Something vaguely interesting that I saw on a documentary on prostitution that other day was that quite a few men paid enormous sums to prostitutes(in the order of over a thousand a hour) not for the sex, but for the sense of company and the "feeling of having a girlfriend."
I think it says something about men of my age in the twenties - sex is important to us, but its not as much the act itself as the belief that we could get to it with a girl if we wanted to. A large part otherwise is just the general desire to be, yes, loved, even if it is an ultimately hollow and negotiable love. We're willing to pay enormous sums just to have this sense of company and control over sex.
Why do we need control over sex? I think that the idea that we're good enough to be able to have a girl of our own is a large part of our identity, perhaps even a genetic need. I find that for women, sex is often the result of emotional fulfillment For men, it is the opposite - emotional fulfillment is the result of sex (even casual sex), or perhaps it is just the confidence that we could have sex if we wanted to.
Without that confidence or belief in ourselves, we have a tendancy to just fall apart in some way or another. Our masculinity is threatened by the fact that we can't seem to succeed; we often feel worthless at times, angry and frustrated at others. This anger and frustration could be directed at otherselves or at women, but it is doubtlessly there. It is the sum result of not understanding why we are failing, of some innate belief of, "Hey,we're not all that bad," so we either rip ourselves apart in search of the bad to try to fix others" or lash out at others for not seeing the good in us.
Understanding and rationality help, but ultimately, those drives within us are subconsious and incredibly powerful.
Regards, IO
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity...a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."
Wooow! I had a fight with a friend of mine yesterday, cause of that. I told him he should get a girl cause if he did that when he was younger, maybe he would be different. Its just cause in my country its an ugly thing to do but we have tolerance when guys do that. I said he would be more secure about himself, not so shy, if he did that when he was younger. He is 28 years old, tall, strong, not bad looking (he is pretty ok) and still virgin and i dont get that. And he said what you said, that he wants to do that with someone he loves and its really new, to me, to see a man saying this and feeling like this.
<p><p><p><center><br> <font color=#FF0099><FONT FACE="Comic Sans" SIZE="4">Yesterday.... All my troubles seemed so far away (...you wish )
Wooow! I had a fight with a friend of mine yesterday, cause of that. I told him he should get a girl cause if he did that when he was younger, maybe he would be different. Its just cause in my country its an ugly thing to do but we have tolerance when guys do that. I said he would be more secure about himself, not so shy, if he did that when he was younger. He is 28 years old, tall, strong, not bad looking (he is pretty ok) and still virgin and i dont get that. And he said what you said, that he wants to do that with someone he loves and its really new, to me, to see a man saying this and feeling like this.
We're really quite simple creatures that want to love and be loved
Lol you guys are simple in a way and pretty complicated in another. I dont get any of you, neither my father, neither my best male friend and even less my ex bfs. If someday i have a son, i will not understand him either. lol Maybe a man that reads it will say the same about women, dunno. But after see 2 guys, in less than 12 hours, saying the same thing, something changed... just a litlle tinny bit... You said "Hey,we're not all that bad" but maybe you are not many (it would be nice if you were all that good lol). I wish him good luck cause he will need!
Lol you guys are simple in a way and pretty complicated in another. I dont get any of you, neither my father, neither my best male friend and even less my ex bfs. If someday i have a son, i will not understand him either. lol Maybe a man that reads it will say the same about women, dunno. But after see 2 guys, in less than 12 hours, saying the same thing, something changed... just a litlle tinny bit... You said "Hey,we're not all that bad" but maybe you are not many (it would be nice if you were all that good lol). I wish him good luck cause he will need!
Oh, trust me that we don't understand women.
But I do find it interesting that you took my post as a comment that guys are only looking for love when a significant part of it was talking about the emotional benefits of casual sex(or more importantly, the perception in us that we could have casual sex if we wanted to) for men.
For me personally, for example, I do everything with passion and greatly cherish a girl that I can appreciate on every level: the physical as much as the spiritual and the emotional. But just knowing that I /could/ have access to casual sex is an enormous confidence booster to me, whereas during the time when I did not have that option at all, I honestly felt less of a man and a human being.
But I do find it interesting that you took my post as a comment that guys are only looking for love ------------ Lol it was cause i had the fight lol and i was like "no way!!! its not just him?" So i started talking about it. Yes... i agree that guys can have casual sex if they wanted to and that was/is my point of view that started all the fight but now i read that its not exactly what is wanted. Guys dont like to talk about feelings/relationship. If you want to scare your bf, tell him: "We need to talk" and keep doing that and you will scare him away, even if you were doing that to help him. Alex, my best friend from the military school, used to call me and ask what to say for a girl to get what he wanted or asking if he was doing good with the "lies". I used to help him *shame on me* and just stoped it when he started just leaving the girls after make them fall in love by him. I saw guys making bets that would get a girl and it was in the college, we were not kids. Well, thats why i was so :o with your post, cause its different from what i saw my whole life. Blah!!!! so much to talk and ask about! (like i said, guys dont like to explain things too much lol). All i know is that he said i was talking like a tipical? (dunno the word he used) man and i thought: and you are sounding like a girl... but just said that he was thinking, like me, when i was younger (and i smiled ^.^). "I'll second that! Wink" I desagree. :] We are pretty easy to understand and deal with lol.
I would be very reluctant to talk about my feelings if I had my real name associated with anything on this site as well. Talking about what we feel shows weakness, and its one of the things that for better or worse, we can't do.
From what I've seen, everytime I talk to a girl about how I actually feel, I will be quickly relegated to the status of a best friend and nothing more. The only way that I can actually hope to be considered as a sexual prospect is to not discuss anything that displays weakness. I think that the fact is, whether we want to admit it or not, any man who admits to weakness on any consistent basic will be trod on and overrun.
So, in many ways, women are as responsible for creating men as the way we are as men are.
Regards, IO
PS: Also, we don't all have the option of casual sex. The fact that many of us seem to be cut off from all sexuality complete is probably one of the major reasons why quite a few guys are here. Your virgin friend, for example, has a state of mental self-abuse and possibly self-hate, not to mention incredible insecurity that's almost impossible to comprehend.
This post was last modified: 03-23-2008 12:26 PM by IgnoredOne.
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