Dear Journal,

So tired.

Chess

Tried some advanced puzzles. I don't think my mind was totally there, though.

Social
Was a bit scared of people today, though I got over it. I have this theory now that a phobia is like a disease - you can't ever totally cure it, but you can treat it and send it into remission. I think mine is in remission, but it still comes back sometimes.

Literary

Wrote up the script for Cybergothika.

Technical
Worked on a few practice exams.

CONCLUSION:

Sleep is good.

Regards,
IO

This is sort of my theory. Only I do think you can cure it in a way. Well sort of. The only question is how exactly. Current mainstream medicine I don't think understands it very well and their treatments are often the wrong way I think. I also wonder just how genetic it really is. So many people today are suffering from it that I suspect there is some cause behind it. Some people are just healthier or are more resistent. Probably many factors all play a role and work together.

Can you even imagine the 60-70's today? People seemed so happy back then. So happy that some of them even decided to live in tent cities. Our society is so much colder now. We do things I don't think they would even have accepted then.

This post was last modified: 02-02-2008 06:30 PM by Skorian.

Dear Journal,

Much less tired and generally happier; its nice to finally feel like I'm back on my game, though there is so much to do.

Chess

Began playing a few chess games again today, and it seems that I'm a little bit out of practice.

Social
Had a very wonderful night with my beloved girl. She seemed to be a bit surprised when I paused trying to push her to get more physical to me, about halfway through the night, which was adorable. But I do like her for qualities above the collarbone, so that often involves just talking to her.

Literary

Wrote up Taurus Tactical Technology.

Technical
Written lab.

CONCLUSION:

Sleep is good.

Regards,
IO

Dear Journal,

So much to say, bbut the words do not seem to flow nearly as easily as I would like them to be. I think that my relationship is over, and though I know it was through no fault of my own, I can't deny that it saddens me some. She's a good person, but to be honest, in the end, her issues and blocks were her own. Inasmuch as I tried to help her, she has to defeat them herself. I'm only a boyfriend, not a therapist. One could argue that such roles are mutually exclusive.

I do wish her well, though.

I never realized how much she was fleeing her own personal demons until now. I only admired her for her achivements, without realizing that they were, in many ways, a symptom of her attempts to avoid her past. I partially hoped that avoidance would work for her, and that she could simply move on by pretending that nothing has happened. Apparently it didn't, and it bled in to poison our relationship in the end.

Chess

None.

Social

Read above. They say to do one thing a day that scares me, and I think that enduring this is pretty scary already. Though I'm not really that disturbed, so perhaps I should get out more.

Literary

None. Yeah, yeah, I suck.

Technical

Hahahaha! I passed my exam today, if only by three points. I am officially licensed. Booyah!

CONCLUSION:

Keeping busy keeps me happy.

Regards,
IO

Nostalgia colors all things into a positive light.

The 60s were a time of great unrest and struggle - it is not an accident that the civil rights movement occurred them. The counterculture, was in may ways, a rebellion against the 50s.

The 70s was the era of the final tightening of the Cold War. As the decade that hosted the Vietnam war, it was anything but entertaining.

Nonetheless, both decades had their highlights. At the least, while the presence of the enemy was there and the culture of fear was very much in place(America never regained the optimism of the 20s), at least we know who our enemies were.

Dear Journal,

I feel glad. Though I don't think there is such a thing as happiness. Maybe totally giving up is the answer, for without the agony of aspiration and hope, my expectations seem so much easier to fulfill.

Chess

Lost a game today, though it was close. Need to catch up.

Social

Everything is well, though I've been a little bit introverted.

Literary

I finished two stories for my editor!

Technical

Licensed, booyah. Looking to take on the next exam.

CONCLUSION:

The less idle I am, the more content I am.

Regards,
IO

Dear Journal,

Nothing too much to announce today, beyond the fact that I've decided to go for another license to keep myself busy. I'm pretty much cosigning my relationship to death, though there seems to be another one waiting for me.

Its interesting, though, with this other girl. For most of the time when I knew her, I didn't like her at all since she said that she was "perfect" and that attitude doesn't sit well with me. Two things changed my perception of her - one, where she began to like me(<3) and said that I was amazingly talented, and coming to realize that her talents were because of her many misfortunes as well. She was a talented ballerina once, but then had to stop because she broke her toe. Then she began a promising figure skater, and had to stop when she broke her ankle. Yet she just kept going on, tryng other things when paths closed to her. That really impresses me.

And she said something to me that resonated. "When a door closes, another two windows open."

Beautiful.

Chess

I really need to work on this. No progress.

Social

Well, I stood up for myself once when the manager of a restaurant tried to argue with me for the validation of a coupon. I got my way, too, which is awesome.

Literary

Working on another story now, this one for publishing.

Technical

Taking the next path for professional certification.

CONCLUSION:

Fruit teas are good.

Regards,
IO

Dear Journal,

Hello there.

I guess my relationship isn't that dead after all? I put my foot down with girl about how I felt that I wasn't being treated with respect, and while she said that she didn't understand what I meant, she did begin to come closer to me again.

Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself. Others appreciate that in you more than you realize; and ultimately, its all about the attitude. Being able to tell her that I wanted more from her without being angry or irrational was the important part: "I'm not mad at you, however, I do wish you realize what you are doing."

Chess

Played three, won three. I'm ranked professionally now.

Social

See above.

Literary

Finished a story.

Technical

Studied a chapter.

CONCLUSION:

Start the day with a list of things to do.

Regards,
IO

Your journal, it inspires me.

At long last, the writer has also become the muse.

Regards,
IO