My biggest fear in leaving my "husband" is that no one will want me because I "come with baggage" as they say..so I would like to honestly know if any of you would considering dating someone who has kids.
If you say yes, do you think it would bother you later on in the long run?

It all depends. For one thing, kids are little people and are not guaranteed to like a new 'daddy' invading the place. Also a woman with kids can have much more baggage than just the kids themselves, ie the rest of the family who may feel similarly.

And when the needs of children eat up the free time of the mother it may be difficult for me personally to be mature about it.

And anyway, is your marriage that bad?

This post was last modified: 05-13-2008 08:21 AM by copperation.

how old are your kids? can you wait till they're 18 and out of the house?

I'm just wondering becuase my parents got divorced when i was 13, and i just really hated it, all the visitation schedules and crap, it was a lot moe than i wanted to deal with,

Why are you considering leaving your husband

Well my son is only 2 yrs old so waiting until he turns 18 would mean a lot of miserable years ahead for me. I'm only 23 but we've been together almost 8 years now so we've practically grown up together and just plain been through a lot. Technically we're not married and I could leave him any time I want but I feel guilty every time I try and gather up the courage to do so. I feel responsible for him because he doesn't really have family here. His grandparents who were his legal guardians passed away about 3 years ago, his dad passed away too, and his mom is up in AK. Everytime I tell him I'm leaving him he gives me a guilt trip about how he has nowhere to go and that I'm taking him away from our son. The thing is that I don't know if I even love him anymore. He's cheated on me, made me feel like dirt, comes home at whatever time he pleases, LIES about everything, puts his friends ahead of me, and is slowly becoming an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic and I vowed I would never be with a man like that, but yet here I am. There's so many things wrong with this relationship, but like I said, I'm worried that no other man would want me because a) I feel I am unattractive and b) I have a child. Yes I know, I should've left his ass a long time ago but I am afraid to be alone.

oh wow, I'm really sorry, it's really unfortunate that he has cheated on you, if he hasn't been l;oyal in the relationship, then you shouldn't feel guilty for leaving him, especially if he doesn't feel guitly about cheating on you. You're still pretty young, and if your son is also quite young, so I'm sure he wouldn't remeber. whats his name?

.. I'm not an expert on rleationships, I've never even had a serious one before.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2008 10:23 AM by evanescencefan91.

i have a neighbor down the block...I think he is a great guy. the woman he's been with for years had 3 kids of her own...the father of those children raped one of the boys and is on the run...
anyway, so they got together and had 2 more...so in total 5. Then couple of years ago she ran over her oldest son ..Steven. I think she has a website on MySpace for him. So John used to say that his son died.
It really doesnt metter. The man/woman have to be confident enough and be ready for kids. It takes a grown up..to do that.
did u ever read "the color of water?"
The guy that married the woman with her kids used to say "we have enough for a baseball team " or somth.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2008 01:01 PM by Incognita.

1 child is a baggage?how about 3 or 6?



u know my father was like that. My mother tried to divorce him 6 times lol...but everytime she tried he made her feel guilty the same way..he would start crying..fake tears of course..he was lieing. Ur story reminds me exactly of my father...he was also drinking...till he almost chocked her...literally. Then like year after they divorced she had a boyfriend. This guy grew up in a small town,was so simple and so smooth ,never screamed, did everything,was cute lol... He had no kids ..just us. They arent together anymore .Its been 10 years since the last time i saw him. To this day I miss him. And only recently when I was talking about him to my mother again, she said he suffered from depression. I doubt it though. He was prolly more diagnosed with it.
Strange thing is that i think i love my father but i never missed him in my life.

I think you should leave him. Relationships with alcoholics dont get better with time. Your son still doesnt know whats going on. Later,in couple of years, might be too late ,if ur husb starts telling ur son that mommy wants to take him away from daddy. I doubt its gonna get any better ur son will be growing up looking at him and will suffer. I wish my mother dumped my father back in college. I would have been less traumatized.

Your still young I think if you find like a single father with kids and you pair up together it wouldnt be so bad. I would do that.

I broke up with one guy 2 years ago..instantly..when to my question why he wanted to kill me he answered :"its not me, honey, its vodka"..lol.. memories of my father came over me lol...It was over.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2008 01:50 PM by Incognita.

Cheating is unacceptable, no matter what excuse he have. Sounds like he is treating you very unfairly. And he doesn't sound like he's much of a father either. At this time you really have to think about what's best for your children. I know leaving him is such a huge step, and you'd be in for a very tough time, but if it is like you describe, it must be done. Don't feel guilty. He's a grown up man and he's fully capable of taking care of himself. If you absolutely can't leave him, you must comfront him, and tell him about his problems, and that you wont tolerate it anymore.

Do you have anyone that can help you with this if you decide to leave him? Like your mother, or some good friends?

Finding a new man shouldn't be your biggest problem at this moment, but I don't think you should worry about that. Sure, you'd be more popular as a single girl without kids, but you're only 23. A young (and probably attractive!) mother should't have any problem finding interested men.

I imagine so, since i have dated three people that have had kids. I can understand the concern but it doesn't look like as big of a handicap as single parents often fear. Sure it adds another dimension. Things like finding a babysitter if you want to go off and do something. Still i have never seen anyone run off in horror when a kid is mentioned. No doubt it would be a problem to a few but not to nearly as many as you seem to fear.

On another subject, you do not have to tolerate cheating nor all the games that go along with it.

I have a son also and met men that don't mind 1 child at all.
There are so many single fathers out these oh my god. In many cases courts take children away from a "unfit" mother and had over custedy to the father.
I would date a guy with a child also..maybe one..cause I couldn't handle more crazy kids running around lol