. But I understand what your saying about the differences in yourself when you are sober, and then drunk. I did like some of the ways I acted when I was drunk at times, I was open, not afraid, and some times confident, but you can't be drunk all of the time, I've tried it and it doesn't work lol. And I wasn't the same person that I am inside.
So an option is to work on your sober state, seek counseling, or go to AA, or a support group. AA did miracles for me, I have a sponser who I can phone up everyday if I want to, and talk to him about what's on my mind. But because I don't know you, I can really only speak about the issues I have had and the action I took.
If you don't have the need to drink and can get by that's fine. But if your drinking is something you can't do without, well something I would start to consider is some plan of action, before it takes over your life.

Hope that helps.

This post was last modified: 07-29-2007 09:10 PM by Blue Sky.

Hallo lonesome I think that drink just enhances the way you already feel. So if your feeling happy then it well make you moor happy but if your feeling sad then it well make you moor say.

I sometimes get drunk coz am trying to num the feelings that hurt. Its manly when am bored and feeling a bit down when I do it. But I always like company when I have a drink but thats not always the case. I never thought I wouled ever drink alone. I have always thought that this is sad. But its like sometimes I have to get out my head just for something to do. Its like that am doing something about how lonely I feel. See most of the time there is nothing that we can do but maybe when we drink we have control. Even it its control just to not think about the things that bother us.

most of the time I do not get drunk that often just sometimes I feel like doing it. But if your doing it all the time you need to try and not do that. I don't know what I would do if I found my self getting of my head avery night. If this is the case then just do what I do. keep yourself busy on sights like this are any thing that your into. OK sometimes thats not a nuff but then its OK to have a drink sometimes it dose you good to get legless sometimes.

peace out and look after yourself and give the liver a rest from time to time ye cheers bud

At first, drinking can help you feel confident and like you're fitting in, but then yes, it does start to make you feel poorly about yourself when it becomes a habit. And that's as bad as not socializing and being stuck at home with no friends. Generally, the people you drink with are superficial anyway. That's why I don't drink anymore (I only drank socially and became the occasional drunk). Besides, sometimes you can stick your foot in your mouth when you're drunk due to overconfidence.

Hi new person,

Drinking and drugging the pain away is a real technique that millions have used for many, many centuries--sadly, rather unsuccessfully.

I will admit that I have tried to eat the pain away.

It works for about 5 minutes and then you just feel worse, and even disgusted with yourself.

Is there something else you could try? Martial arts? Debate club? Chess? Anything that uses your mind and mental energy and you could express your anger and sadness without hurting yourself or others?

Hi lonesome i like the way u say that so if u need someone to talk i am here just send to me life is like a road u walk and talk some time u feel like u are lonely but yeah there is people would care to talk to u and know about you so give them chance ( like me ) okay wish you the beast :D

I think alcohol is pure evil in a bottle. Enough said.

Marijuana is good. It sedates and makes people less destructive, even creative. Also it increases appetites. While alcohol does the exact opposite (except the hunger part... I can eat like a pig after drinking)

Coke is good if girls are doing it cause they get horny when they come down off it. I get extremely talkative on that stuff, which is a miracle cause I'm as antisocial as they come. It's bad for you though, undoubtedly. Not to mention people turn it into crack which is only slightly more evil than alcohol, and I never tried that junk, but watched people puking their guts up each time they smoked it. I hate wasting food, so I don't want to try it.

Magic mushrooms are good. The only danger with this, and with acid (LSD), is that both require that you enter into the high in a positive mood, otherwise you could be in for a 'bad trip'.

Xstacy is good for mood enhancement, however it is hard on your body, and if improperly prepared, it can kill you.

Speed and/or bennies are fun too, but they're really hard on your body, like immediate negative effects are felt when you start coming down, and grinding your teeth (also applies to X and coke, when you're coming down) is a nasty side effect.

None of the above have ever helped me with feelings of loneliness other than to make me forget I was lonely for a little while. Usually I was with people when any substances were being used. I get lonely about one thing - women... or more accurately the lack thereof in my life.
My jobs have been "man" jobs. Meaning either women can't hack the work I do (Ladies don't get all up-in-arms most guys can't handle my job either) or they just aren't around since I spend nearly every working hour in isolation. Sort of makes it impossible to meet someone.
However, that is my own fault and directly under my own control. I refuse to work for less than I make now, and due to isolation, danger pay, living expenses covered, NO job can offer the same pay. So it is also true that loneliness is also directly in your control. Nothing is stopping you except you period. There is no greater foe to battle in life than oneself.

This has no relevance but it's funny-
"There's no "I" in team."
"Nope, but there is a M and E, ME get it!"
LOL, a kid said that once to his coach and it cracked me up, he probably picked it up off some TV show. Crap they're showing kids these days is unreal.

Anywho,
I'm not pushing drugs here, although I'd rather deal with someone who's stoned than someone who is drunk.

...And remember kids everything in moderation.

This post was last modified: 08-01-2007 05:19 PM by Lost in the Oilfield.

Lol, not sure if it's bad practice to double post but I sort of read the title, made a post, then read through the other posts so I'll just take a sec to respond to some other posts...

Lonesome- of all the stuff I'd mentioned the only things I had dependency problems with were smoking cigarettes (nasty habit, quit but always end up going back to it) and smoking weed. I was dependent on that joint after work every single day... without it I would become very grumpy, my nerves were shot, my appetite was poor at best, and I had trouble sleeping at night. The nice thing with weed is that 2 days max after you come off from smoking too much pot you feel right as rain. Up till that you can suffer what I mentioned above, as well as some pretty heavy depression. Plus when I was smoking heavy (1 to 1and1/2 ounces a month) I lost motivation. I'd still get to work, work 14 hrs a day, 7 days a week for a month straight with three days off each month (so still very motivated to work for cash), but after work I would do absolutely nothing but get stoned and watch movies or play video games... once or twice a week I'd head to the grocery store to restock supplies, cause I would starve otherwise. By the end of it I felt bad because I wasn't keeping up on little goals apart from work that I'd set, like working on my car, cleaning it, going out to shop for electronics, contacting friends/family, etc. So it was not a good situation. Weed does not make me social... actually it enhances my anxiety around public areas sometimes. So in moderation I find it has it's uses but if abused, like everything else, it can cause depression.

Blue Sky
Congrats on staying off the bottle!
I have never personally suffered from alcoholism since I can't seem to understand how to stop drinking, lol. I drink till I either throw up, black out, or pass out. Then I remember why I never liked drinking and I stay away from the stuff for another year. I HAVE lost very good friends and family members to alcohol. I young friend of mine recently had his legs shaved completely off at the knees after crashing his motorcycle while drunk, another down the road where I grew up was killed after driving his motorcycle at 50mph through the side of a parked half-ton, another was killed a year ago by a head-on collision in his truck with another truck, unfortunately the other vehicles driver, an off-duty police officer that wasn't drunk, was also killed. I got a great-uncle I have never known because he's been plastered every day for the last 50 years and will stay that way till it kills him. These are just a couple of the reasons I tend to abstain from alcohol entirely.
In defense it does have its benefits if used properly. My sister introduced me to drinking wine before a meal. I found it increased my appetite and also made my giddy... as long as it was one glass, it was actually a very enjoyable dinner.

Guest
My own observation of drinking would be that alcohol enhances your mood... much like the acid/mush trip... going in bad = bad trip while going in good = good trip. 'Going in' meaning getting drunk. If you get a little buzz I find it's just you sober, but with a little looser tongue and a little more carefree. Once you're drunk who knows what you'll say or do. I've done some things I would have never done if I'd been sober, or just buzzed. So I don't consider me drunk as being who I am inside at all. I am generally a caring, considerate, perhaps overly-self conscious person while sober, and I am much the same while buzzed, but when drunk I've done things I've regretted and even had to go apologize for in the aftermath, so no. I don't think the drunk you is the real you. It's the alcohol.

Bluey and Pebblette
Good points, I'm bored of talking about booze so I'll leave it there.

Lonelygirl
I've never tried eating away badness... but I can understand. I feel happy when I eat, thats usually cause I don't eat a whole lot so I get grumpy. When I eat the grumpiness goes away. I should probably eat more than I do... I'm slightly underweight for my age/size and country, but I almost dislike feeling overfull as much as feeling starved. And most times eating is an inconvenience.

That's far as I remembered... I'm tired, not feeling lonely... think that passed a few hours ago... and ready for bed.

Good Night. Lost in the Oilfield Signing Off.