Just curious; can you be a 'loner' and still have a healthy romantic relationship with someone.

I am especially interested to hear from those who have partners which tend to have much better social lives then themselves.

I got out a long term relationship somewhat recently, it ended on alright terms. Part of the reason was the fact I felt totally alone even though we lived together. There were some pretty justified reasons for this, however I'm not sure you can have a completely healthy relationship if you are still somewhat of a loner.

Well, right now I don't have a partner but, since no one has replied, I hope you don't mind. I recently broke off a four year relationship that I was in. For the most part it was because I began to feel smothered. Here is my definition of being a "loner" and the dictionary definition of autonmous.


autonomous

adjective
1. (of political bodies) not controlled by outside forces; "an autonomous judiciary"; "a sovereign state"
2. existing as an independent entity; "the partitioning of India created two separate and autonomous jute economies"
3. (of persons) free from external control and constraint in e.g. action and judgment


I believe it is possible to be autonomous AND have a healthy relationship. It's good when two people can respect each other as seperate entities. Nothing is more wearing to me than someone
who expects my every waking moment to be devoted to "us."
While I recognize the impotance of a mate and their needs/feelings (and do my best to be sensitive to that within reason) I also feel a responsibility to others out side of my little circle. Some people would be happy to live soley for each other and forget the rest of humanity. I can not.

I would like some day to have a relationship with someone who will let me live my life volunteering, working and at the end of the day come home to him a happy, fulfilled, human being. It would be even better if his heart was into making the world a better place. : )
I believe that two people can be together and that having a seperate life where they are allowed to do what fulfills them can make for a great relationship.

I have also wondered if that is even possible to attain for myself. With the relationships I have been in, I have yet to find that. The men I meet seem to want to tie themselves to me yet remained
unable to accept me as I am or worse yet, they don't support me. I am an eccentric,weird bird. I know. I accept that. Perhaps I am not wife material? I have thought this many times after my breakup. It's one of the reasons I am not dating right now.

Is it possible to be both, I think so. Is it attainable, I have faith that it is. If it never happens for me, will I be devastated and regret my life? No, never!

This post was last modified: 08-10-2008 11:16 AM by Naleena.

I would imagine that a person could have more alone time then the norm and have things be okay but to me there seems to be a conflict between how i understand the term loner and the term healthy relationship.

Being the loners wife I have to say it is a challenge for me to let my husband have his alone time, which can be weeks at a time. I would have to say with a lot of understanding of both persons a loner can be in a healthy relationship.
I myself even drift between wanting to be alone, then wanting to be with my husband.

I believe so.

People are naturally social creatures. Some more so than others. I consider myself a loner but I do like have interactions with other people on a daily basis, even if it is just my family.

With any relationship, it would have to have it's parameters. Like Naleena said, I could not be in a relationship with someone who would constantly want to be with me because I need time to myself to function properly. I would like, though, a person of whom I can share me ideas with. I do want to find a person that has similar morals and ideals as me. It's not that hard for me to function with one person; groups of people is different. I could see myself with one person of whom I am close with - that's really all I need.

I think it is just a matter of finding that person that fits you best. As a loner it might be harder because we are not in the social realm of the world most of the time. But it is possible.

i dont think you can be a loner and have a healthy relationship, unless you have mental dissorders that make u depressed and feel lonely. In a healthy relationship you always have someone to talk to, to go out with, to spend time with on weekends, and even if your partner is the only one you associate with, its still someone. and most of the time you get close with your partners friends too.

So to be lonely and have a partner its either the relationship isnt working or your not mentally stable.

i would say that a loner ceases to be a loner as sone as he finds a group of people or single person with whom he will stay with.

Oh, thanks guys for all the replies...

What I really meant to ask is whether your partner accepts that you don't have many friends....

A partner would have to accept that if you don't. You can't arbitrarily go out and pretend to make them.