Sorry, that i just come and say you something like this, i don't want to be the party crasher, but don't you think you are getting a little bit too far from the first idea, you know, the one with the letters? i thought it was a really good one...
sorry if i got you upset...

To: My Dad's side of the family.

Grandma,
I'm sorry I haven't called. Time went by, and when I realized how much of it had really passed, I developed a fear of calling. I'm scared to know how you feel about me now. I want to pick up the phone and call you, but as you can see I haven't yet. I love you no matter what anyone says, you're my grandma. I'm so sorry.

cousins,
no one ever said you have to like your family, especially the ones outside your direct family. I don't know about you guys. I tried so hard. I figured you would be interested in knowing your cousin, but I guess I was wrong. All you guys do is party. grow up, you're adults now. Maybe when you're all in you're forties, we'll meet up again. Good luck to you.

To My mom's side of the family:
I'm sorry....I'm sorry....I'm sorry......I can't say it enough. I learned from it all though. I like to think of myself as a different person, and I hope that one day you can come to know me that way. I'd love to come see you all, I'm just not sure if I can get on the plane. Soon I expect. I want to make things right, but I really don't know how. I love you.

Dear Lover,

Today was one of those mediocre days. I was alone in college, and i didn't want to face anyone and plaster on a fake smile so i found an empty classroom facing town and I sat there and daydreamed. I saw us in a park, it was sunny and bright and it reflected our moods. We sat on a tartan mat, I made us sandwiches, and we had chilled lemonade. It was breezy and dogs were running about, their tails flying, tongues hanging out, children running about, people strolling. We laid down, my head on your belly, your hands behind your head, and we watched the suns rays catch in the leaves of trees and the clouds sail lazily by all afternoon.

I hope I find you, dear lover. One day, we could have a picnic in the park.

Babygirl,
I'm scared to lose you, you are the sun, and without you, my whole world dies. I dread the day that you take your last breath. You are an angel and I can't bare the thought of not ever kissing your face again. It's not fair. In the end, we all die alone. In my eyes, there has never been anything better than you. You, my love, are perfection! I've never known another creature who can love and forgive as you do. I saved your life, and in return you saved mine. i love you babygirl

To Dad,

I wish you had played with me as a child. I wish you had said I love you. I wish you had taught me to play soccer. I wished you had let me plant a garden. I wish you had hugged me. I wish you told me I was special. I wish you had called me your little girl.

I know you loved me because you never intentionally hurt me. You just had trouble being affectionate. I know that the reason you were a great man but a lousy father was because of you're own insecurities. I know that you are at peace now and no longer feel the struggles of life and I know that you love me.

Its a shame that I had the sweet affectionate father for a short time before you died. Perhaps it was because you were under less stress and had the time and patience to see your children for who they were. You wanted hugs and kisses and I turned away because I was so used to not giving them. You wanted to solve my problems but I went to someone else because I was not used to coming to you for help. You wanted to know what was going on with me but I kept avoiding you because it I wasn't used to it. I'm sorry for not enjoying you while I could and not forgiving or understanding you then. I know you're reading this now as I'm typing. All I want to say is that I love you.

Love,
Raffaella

Dear Dad,

I am angry cause your not here but i understand you had to go. I thank you for the money you left me for college, it has helped my life out so much. i would trade the money for you but to bad things dont work that way. i wish you could see how well I am doing in school, I plan on going to Sony next yr in San Diego. Of course mom doesnt want me to move so far lol. I hope things are going well wherever you are. I am still mad because you only desided to see me when you were dying and no one told me you were sick. i was only 11 and you left me, it didnt hurt til I got older because well . . you never visted me after i was 4 yrs old. when i saw you in the hospital I was so happy cause i thought we were going to be seeing each other again until well you die, but i thought that would be when i was 50 or older. Well I am 19 now and I cry when i mention you cause i cant tell anyone about you, i dont know much, i dont even know your birthday. I just know you were a guy who made sure I was finicially secure, and for that i thank you. but i would rather have you.

-Abi

dear xgf,
you wanted me so much, you tried everything to conquer my heart. finally we fell in love with each other, praying ourselves to be together for eternity. sure we were meant to be. but soon you got bored of the peace you just brought to my life and walked away. you took my heart with you and vanished.
still after weeks and months i miss you. i will be waitin for you forever. you know you still love me why dont you care. i can feel it when youre around.
what are you seeking for? again and again you fancy loving these guys with their cars and money. but you cant win them, youre just longing for their status, you love their cars and their money not their ugly face. they know and you know. soon enough i will be on my way, i will have my money and my status. then you will come back. its so certain. and so sad.
i will never get over you. this is the truth nobody can understand neither imagine. lets just live through this lie. bye.

Dear sara,,,,,,How long has it been? Years. If you even remember who i am. God how i hope you do. Ive held off trying to find you for years because of fear. Fear that you had someone else besides you. Fear that you hated me. Fear that you dont even care or remember me. I have not stoped thinking about you since that Last day we talked on the phone at the end of a hot summer. We both had something. I had you. I had love. I had the one thing in the world i have wished for since i was little kid blowing out candles on my bday cakes, throwing coins in the Water, and watching shooting stars fly by me. And i lost it all. I had your love. God how i had your love. Im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry. Were older now. And maybe a little bit more mature. I dream about you ever night. Some are good and some are bad. Those blue eyes and that short black hair. Its like a craving all most. I see those bright blue eyes even when my eyes arnt closed. I see you when im awake. It hurts. It hurts to think of what i lost, what i dont have, and what may never be again. My little black haired blue eyed girl how i miss you. I just want to be yours. Sometimes i fantasize that when im thinking about you that your doing the same thing about me. Fantasy. I remember holding you in your basement while we watched TV. Occasionly catching your eyes looking at me. That cute little face. Or when we went to the gardens together. hand in hand. Picking you up and holding you as tight as i could. Kissing your small soft lips. and the best of all...looking into your bright blue eyes. There are many many many other things. But im gonna save those thoughts and words for another time in the hopes that i actually see you again. My dear sara how i miss you. Remember the names we called each other. i do. ----------I STILL LOVE YOU SARA AND HAVE NEVER STOPED

Dear Me,
Stop living a lie. Stop hiding yourself from others. You put on a fake face and go out into the world, forgetting that your really fucked up inside. Your anxiety has taken you over. Stop worrying. Stop. you need to let things go, rehearsing events over and over in your head is not going to change anything. Nor is thinking about the future, when you don't know who you are now. You wish you could be someone else? Then do it. Freaking do it! Life is not easy, and doing it wont be easy, but just like life its worth it when it comes to a stop.
Also, forgive your father. he is a better person now, and hes trying to make up with you. He knows he hasn't been a good dad, but hes trying ot make up. Stop being a stuck up bitch and forgive him. hes not mooching off you for money, he trying to spend as much time with you as possible. Just because he looks like shit, doesn't mean he is shit. Get over the argument, its been 8 fucking months. Remember Who called you from 1200 miles away after every exam in high school too see how you did? Dad. Who secretly sent you junk food because you mom didn't want you to have it, but you craved it? Dad. He loves you, he might not be able to show it well, but he does. Stop being stuck up and accept him for who he is. Yes, he might be difficult to deal with, but you can do it in steps.

Let your fears go.

Wow the two posts to the ex/gf's really hit me...I can't write my own even after 2 years apart it hurts...love I recived from my ex I never got from my mother. Am I doomed to be unloved for the rest of my life? If so I hope the end comes quick....