They say you can't have your cake and eat it too...

First note that I have depression and am incredibly insecure. I've had two official sexual partners in my life. I say "official" because those ones are the ones that were actually girlfriends and I can clearly remember them

Here's my problem. The two girls I remember are overweight. The ones I don't remember so well were not. I feel that I am sexually inexperienced and would like to get around a little (not like a man whore or nothing) before I settle down. Girls do this all the time, why can't a guy?

Anyway, my ex-girlfriend who I dumped a few weeks ago, is overweight. The problem is that I like her and we still do things together... She's great, she's the type of person I'd really consider marrying. Getting her back would be quite easy, but like I said I want to be with more people first and see what's out there.

If I'm with more people first then I'm afraid I will have lost my opportunity with this girl who actually really loves me. I don't know if I love her or not... Am I using her out of fear of being alone? Should I simply try to cheat on her. Should I stop all contact with her and begin fresh with someone new? If she lost 30-50 lbs she'd be great, but I cannot believe it'd stay off. If she's genetically predispositioned to be overweight then that means our children could be overweight which is a problem for me.

A girl's weight really means a lot to me. Some guys will only date blondes, others brunettes depending on what they are attracted to. For me, I can't take a girl being overweight. I'm attracted to girls smaller than I am, it's not really a mater of being shallow, it's just what I like.

In summary what should I do about my ex? There seems to be so many options, but I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want her AND girls I'm actually attracted to.

When I go in for therapy I hope they'll give me medication... It might clear up sooo much stuff in my head.

don't cheat on her; that could really f#&k a person up. Whatever you do..okay if you are depressed and have actually been through any considerable amount of pain you are aware that people have feelings.... thing about her feeling when making a decision. Maybe you could say, i love you as a person but right now i dont think i can deal with a committed relationship. I'm dealing with a lot right now (with my depression e.t.c) and don't want to lose your friendship...but also dont want you to miss out on any opportunities because of me. This way you don't feel guilty because she should consider herself single and can find someone..
but she may not hate you..and maybe in the future you'll can get together
make sure she understands that it's just her friendship you want..and that you want her to keep seeing other people but you want to be friends..maybe it could work..it's all up to you..i hate giving advise but i'm bored...
DON'T CHEAT or screw with her..it's not good to mess other people up..you dont only hurt them ..pain spreads..

lol..i feel horrible condoning this though...but yea..say you want to remain friends ..you arent eating your cake and having it..you are just keeping an eye on what was your cake..but you left it out in the open..

Good advice so far... I hope others respond as well.

Well when I was younger lol, I used to go after the good looking slim girls, not anymore lol. There is a whole lot more to a person than there looks, I would rather have an overweight partner who I had common interests, and got along with than someone who had the looks, but I couldn't stand. Also you don't have to play the field to gain sexual experience. And also the others are right, don't cheat or mess with people heads, it's just not fair to do that.

yeah, cheating is a real nasty thing, i have been with 3 official girlfriends and they were always slim and got perfect ideal body, but even when i was younger i had a crush with an overweight girl, just because she was soooooo nice to me.. though we never been together after all. and my last girlfriend was in a very good shape and sooo pretty that scared the hell outta me, because all men were chasing her.. so i really didnt mind if she took cake some more than me lol, but what make me love her most was when she was sooo nice to me.... and now it was just history and so im here lol

This post was last modified: 09-30-2007 07:37 AM by roban.

Well when I was younger lol, I used to go after the good looking slim girls, not anymore lol. There is a whole lot more to a person than there looks, I would rather have an overweight partner who I had common interests, and got along with than someone who had the looks, but I couldn't stand. Also you don't have to play the field to gain sexual experience. And also the others are right, don't cheat or mess with people heads, it's just not fair to do that.

Well said.