When your in your room like me in college 24/7 while everyone else is out partying all weekend long, I just CAN'T take this anymore.

My heart is pounding as I speak, my hand are shaking, and my eyes are fill with tears, and my brain is wondering why am I like this.

I just want friends. I just want to be like everybody quest. I never or intended to be a social outcast. But the world is cruel, when I sit alone at breakfast, lunch, or dinner, no one even sit and invite me to their group. I'm 8 hours away from my home and I don't know anyone.

I'm just so SCARE, if I do die now, my family will be the only one there and maybe some of their friend. But I know I don't deserve this.

The only phone I get is from my mom, how pathetic, I have one facebook friend and she next room to me but I haven't got a single reply. My phone does not have any real friend number, just acquainted. If anyone want to meet, I'm currently resideing in UCSC, I'm not afraid to let people find me. As of this point anything is better. I always said I won't kill myself that college will change, but it hasn't it has only gotten worse. I feel like the loneliness person in the world.

I have no one to talk to about my feeling or my depression. I have no one to give me a hug or call my name. WTF is wrong with me. Please reply soon, everyone please reply, my aim is eckoballers2 and my email is chrisbtn8841@yahoo.com

I don't know what will happen in the next 24 hours, I just know as time pass, I get more crazy. I have endure loneliness for 8 years now, that is a true test of my ability. I know I can't endure this all my life. After all social contact is just as important as water and food. I'm going to psy tommorrow, I must have a social disorder, it the only logical reason.

I"m Just so SCARE and crying.

I'm so desperate right now that I'm giving out my phone number

(626) 674-5501

hiya chris. i sent u a pm

Nothing gonna change...I cry fill with tears as I read your message. Someone finally pm me. How can someone live without having friend or even feeling love. Sure if I continue to work hard in college, I will get a good job and probably afford anything I want, but what good is it? To me Socializing is just as important as food or water.

So I stare at my screen the whole days, waiting for someone I know to get on aim, check this forum and the other lonely board for some reply. I was formerly a peer support student so I know all about suicide prevention and that, but there is a limit to a person own mental and social self. I don't know how much longer I will last. I have been alone ever since elementary and now I'm a freshman in college. Not to mention that my parent are hella strict. When we had the chance to move to Westminster where my best friend was, we didn't move. I have also live in a racist town all my life. I never had a brother and I spent time talking on aim more than my family. I never had a dog, only one time when some random dog came by and well stranger took him away. That might have been the happiest time of my life. Oh how I wish I had a dog now to hold onto my lab. I move to the U.S when I was 2 and meeting new people might have cause my social disorder. I never meet my people back home because of the wars and so I never knew how to socialize. My sis on the other hand was back in our home country until she was 8 so she had contact. Now when I got to elementary school, I guess due to malnutrition in my home country, my lip stick out and I couldn't smile, so everyone in elementary school laught at me and made fun of me, even call me big lip. The girl that I really like slap me across the face and call me ugly. Do you see, there really no point in living now. I honestly think I'm a mistake, and I dare think this isn't a coincedence but my birthday is the last day of the year, so I get everything last? I never told anyone my whole story like I just told you. I guess I don't have much longer to live. College is too hard to socialize, everyone has different schedule. I also knew at an earlier age that I would never fall in love with a beautiful girl because it me. Everyone in elementary school was so mean to me, always exclude me from the group because of my big lips, I didn't choose to be born with a malnutrition disease. Why me? I ask that everyday of my life. If they didn't make fun of me, or if I was normal like the rest of the kids at school, I would be just like everyone else now. When I tell my parents of my big lips, they said it was natural. They don't even believe me, so those years I had no one to talk to, as a child I was lonely. I always wanted either a sibbling or a brother or even a big family. I never got anything I ask for. I mean is it too much to ask to have a brother or a sibbling? Tell me please. Do you see why I am a MISTAKE? Why kid myself and pretend everything is gonna be alright? It never will and never is. Today i even try to hang out with a couple of people on my floor in the lounge where they were watching football. After I sit with them for 1 minute, they decided to leave, and I'm all alone again. It hurt me so much that I actually went outside behind some bush and cry my heart out. I don't even cry even in extreme situation, but my limit has been reach. I dress nice and do my hair, I'm am not even a nerd, but go Fuck me, There is no place in the world for me.

he ignored my pm LoL dammit

no birth I read your pm, that is the same reply as if I would pm you.

thats the same thing as ignoring my pm LoL dammit

Sigh...why do I even bother typing on this board, it not like it will help me or anything.

I guess I will leave this board. No point in turning all my problem to the web. If I can't face it, I'll rather die instead.

i tried........................ shrugs

oh god... i wish i can call you, but its just too expensive for me, do you want to talk on MSN or something like that?
you know, nobody wants to send me PM since i join this lonelyforum and that just fine, so please stay myfriend

This post was last modified: 09-30-2007 08:21 PM by roban.