Do you see your problem as simply nervous self destructive behavior, a bad habit that needs to be broken?

I believe you think too much about screwing up. As many people have said before, you need confidence! don't overanalize the different actions that appear during interaction. Believe me when I tell you that you are wasting your time. People feel comfortable when you are easy going. I agree with In The Matrix in many ways. Being needy makes people freak out. It used to happen to me before with girls: I used to call this girl in particular and talk for hours, yet I never realized that she didn't have the intention of being more than friends as I did. Easy going is not the same as stupid: read some of the messages people give you about how they are feeling. If they are feeling relaxed, but interested, then you are on your way.

You emphasize mechanics of process over motivation and connection, Leon. They see someone social indistress, and shun rather than help.

It is true that one needs motivation in order to acomplish social integration. Nonetheless, we cannot discard simple mechanics that allow us to understand the route that each piece of social interaction take. We should not push too hard if we receive feedback that indicate uncomfort coming from the other person.

I agree with this as most people become evasive when they see someone who is in social distress. People who try too hard are often seen as "stalkers" (at least where I live).

I fear that you miss my point, Leon. You can know what is expected of you, or you can risk any genuine impulse or insight.

I think I do now. Being spontaneous and genuine is the best game you can play. As you said, it is a risk as you never now the effect that can be produced on the other person, yet it is being true to yourself.

What I was trying to say with noticing the route that each social interaction takes is that you should not force a love interest if the other person only wants to befriend you. This does not mean that, if you are interested, you should show some signs of interest. I have seen many cases of people who have tried to force their own perception, being later labeled as desperate. If you are looking for love, then you should not look for it in every person of the opposite sex that you find.

That's all reasonable enough and perfectly considerate. But what I actually meant to observe was a sad tendency on this forum to seek for procedure without demanding value, leaving unaddressed the inevitable loneliness from empty exchange. That is why I had hoped for more discussion upon motivating value, before drawing any more such absurd empty plans.

Value is something that is not easily addressed as each one needs to find it within himself. Motivating value can be achieved in different ways, as there are different ways in which selfconfidence can be increased.

Now, in the initial post the problem of doing "some stupid thing", at some point, made thebadartist feel that his intention of building some sort of relationship toppled off. That is the reason why I wanted to address to that precise issue at first hand. I don't see it as an "absurd empty plan" because it is based on interpretation, something that many people lack, yet it is so needed when interacting with people. Furthermore, it shouldn't even be seen as a plan: naturality when interpreting people's responses takes a key role. That is why I said people should be easy going and spontaneous.

Moreover, I believe that there are certain types of people with whom you will always find an empty exchange. At school it used to happen a lot to me as there were some people who just didn't share my interests or were shallow in general. Then you have little to exchange with them.

This post was last modified: 07-14-2007 12:31 AM by Leon.

I'm not sure that thebadartist has much of a plan, one way or another, despite every unflagging effort. Although, I still wonder how thebadartist sees his problem, merely tactically, or might there be any value conundrum lurking unseen?

As for the dull and shallow, I suppose that's not a problem for the dull and shallow until, as does happen, the consuming emptiness becomes painful even to the dull and shallow themselves.

I think it would be a good time for thebadartist to analize his situation. Retrospective thought is advantageous when dealing with consistent issues. At this point, it could either be an issue of value or approach.