Well I am sure this has been covered many times before but I feel the need to explain to you my relationships...how they have happened and where I am now.

Bear with me and I will be as brief as I can.

I met my first wife whilst at University and yes we probably did marry when we were too young...I was 24 and she was 22 but we went ahead and everything was fine. I have always been a very settled person. Never been one to find the need to go out and get drunk, never been to a night club in my life and been fairly comfortable in being the quiet person that I am.

We were married for five years before she decided to seek the company of someone else...there were the usual lies being told, but I never guessed...I never knew...and then when I did find out the bottom fell out of my world...

For the next 18 months I was very lonely and very upset...the time was spent going to work, drinking heavily after work to help me sleep...going to the gym...I was the fittest 30 year old around...would swim up to 2 miles everyday...my weight fell...I have always been thin anyway but got thinner...

I decided to join an online dating agency and as if by magic my second wife turned up...she was the opposite of me...quite large, loud...but not rude, the kind of person that would make a room lively upon entering it. We soon got married...a good choice by both of us...and life continued. We went out more than I had before and things were going well. She went to University and completed her degree and then went to do one more year to train to be a lecturer...at this point I had just been appointed to the top position in my career...and then the cracks appeared.

We began to spend less and less time together...she would often go out till 3 or 4 in the morning...usually once every weekend...and her friends would see her more than I would. I tried to talk to her about it but she just said that I had to live with it until she finished...I tried to...for 3 months...but then I got home at the end of a Friday and she was just on her way out of the door again. We had a conversation and I said that I didn't like her because she was changing and we were growing apart...that was it. Within 30 minutes we were in separate rooms.

For a while I spent time on my own and then I met my next girlfriend...good looking and a very honest and caring person...but after two months we split up. She said that she had things to sort out and that we couldn't be a couple until she had.

Shortly afterwards I met a lovely lady. She has to be the most honest and kind person I have ever met...she would have loved me until the day I died. We had 7 wonderful months together but there were doubts on my side. She didn't work and lacked ambition...the drive to improve herself...or maybe I just hadn't seen them. We were great together....

And then my first girlfriend came back out of the woodwork...the hold she had over me was incredible...we were perfect...yes I have to use that word because we were perfect together...and then she started to have problems with money...I helped her out...problems with herself that she needed to get sorted...I paid for a holiday for her to give her time and space to write the things down about her abusive past that she needed to get out of her system...and from the time she returned she was different...and that was that.

I have 5 failed serious relationships...have paid out over £100k in divorce settlement money and in lending people money that will never be returned...and I am still single.

I still talk to the wonderful woman of 7 months and she would take me back in an instant but I need time to grow myself...I have seen the errors in many of my ways...and I have seen who I truly am...but the things about me that have always been there are always going to be there...and I love myself for that.

I am the most kind, caring and loving person you would ever want to meet. I have a wonderful career. I do not have a bad bone in me.

As my title says...and I don't think it is...but there is only one constant throughout all of this...is it me is not the question...

It must be me!!

Well this is a moor positive post.

So this women here. Why did it end with her? Did you leave her cos of the other woman that come back?

Some ppl are happy where there at and don't feel the need to improve. Sounds like your an ambushers person.

I just say that its unbelievable that you have never been to a night club specially since you live here in the UK.

Divorce costs. And you soon fined out who your friends are when they ow you money. Funny how ppl can change when they think there going to make a few quid huh

This I can believe. Am glad you know it.

Its not you. People grow apart - with all the best intentions, you can't stop it happening if it's going to happen.

Certainly don't view past relationships that ended as failures. One thing I believe is that I have learnt something from everyone I have ever been involved with, even if it was learning something as simple as getting drunk on a first date is often a bad idea lol.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((davechaos)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
We love you!

Yup Steel is right, a relationship that ends is not a failure
actually from everything you've said ..i would give you a lot of credit

you were married twice, you still have a job, and your sanity..

and you have relationship possiblities..
i know it doesnt sound like much..but to me it is.

youre strong to have survived two marriages and still be okay..
it's not really you..
it's just life..

if what you want is a relationship that doesnt end ...
you can find it.. just use the experience you've gained and go after what youre looking for..

but i dont know... it's not like you havent experienced intimate relationships.. you have.
so to me .. i think you can be comfortable without one for some time..
dont completely stop looking..
but maybe just look for a stable friendship with a single woman for now...
and see where stuff goes from there..

hmm. okay
maybe this post is of no use lol
if you reply then i'll reply in post again

Things arent that good now but you seem to have been lucky to have had so many relationships.

I have only really had one and now its over (after nearly 20 years) I know I'll never have another one