hello all, just saying hi again as it seems this is the only place i feel i can express myself. was wondering if any one lives in melbourne?
please people dont feel sorry for me and i say that with true respect to those who have offered there sympathies but in so many ways i feel i deserve what is happening to me. i sometimes think that either this life or a past life i have wronged someone or have taken things for granted and this is why it seems my life has been full of such bad luck and sadness. being so alone most of the time give a person so much time to think and reflect and to me i have had so little happiness and things to be thankful for. being overweight most of my life and just not being real smart. i get angry at those who seem to have so much, good looks,wealth ,children , lover/s,it just seems so unfair. it also anger me to see people(male and female) treat there partners/lovers with contempt and or abuse and those lovers/partners stick around. i hate to see these same people abuse or neglect there children yet the get to raise them. i used to think i was an o.k. person but now i am watching the clock as it were it just strikes me that maybe i am an asshole that deserves this.......
the anger rises when i think of the injustice....i never hurt my wife or children, never even raised my voice to the kids, and sure as a married cpl we had a few arguments , i never thought and still dont think they were violent or abusive or even loud, they just were a married cpls disagreement and if anyone can say that they have never had one with someone they love then u are a much better humen being than me..............
i feel so betrayed by life and by "god".
mick

Mick, dude, why do you think you deserve this? OK so you ripped a few ppl off. That is not normally a crime punishable by death and pain. You have always treated your wife and kids good you say. So again you have not done anything wrong. You even go as far to say that other ppl treating there partners bad angers you. This are the words of a good person and a person that deserves to be happy.

I sometimes think I might have been a bad one in another life. Reason - I seat here alone typing this to you and have been single for 15 years and have lived alone for most of that as well. I have health problems my self. But yet I look at myself as good person. I don't deserve the misfortune no moor then you deserve what you have been given to deal with. Its just luck I think.

Michael glad you posted again and you feel you can express yourself here. Hope in some way it's helping you. There are many kind people on this site.
I'm not very good on the computer either but with a LOT of help did manage to visit the chatroom, if you wanted to I'm sure people would help you with that and it may help a bit with the loneliness.
Hope you post again as there are people who really want to listen to you.

Hello Mick,
Nice to see you around again

hi to all who were kind enough to say hello.....and even a big hello to those who read but dont comment.
well things have gone frrom bad to worse(and i didnt think they could.....lol). i am forced to move .
when i was diagnosed with my illness i was living alone in brisbane and was working and doing o.k., not happy but o.k. .when i fell ill and was hospitalised, my family here in melb. were notified. my mother came to brisbane and convinced me to come back to melbourne and live with her and she would look after me...... we have been estranged for about 12 yrs. i didnt want to as i dont get on with her or anyone else in my family. anyway after i got down hear all we/i did was fight with her and my siblings,3 brothers and a sister, all of whom except a brother were back living at home.43 me, and brothers 38 and 26 and one sister 34. anyway with my condition i found stairs to difficult so my mum decided she would sell and get a new home.....we have been living in this townhouse in footscray for 7 months while she is deciding on the house she wants, sold her home in november. when i say we , i mean my mother, my sister and her 9 y.o. son. here lies the problem and if any of you can offer advice please feel free.
as i say its a town house and i cant use the stairs so i am living down here in the main living area on a single bed tucked into the corner with just a small bedside chest of drawers and this computer at the end of the bed on a small computer table. now let me share a few things with you. we have cable t.v. with 2 sets of tvs and cable boxes, one upstairs in my sisters bedroom that she shares with her son, till about 2 months ago they shared the same bed. my mother has the other bedroom and the third bedroom is for storage for the furniture my mother and sister are buying for the new house. they also have 3 dogs and two cats, all house pets. the bad thing is these dogs are large breeds, a merrima, a sheep defence dog, a kangal, a afghan sheep defence dog...they can kill a bear, and a belgian shepard.... i like dogs but not that size, and not in the house.
as these is the only computer my sister has taken it over,its mine, but to save agruments and the bullsh@t i let her have her way. she gets on early and stays on all day till about 2 in the morning,thats why im writing this at 4:06am.so i can never go to bed early. now her car has broken down so untill this week(school holidays) i have been going to bed anytime from 2am to 4am but have to get up at eight to take her son to school and when i get back guess who is on the computer , so going back to sleep is out of the question. while it is school holidays i thought i could get some sleep ins,...lmao... not a chance....the kid is up at 8 with the tv on, no chance of him watching upstairs, and my sister if she is awake banging on the keys of the computer.......yesterday it all came to a head, let me run you thru the night, .....sister was on til 2:30 so i get to bed at 3am, the cats had a fight......on my bed.....at 5am , i woke up to be severely scratched on my back....got back to sleep and then at about 8:30 two of the three dogs thought it would be fun to jump on me and my bed......now remember i have a heart problem and im not suppossed to have scares.....so i went off....the response, if i dont like it move out.......it wonderful to have l
i dont like my sister , her boy or my mother, why ? ask me and ill tell you.
anyway , i am now looking for somewhere to live but with prices so high thats near impossible...........and i have to start from sctratch.
i dont know why im telling you but i just have to vent.
mick

Man what a dysfunctional family you have. They might have let you move in but they arent being very fucking helpful are they?

Dont they CARE about your illness???

Mick,

I'm real sorry that you're having to go through this. Whilst I've no experience of living with physical illness, I can sympathise with you about the trying to hate someone to move on from them, and I can tell you it didn't really work for me either. The one saying I know is true, is that love can be the best and worst emotion.

As for words to tell your kids, I think that a lot of what you wrote here of your feelings towards them might be appropriate. I think every person that reads your posts here can sense how deep your love for them is, and your longing to be and have been more in their lives.

When my father died, with another woman and family, he didn't even think to leave any way for my mother to be contacted, to let her know anything had happened, even though he must have known more likely sooner than later it was on the cards. I don't think I could care any less about not knowing personally, anyone who would do that to a woman as loyal as my mother who loved him for 30 years+ is not worth my thoughts. But what would I give for 2 minutes to speak with my grandad before he died. I love and respect that man so so much but never got the chance to talk with him before he left us. While I'm typing that now I think, well I had near 25 years to do it and I wasted all that time... I guess what I'm trying to say is make sure you tell your kids what you really feel, that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Sorry to be so somber, maybe I should try to be more bright here but your post made me think myself about some things.

Wishing you the very best.

That is not good, I agree with RobertJW in that they did have you move in but no their not being very supportive. You need your own room. A space where you can close the door and be left alone. To sleep or just to rest when ever you like. If your not getting this and I would say from your post you are definitely not then ye it dose look like you moving back in has not real worked. How about you live in a support center or something. I can't think of the correct word here for you. Like you would be in a Worden controlled place. If you go to your social serveries over there they should be able to help. I would even think about having a word with your doctor next time you see him and explain to him that your glad for the help in the practical things your family is giving you but explain that its a madhouse and your just not getting the rest and peace that you need there. Doctors normally can get things moving and not just in a medical way but they can be helpful in other things like getting you a place to live that is going to suite your needs.

OR You have a spear room upstairs that you can not use right. well how about you have a stair lift put in? Is this possible in your place. I mean if it is you would still be able to get all the practical help you need and have a room of your own where you could go to rest when ever your liked.

hi, well things have gone from bad to even worse..........i now have nowhere to live............i can only afford 200 p.w. and i cant find anything near a hospital for that price so i am desperately looking for a place but need to share.......is there anyone in melb. that is also looking for a place....i am desperate.
mick

Oh my God