Yesterday I brought up the fact that there are no baby pictures of me and causally asked why that is, but they said something along the lines of they didn't have a camera at the time, but they had a camera just fine with the other two so......i just don't know......lol

I guess i will just keep asking and hope they see fit to tell me one day..

To Her:

I wish you would just tell me when I'm doing something wrong. Is it that you've realized that I have feelings beyond friendship for you? Is it that I've IMed just too often over the last few weeks? Am I an annoying person in general? Am I a bad person? We talked so much only about how we would never let one another go, and somehow I haven't talked to you in a week, and not for a week before that, and not for a week before that--though we live so very close. I've tried so hard to keep in touch with you without smothering you, and when I do manage to reach you you seem fine and happy. Are you happier without me there? I'll remove myself from your life completely if that's what you want, but you just have to tell me. I'm not good at taking hints, however blatant they might be.

Dear B,
I talked with you on the phone and I had feelings for you come back when we spoke. I really wish things could have been different between us. I wish you could have been more supportive of my dreams and I know you wish I could have been more happy to get married and live for "us." We have different life goals and different priorities. I have come to the realization that I am not wife material.
I feel an obligation to help others and better myself. I will never be a dutiful wife soley devoted to her man and his happiness. It is not who I am. I am sorry if I have caused you any pain. When I tried to talk to you, you didn't want to hear me. I understand. So I can tell you now, here. I know I seemed like a heartless bitch for breaking up with you. Can't you see? I did it for you, for us? I know I can not be what you wanted me to be. I felt so guilty for being myself. Guilty for going to school. Guilty for volunteering. Guilty for not giving you the time you asked for and wanted from me. Guilty for seeing you hurt and angry when you you were angry at me for not having more time to give to you. I tried and struggled in our last year to make it work. Infact, it began to seem like that is what it had become- work. Trying to keep you happy. It's not that you weren't worth it. It's that I had become exhausted. So I decided it would be best to set you free so you could find that perfect woman who could be what you need. Someone willing to love you on your own terms. I have prayed many times for that woman to come into your life. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the relationship that you want and to have what you need. You didn't want to end our relationship. I know you were afraid of being alone again. I know you said that if we love each other, it doesn't matter. Haven't we both learned that love is never enough to solve such problems. I can never make you happy by being who I am; so why should we pretend it will get better after these four years of dating each other?
You may hate me now, I don't know. But I do know you were not truley happy with me and you know that, too. I pray when that lady who is meant for you walks into your life that you remember me and understand why I had to do what I did. It may have looked as if I didn't care when I broke up with you but, in all honesty, I really did care and I did love you. In the end I had to be me. I must be allowed to be who I am or I will never be happy. I will always remember the good things about you. I love you.
Me

This post was last modified: 08-02-2008 03:12 AM by Naleena.

I walk with ghosts all at my sides, watching me, can't run I can't hide. It hurts so much just to see you when I know you're gone, but you're back again. I stand with handfuls of broken glass, heart full of questions I cannot ask, can anyone see you, or am I insane? Do they look right through you, are we the same? Questions they haunt me, same as you do. I think I'm in love but I hated you too. I walk with handfuls of broken glass, clenching my fists, I hope it will pass. I try not to notice the shadows that crawl, strange men in dark hats alight on my wall. They'll keep me from sleeping with their evil grins till the fear that haunts me floats off on the wind. I stand with fistfuls of broken glass, I'm faking a smile but I know it won't last.

Dear ...,

all I want to tell you is "Thank you very much." You made me understand a lot of things. Now I see it's better to leave you alone. Your behaviour is very childish, despite your age. I would never expect anything like that from you. But I see now that I didn't know you so well. I will never judge you, just let me tell you that telling lies and disappearing like you did is really a shame. Why, then? I see no reason for that.
Thank you anyway for doing that, now I see clearly that you aren't a special person. You are just like many others, and I have no reason to look for you again.
I hope you will be well and happy. And I wish you to grow up someday.

Why won't you pay attention to me? Why am I the first one you neglect? Why, when I have something important to say, do you not listen? Why is your leisure more important than my wounded feelings?

Why do you manipulate me? Why do you have to control everything?

Why is everything always about you?

Dear RW,
I must say, I’ve always defined you as my best friend, through thick and thin. When you were asked to leave the country, I truly believed that we would meet again. I know it’s been all these years, and we haven’t really talked. You should know, that the only other person who knows the things that you know about me…is my sister. To be truthful, I’ve kept her hidden from some of the more intense details.
I like to imagine you in a place where you are safe and happy. I expect that you have grown into a successful adult. If this is not true, I don’t really want to know. You were always a role model for me. Maybe that’s what got me into so much trouble. In realistic terms, the fact that we haven’t spoken much has probably had positive effects in both of our lives.
I found out last week that you are starting a family. I have come to accept that it is not likely we will meet again. I wish you all of the luck that a friend of your stature deserves. I hope that you are able to be the type of father that you had wanted for yourself. I want you to know that I think the world of you. Even if twenty years go by, and we do not speak, I will still consider you my brother.
Congratulations on your new life. I’m very proud of you. I’m making a mission of getting out of California. I think change can sometimes create a path to peace. Talk to you again someday…you’re in my dreams!

Love,
Fizhik

If I never get there, I'll never get anywhere. I know this. I see it when I close my eyes. I'd die.

Dear Robocop,

You suck. I hate you.

You are like the Aquaman of robots. While other robots are out there going berserk or being cool with their impenetrable death armor and awesome lasers, you are too busy walking around like you have cerebral palsy and being the police department's bitch. Your gun is also lacking and is rather lame, that's equal to having a small lame penis in robot terms. You are also kind of a cyborg but a dead guy cyborg, that makes no sense and makes you even more of a loser. Also your human face looks like a baby, I hate babies. You need to get around in a car that does not look like it belongs to an investment banker about to have a midlife crisis. Your mask is about the only thing that is kind of cool but overall you look like a gray novelty condom. If I was ever in danger I would not want you to save me because I would probably need to bail you out in the end and that's not what I look for in a hero. I can't believe they matched you up against Terminator in that one video game, he would eat you alive. In fact probably one of those handicapped heroes like Daredevil or that Ghost Buster in the wheelchair could probably rape you and spit on you if they really tried, but that would require touching you and if there is a robot equivalent to cooties, I am sure you have it. I would send you a letter bomb if I could but I am afraid if it didn't kill you, you would be inspired to go do more things and lord knows I don't like it when you go embark on some inane new adventure. Also you talk like you have throat cancer, that's not even close to cool. When will you run out of power and go away?

Much dislike,
- Me.

P.S. My friend hates you and thinks you suck to.

P.P.S. How do you go to the bathroom?

This post was last modified: 10-06-2008 06:43 AM by Unacceptance.

Kick his ass!!!!


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