Does anyone else find this completely unsettling unless they have some kind of shield? I haven't left the house outside of school now for what must be going on 2 years. I think I went to a funeral but even that had a kind of uniform to hide behind.

Gah! It's 3am in the fucking morning and this is really pissing me off. Tomorrow I have to leave the house outside of a uniform, usually I just skip those sorts of things and stay in pretending to be sick, but this is something I really want to do, and if I don't go it could let other people down. I tried taking a walk in my own clothes yesterday, just around the village (it's a small place, 100-200 people and spread out) in the afternoon but I got as far as the road on the other side of the street.

I really fucking hate how completely spineless and stupid looking I am, and there's not a word anyone whose seen me would say against it. Fucks sake I can't even walk properly.

It's so stupid, it's a really good opportunity (I get to fly a plane!) and I should be looking forward to it. Instead I'm here.

I kinda just wanted to get this off my chest and onto the page so to speak. I'm only posting it cause it took me way too long to type and I'd feel even more stupid than I am now just to delete it. This is the first time I've seriously worried about someone I know seeing this, only my mother knows I'm like this, and you could work out it was me I bet. I lie so much is unbelievable. I'm probably lying right now. I probably didn't try to leave the house yesterday. I probably just thought about it, but thought about how I would look if I changed in the mirror and stayed fucking put. Too many things are fucking probable in this world, nothing is certain till it happens.

I've had a fucking nuff' of this. I'll probably try and get to sleep again.

Anyone else feel the same way about leaving the house and things?

This post was last modified: 04-30-2008 12:07 PM by HiddenHydey.

I feel safer out of the house, actually.
I love to go for walks around the neighborhood when it's getting dark and there's no one in sight. And longboarding, I just do big circits through the safeway shopping center parking lot, behind safeway, to 7-11, through the elementary school across the basketball courts. I think that might be where I'm most comfortable with myself, when I'm out longboarding by myself at twilight.
But, if you can understand what I'm saying, I think I understand what you mean. I hate to go to some of my classes and I feel the same things you've mentioned whenever I go. So yeah, I know what you mean.

Yep yep I think I know what you mean I rarely leave the house when I'm home. One recluse to another, you have to remember that there is a world out there and not all of it is bad. And who cares what those people think of you? I say you do what makes you happy, damn other people, if they don't like it then they can file a complaint somewhere or something idk

It's kinda weird for me...I am terrified of people, but I like being outside. I am terrified of being home alone (too many scary movies), but it's the only way to repress my social anxiety. Lately, though, I've been letting loose and just putting myself out there.

I did have an extended period where it was starting to get scary because just the idea of going out onto the front steps, standing there for ten seconds then going back inside, was rather intimidating. I was afraid that i was getting to the point where i wouldn't be able to go outside at all. Fortunately that has backed off a bit.

I'm the same! I HATE going out of the house on weekends and stuff, but after school, I don't mind because I'm in my uniform. I know it's something to do with clothes...

I only got about 20mins in the air in the end, but it was still good fun. Couple barrel rolls, loop the loops and a stall turn but was nowhere near as intense as last time where I got to do that and more. Guess it was still worth it.

Still, I overheard people talking about me on the coaches, it was so humiliating, they must have known I could hear them. Cut pretty bad, I prefer being normal invisible me.

Yeah, I get that. If it's really late at night I feel okay around my village because I know I'll never meet anybody.

You = Me. If I figure a way out of this, I'll tell you, I promise.

i hate being INSIDE...i go out for hours at a time every single day. if i stay in the whole day...it feels weird, like when you miss a shower or brushing your teeth or something

I know what you mean. It dose feel like that. But where do you go every day? I mean sometimes I have no where to go so I don't go anywhere. I do have a bike I go out on but the whether has to be right for that and I have to feel fit enough for that as well.

This post was last modified: 05-08-2008 06:06 PM by Bluey.

i usually hang out with friends but if im by myself i like to go to bookstores/music stores/places to take photography or sometimes i just like driving around and exploring. driving is a major hobby for me.

i just always have to do something everyday. i can't do nothing. i go insane if im stuck in the house.

also i enjoy doing "mundane" stuff like buying groceries, going to the bank, and whatnot. i just hate sitting around.