What is it to be lonely?

Something as simple as a hug, a kiss, or a smile are hard to come by. Its like trying to find a single diamond lost on an endless beach.

We see others, out within the world. Laughing and playing. Smiling. We want this so bad, but yet it is like reaching for a dream. Its intangible, unsubstantial, like water escaping from your cupped hands

Some of us long for that warm embrace that only a lover can bring. Bombarded by the world, telling you this is how it should be, this is what real people have. But we must not be real, for to us it is merely a dream, perhaps never to come true

Friends to hang out with no longer can be found. "wasting time' in your basement, talking and hanging out. How we now try to grasp yet again what we wasted, only to find it no longer is there.

We look at our family photo albums. Your cousins first birthday. Your grandma's 90th. Your mom and dads 20th aniversary. Your first bike ride with your uncle holding on. Each page turns reveails nothing but ghosts, people long dead leaving only you behind

We come home to an empty house. The silence unbearable, wishing for any noice. We leave the TV on just so we know that somewhere out there life is being lived.

Out in the world. At the gym. Walking in the park. You smile at everyone and spread kindess and joy like you are giving out candy. However you are insignifacant, avoided, passed by, and shunned.

You look back at your life. Somewhere along the path you lost something, that smile you used to have. the joy and laughter that filled your soul. Lost along the side of the road, it could be anywhere. But no matter how hard you look you can't find it.

A thousand words can be spoken to you, yet none of them you can understand. You try to speak back, but they don't understand you. You are looked upon as nothing but a shallow being. Not a person deep with thoughts or feelings, but just an object, painted as a human on the outside. Soon you will be forgotten.

You watch other people celebrate birthdays, holidays, or any number of things. So much fun they have, but you are left out. You invite others to go out with you, but you are stood up. Sitting at the bar or restaurant, alone, hoping that the next person that walks through the door is someone you invited, but realizing that the steady stream of patrons is devoid of anyone you know, or who cares about you.

A phone that never rings, a mailbox empty of all but bills, and an email box with nothing but junk mail.

It never used to be this way, but now it is, and you are trapped. Like quicksand, the harder you try to fix it, the more you try to struggle, the more it sucks you in. All you can do is stay still and hope. Hope that someone else can find you and reach out their hand. But they never do, they walk on by. Perhaps if they don't look at you then you don't really exist.

That was very well written grundel70 and definitely something I feel I can relate to.

I exist. I know I exist cos I would not feel the pain with in if I did not.

But ye the only thing my mail brings is bills. And junk mail. You know I have had a phone line put in as it was not costing me anything to have it in. I have had the line for about 3 moths. I have had about 3 calls from ppl. 1 my Nana, another my mum and the 3d a friend that wonted help with her PC lol But she is a good friend all tho I don't see her that often she is one of the few ppl that would put her self out for me so I don't mined. But ye. I have also had about 10 computers call me to advertise something. Not even a real person. So 10 computers (pr-recorded messengers and 3 ppl called me. lol Talk about a joke. You gotta laugh tho

yea..pretty sad....

Great post grundel. I could really relate to most of that, and it sucks.

We're lonely, but we're not alone in our loneliness

those words describe so much how i feel everyday, i could never convey it like that.

I feel cursed sometimes. I wake up to find myself in that deep, dark place that no one wants to be. You all know it, where hope is blocked out of your life as the sun is hidden behind the curtain of midnight. What is left over when hope is gone is pain. A deep seeded, wretched pain. It is at these moments, like I find myself at right now, that I can tap into my creativity and let flow the feelings and words that are within. I let them spill out and land wherever they may. I find that if I share them, if others can see what is inside, then I do feel better. I see that alot of people can relate. Being depressed, being lonely is truly an odd malady. Here we are, each of us caressing the wounds that afflict our soul, wondering why no one likes us. Wondering why we are rejected, despite how much we try to fit in. Why is it that people can't look me in the eye and smile, but can for other people? Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend? Why doesn't anyone want to just sit and talk to me for a while? Why do I seem to be blessed with such a way to communicate, but yet no one wants to listen to me? Why am I different? Why must I bear this?

We say all of these things, and together we all can relate to some extent. So here we are, hundreds of people lonely. Perhaps we aren't that much different than other people after all. We all have come here. Lonely still, but yet not alone. Does it make us feel any better that so many others can relate? Does anything that any one of us say make us feel better? Or does it only make it hurt more? I don't know. But when I see people say things like what they have about my poetry or by simply how I put my feelings, I do feel better.

Nothing that anyone has said here has made anybody call me, respond to my emails, hug me, kiss me, or make any type of real social contact. But by simply sharing a few words has made me realize that I am not so alone as I feel. I just wish that it did not have to hurt so much in order for me to be creative. I would love to be able to share wonderful, postive feelings with my writing...but I can't. Not only do I rarely feel them, but they also are poor conductors of the words and feelings that flow within me. I have to really be sad, lonely, and despairing to let it out. Thus the curse.

Seeking peace, you can convey your feelings in such more poignant ways than I ever can. Its like a faucet. Sometimes you have to let the water run for a bit for it to get warm, and let the impurites that build up out. YOu can do it. If I can do it, anyone can. Even if it is for just a breif moment, it does make me feel better.

If I was truly alone, if I thought that I could never be happy again, then I suppose I would never have come here or said a thing to anyone. I think that all of us, hurting as we are, really do beleive that coming here can ease our pain...even if it is just for a moment. Perhaps all of us are an answered prayer to each other?

wow grundel, you really have natural talent for words, are you a writter? you should write a book.

It really does mke mne wonder how there are so many of us lonely people, that maybe if the world was just a little smaller maybe we wouldn't be so lonely anymore.

Many times it's just needing someone to hear our rants, obsessions and conflicts, so that if something ever happened to me at least my thoughts ideas hopes and loves would still be scattered throught the world in the memory of those who were kind enough to listen and remeber.

I'm sorry you feel so alone, but welcome to the site it's nice to meet you. and anytime if you want to pm me you're welcome

peace

That was a very thoughfull post dude, nearly every1 who has even been lonely in hs or her life can relate to this.

Just 1 thing. Sometimes we may think that its our fault that we are alone, that we have no1 else but ourselves to blame, however MOST OF THE TIME THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I mean when u see other ppl goin out doing stuff, sure u will see ppl who are social butterflies, however u will also see other ppl who can barely talk or do anything fun and were invited just coz they happened to be at the right place at the right time (like coz of some advantage they give somebody or somefin).

ill go out on a limb and say its almost never our fault that were lonely. Sometimes were just not around the right ppl , thats all. I mean in the chat room i talk to so many wonderful ppl. And ITS REALLY REALLY HARD to imagine them as being lonely coz they are so fun,humour,interesting ppl! So dude , I can relate to each and every1 of the situations u have posted, but just realize its not always ur fault. Until u have a pulse , u still can find a way to get our of lonelyness.

The last paragraph of the original post says it all for me;

It never used to be this way, but now it is, and you are trapped. Like quicksand, the harder you try to fix it, the more you try to struggle, the more it sucks you in. All you can do is stay still and hope. Hope that someone else can find you and reach out their hand. But they never do, they walk on by. Perhaps if they don't look at you then you don't really exist.

Welcome Grundel70, and thank you for that post.