New to these forums, and I have a question for anyone who would know. I just can't see why, though I've tried my best my whole life to make friends, that I just...cannot do it. 21 years of life and the most I can manage is the occasional acquaintance. And just when I'm about to maybe finally form a connection I do some stupid thing that makes them not want to be near me. Even as a child this would happen. What do - How do normal people find success with this forming relationships...thing that I obviously have no clue about? I know it's easy for them, but I'm in some pretty desperate need of direction. This loneliness I have in my heart is killing me...but I don't want to give up and have everything I've done so far be for nothing. What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing right?

I think a lot of us here are in the same boat as you are. One thing that I've noticed about really social people is that they aren't phased when they get turned down or when someone doesn't want to be their friend. They just keep trying and trying. I know some people have better luck than other, but I think at least part of it must be pure persistence.

But how do I keep on being persistent when I try so many times and I don't make any progress?

I don't know. Too be honest, I certainly don't follow my own advice. Every once in a while I meet someone that I really like, and then I try to get to know them. It never works, but I do it so rarely that it isn't hard for me to keep doing it. I'm talking once a year at the most. I certainly don't make friendly overtures to every relatively nice person I meet. I think a lot of it is just plain luck. Some of us are lucky, and others of us are not.

Don't be needy. Don't be dependent. Hold back once in a while. Show that you're selective and critical, at least at the very beginning. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want someone who nagged and bugged you and seemed like a drain on your resources/life?

Of course, easier said than done. It's a matter of becoming a more confident version of yourself, one who has direction in life. Everyone loves to follow the leader. Be a good leader.

You can find friends if you look in the right place. I don't know where that place is.. but you just have to keep looking. If you have to "pretend" to be someone to be accepted - then it isn't right.

You are right, most really social people seem to be immune to rejection... I am really afraid of rejection.

However, I have managed to make friends with quite a lot of people by simply ignoring that fear (it is bloody hard to keep smiling and pretend somebody didn't just tell you to F off through body language). If somebody doesn't seem to friendly, just move on.

For me, if somebody is friendly, open minded and willing to give me a smile every now and then, then I make friends with them.

By the sounds of things I would be happy to be friends with any of you.

The only things that make me move away from people are things like boasting, being abusive or being "too friendly". I am repelled from people like that. I have spent years trying to get the balance right, I have it just about right to find friends, but my low self esteem prevents from entering a deep relationship with anyone... I just can't make that "first move" that others seem to take in their stride... what if the person moved away from you or never talked to you again? Anyway, that is my problem to deal with.

I have also found that trying too hard makes enemies not friends. Chill, smile and be honest. There are people like me in the world who don't give a shit about anything else. I know the whole world seem shallow and conceited, but some people are different.

I hope this helps somehow, you sound like a nice bloke to me, if you are generally positive, honest and try your best to ignore your fears (note, do not ignore your feelings, just your overcome your fears) then I suggest you find new people to make friends with because they sound liked conceited twits.

That's the problem. I make a mental note of how my interactions with people go, and I see that my mannerisms and body language are just flat-out unappealing to most people. I try too hard to be friendly and they end up thinking, "She's weird, something's wrong with her...." I mean, I've been working at this and I've stabilized my behavior some but I keep on screwing up.

To thine own self be true?

You kind of have to have an "I don't care what other people think of me" type of attitude but without the arrogance and take the positives from each experience and learn from any detected mistakes.