Not really because they were never meant to be read by the recipient. We can because they are posted on the forum. haha.

yep that was xactly my point LoL. its really cool 4 voyeurs. its like looking in2 some body elses life that we couldve never seen utterwise

dear me
can you stop talking to me in my head?

o.o...

can you shut up?

o.o...

nvm

Just as a warning, this is probably going to be incredibly long but incredibly therapeutic to write.

Dear E,

I don't even remember meeting you for the first time. We were in preschool and we just clicked I guess. Remember how we used to practically live at each other's houses? Sure we had a couple fights but mostly life was great. Remember "The Game", and how all one of us would have to do is say "want to play the game?" and we knew exactly what the other meant? I was there for you when your dog died, and you were there for me when mine died. Whenever I was with you and "our group", I felt like I truly belonged. I'll never forget the sleepovers, staying up late to watch the meteor shower, the inevitable giggling that we couldn't seem to stop doing.

I'm not sure what happened. I guess it was because you guys moved when we were in 5th grade. You were still only like 25 minutes away, it wasn't the same. You were at a different school, and you started making new friends there. We gradually went from seeing each other every day, to several times a week, to once a week, then only once a month. I had never realized how dependent I was on our friendship until it dissolved. The other "friends" I had didn't seem too interested in me alone, and I got the feeling that I was only ever included in things because I was with you.

If I could go back I would have tried so much harder to keep our friendship alive. I thought it was "too late" in high school to rekindle that friendship we'd had in grade school. Turns out it probably wasn't too late then, but now it is. You are in a different state in college now, and when you do come home you will be too busy with your family and your high school buddies to think about our friendship which is long past. But I need you. I need that safe feeling that comes from being with someone who knew you way back when. Back before anxiety and depression f'ed up my life and my personality.

I would love to know, do you ever think of me as well? Are they fond memories, or do you think how lucky you are that you don't have to be friends with me anymore? I wonder.


Dear K,

After my friendship with E began to dissolve I was quite lonely, and then you came along. You were 15, I was 13, but the age difference didn't seem to matter. We shared so many common interests, and I felt like I never had to put on a front with you. I loved those days spent horseback riding and playing video games and just doing random things to kill time.

Then your mom died. I tried to be a good friend to you, and make sure you knew that you always had a home here with us. But you started hanging with that other crowd, and started doing drugs. You completely broke off contact with me, but I tried to help without getting sucked down the same path as you. Invited you to spend Christmas with us, so you wouldn't feel the pain of being alone on the holidays. Then you completely broke off contact, and I don't know why.

I never see you around anymore, and I wonder if you are okay. Last I heard from Mrs. H you were engaged to some shady guy, and she could hardly even recognize you, because of your heavy makeup and provocative clothing. Such a far cry from the self assured girl who dressed in jeans and cowboy boots and swore off makeup. I want to try calling your old number, maybe your dad knows where you are, but he scares me, to be honest.

I love you and worry about you and I hope you have somehow found happiness despite your less than ideal childhood.

Dear B,

I feel pathetic saying this, but I love you and if it wasn't for you I may not have been able to make it through those dark lonely years. Even though it's only an internet friendship, and I still feel empty for true companionship, I think our chatting has kept me grounded, and I dread the day that we no longer have our conversations, for some reason or another.

Dear life

Why does everyone I love betray me?

cookiemonster89, reading your "letters" made me discover some emotions i thought were extinct inside me. I enjoy reading them, especially the last letter even though it was short, kinda reminds me a bit of me, without the internet I would be more lonely then I am today.=)

Note to nobody- You say you want to change the world. you say it over and over again. Just do it!. I already know. I have already known what you want to do. please. just do It.

Jill,

I wish you cared for me just a fraction of how I care for you.

I wish I could block you from my mind.

That is all.

All I want to do is see you again. I have such an obsession with the thought of you. How did you make such a deep impact on my life, I don't even know you. I find myself wishing i did though. I was so proud of myself for standing up to you, but now i feel guilty. I shouldn't, but I really do. Maybe all of this is comes from boredom. What is our connection, if any? I shouldn't have sent you those e-mails. I'm glad I told you annonymously, and I'm hoping you don't know that I am the author. Everytime I think of you I get chills and vertigo. You feel like such a heavy weight on my shoulders and I wish I knew of some way to feel free of you. Nothing seems to work, and I don't know what to do now. I am still not available to you, but he hardly looks at me anymore and I think he is tired of me. He won't kiss me with his tongue, he never has. I hate it. I don't feel sexy anymore. I love him so much, and I know he loves me.......it's the way he loves me, it's not working. I feel lonely and bored. I'm lost. It would be easy for me to pick up the phone and call you. There are many decisions I could make that would very easily ruin my life. regardless, i love him, so i won't do these things. goodbye again.

GUY,
i guess it's too late. you're gone. i should've done so many things, but now you're gone.there's no more chances of running into you. i suppose it wasn't meant to be after all or you would've persued me. i am so tired and it's probably better that it's all over. i just wish i could've spoken to you once before you left. it's really all i wanted. just a chance to speak to you and clear up some things i may have said in the past. for now, i feel very desperate and lonely. i'm a fool. i would've done everything different.
~yellow