10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

lol...good one there...hummmm more jokes?

Haha..nice one.

Ha ha...stamp collector. That's great.

Stamp collector, all he did was ___________.
ROTFLMAO.

"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Mail'!

> > Three Men on a Hike
> >
> > Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a
> large raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the
> first man prayed:
> > "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."
> >
> > Poof! ... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was
> able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
> >
> > After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please
> give me strength and the tools to cross the river"
> >
> > Poof! ... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong
> legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost
> capsizing once.
> >
> > Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man
> prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the
> intelligence to cross the river"
> >
> > Poof! ... He was turned into a woman. She checked the map,
> hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

aw.....how cute. thnx

One day, a blind man and his dog are walking Down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic.
This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

Donna rides the bus to work every day. Today
she's in some discomfort because she has a pain in
her lower abdomen. She finally realizes that its
just a tremendous build up of gas from something
she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn't
know what to do. Then she remembers that pretty
soon the bus will run across some railroad tracts
and it will rattle and bang and make lots of
noise. She will be able to pass this gas and
nobody will know.

What she doesn't know is that the bus driver also
rides the bus everyday and has grown tired of all
the noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangs
across the railroad tracts. So last night he
stayed after work and had the maintenance crew
tighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate all
the moving parts to quiet down the old bus.

Well, here come the railroad tracts, Donna
raises up on one cheek and lets it rip. It was
one long, loud, juicy sounding fart. The bus
didn't rattle and bang like it usually did and now
you could hear a pin drop inside the bus as
everybody started looking around.

Donna thought that maybe no one knew who
did it and that she should just act natural. She
thought she should just start a conversation with
someone as if nothing had happened. She leaned
over to the man sitting across the aisle and
casually asked him, 'Do you have a transfer?'
He politely responded, 'No I don't, but the next
tree we pass I will try and grab you a handful of leaves....'