Dear Life,  Why do you hurt?  

Hmm...

Dear Life

Why the fuck couldn't you have been better?

Dear Life..
What is our purpose? Why are you so cruel?

kiki's message made me laugh.

Is Madelyn, Eric's cousin?

Is Madelyn, Eric's cousin?
[/quote]

Yes she is his cousin. Sick, isn't it? I was quite surprised. I was even more surprised when she made the comment that I wasn't too stable. Funny.. She doesn't know a thing about me.... The only unstable thing about me is that I fly off the handle when angry. I can say some pretty hurtful things when angry. At least I'm not talking about having sex with relatives. And I've seen Eric put a gun in his mouth and threaten to kill himself. Yet I'm the one that is unstable? Am I missing something here?

kiki's message made me laugh.

Glad someone is laughing

Dear Self,

Isn't it about time you tried to do something for yourself? You just sit back and watch the years slip by without changing a thing. You can feel sorry for yourself all you want, but it doesn't change anything. Feeling sorry for yourself has gotten to be a crutch and it's not doing any good. You can hide behind your walls all you want but then you won't be in any better situation. You will just have continued reason to feel sorry for yourself. You know what you have to do to feel better. You just have to get up off your lazy ass and do it. You have no one else to blame for the state of your life but yourself. If you don't like yourself it's your own fault. Stop avoiding everything and do something now!

Dear Friends, where did you all go? Why don't I have you anymore? Was it me or was it you? It seems like you all found something or someone better. I don't understand, am I not a worthy friend? I always thought i was giving everything I had. Maybe, what I have is not enough. I would of gladly stepped in front of traffic to save any one of you.I still would, but none of you are here to save. I fear the worst for many of you. We all grow up at different rates. Now i find that the only people who are looking for a friendship with me, want something in return. Is that part of growing up? maybe that's how it always was. In my mind there was a day where johnny just-a-friend, was honestly cool with being just a friend. I miss you all. I don't like having the sensation that my friend is going to try to hook up with me. I just want what i thought i used to have.

Gizzi,
      Shit, I'm sorry. I'm 100% w/o a doubt sorry for what I put you through. There is really no excuse for my actions. You deserve the truth, but i will always be too chicken shit to give it to you, no matter how old I get. And I'm sorry for that too. It's been years, and I'm in love now. He knows nothing about what I did then, and again I'm sorry, but neither do you. Yes when I left, you had an idea of what i was up to, but in reality, you had no clue. Speed is a bad drug Gizzi, and you knew that. I'm sorry, it took me a while. For some reason, as soon as I left you, i got clean. I think it was because I felt so guilty. Living with guilt is like having a tumor. I'm going to come out and say it now, the answer to the only question you asked: Yes, I cheated on you. I regret it and I hate myself for it. We weren't going to last much longer, but I shouldn't have done that. My love for you died when I found out you lied about something so important....so life altering. I unknowingly wrote a page in your book. You will forever remember me as your first. I never wanted that. I'm sorry, I hope your life is everything you dreamed, and I hope you can live that life without ever crossing my path again. Good Luck Gizzi, I Loved You.
~Leo