I'm new. I'm 20, female and I live in the middle of nowhere in the UK.

I suffered from social anxiety for three years and at my worst I couldn't go outside the door without an overwhelming sense of panic. This left me completely alone, I ended up being home schooled and never saw any of my friends again.

I'm now *very* lonely, I live in a large house surrounded by hardly anything but woods and fields with my parents, but my living space is sort of separated from theirs so when I come in or go out, I hardly see them anyway.

To this day I don't have a single friend. I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend, never even held a guy's hand. I've probably got the life experience of a 12 year old. I'm so painfully shy that it's hard to talk to girls, but almost impossible to talk to guys.

I go to college, where i spend most of the time alone, or with people who don't give a toss about me then talk about me when my back's turned, after college I wander around town alone until the bus is due. I hate that part, especially in winter when it gets dark early.
When I come home I walk in and straight up to my room and onto the computer all night, and that's it for me. Every single day. I'm like a zombie, i'm not living, I'm just stalling, waiting and hoping something will change.
And it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried so hard with people in college, it's hard for me as it is being a shy and boring person, but I kept trying to talk with them, trying to involve myself but they only wanted to know me in class when they needed help with something, that was it.

The worst part is, once you're alone, it becomes so difficult to get out of it. The harder I try, the more frustrated I get. I sometimes even get all dressed and made up for no reason whatsoever and go out by myself into town, and then everywhere i go, I see people in the street in groups of friends and I just wonder why it's all so easy for them, and do they even know how lucky they are?

I had my father say to me recently, "why don't yo have any friends? why don't you go out with any people your age?"

It makes me so frustrated to listen to that, it's as if he thinks I like being this way, or as if I can go out now and pluck some random people off the street to call my "friends".

Anyway, I'm mumbling on, hello anyway!

Hello Miss Panda
Nice to meet you. That's a beautiful picture of you. You are very pretty There are a lot of really nice people here. When you get the chance, pop in and chatt for a while.
Look forward to seeing you around,

Naleena

Welcome Panda

It sure appears that way. Just falling into isolation. Not even having the advantage of starting from ground level. More like trying to climb out of a hole.

While i am sure he meant well, i would find that rather hurtful.

Thanks very much for your welcomes Naleena and Minus!<3 nice to meet you both =]!

Welcome!

LOL I really like the "don't bite" part! You seem cool. And you have a sense of humor. So don't despair girl. I wish you were closer so we could meet! You're welcome to pm me or chat thru msn messenger if you'd like, I get on everyday for at least a few hours.

Take care,
Amazin'

This post was last modified: 06-28-2008 02:54 PM by Freakin_Amazin.

Hi Panda welcome to the forum

What classes are you taking in College? Are you majoring in anything?

I use to have some socail anxeity when i was younger, it wasn't very severe though, I would still have problems going to public places like movies or other people's houses. I got some help with some medication, and over the years I've been able to get over it. Though I still get anxeity attacks sometimes when i get really stressed.

I agree it sucks the harder i try to make friends with people the more akward i seem to look. People have never really seem to be interested in hanging out with me, friends I've had over the years always seem to grow bored of me.


I know what you mean about your dad. Mine is always asking me if I have any plans for the weekened if I'm going to do anything with someone. It's like he's reminding me that i don't have any friends. It's hard to get out and just start doing things by yourself. But so far this summer I've been managing just to enjoy my own company, it helps also having a plentyful beanie baby collection that will watch tv with me. (i'm not weird)

It helps just to stay busy even, I've going to bookstores to just browse and read books and I've been going to movies by myself and going on long bike rides, just keep myself preoccupied.

Is there a big woods where you live, maybe you should try just going outside on nice days and go for a walk in the woods.

Anyways welcome the forum I hope things get better for you. and your always welcome to pm me to chat

peace

This post was last modified: 06-28-2008 12:58 PM by evanescencefan91.

Hiya

There are a lot of great people here...I have many very good friends here...you will find some company here.

I can appreciate how you feel in so many ways. It mirrors very much my day...I work a lot of hours and come back to a very large house with only myself and three cats in it...it can be the loneliest of times...and the weekends are by far and away the worst. I am also from the UK. It seems to me that often we can be seen to have so many people around us yet there really isn't anyone 'around' us.

You know that if you ever want to talk then you just have to drop me a reply or pm me. And don't worry...love and relationships will come...probably when you least expect them.

Hi Panda and welcome here Its funny in a country as small as ours that we still have placers like where you live. It is easy to be in the middle of nowhere if you live anywhere in the UK but say with the acceptation of London.

That would have hurt me if my dad would had said that to me as well. Well hes only saying it cos he cars but you don't wont your dad thinking that you have no friends or because you don't wont any. My Nana made me feel bad last week. She was all like why don't you get out moor and go on holiday. Am like I have no one to go on holiday with nan. She keeps saying I keep asking you to come with me. But you know My Nana is like 80 next year. I go see her ever week for a few hours but am not really wanting to go on holiday with her. So she thinks its my own fault I don't have a holiday. She basically with out realising it coled me a loner. most of my old mates have wife's and girlfriends and no time for me anymore. I do have houses around me tho as I live on an estate. So in the summer moths like where in now I can hear ppl out side talking and kids playing and am stuck in thinking that I would like to be able to go camping and all the things that ppl do. I do have a bike I go on but again its always on my own.

You have college tho That at lest gets you out meeting other ppl. If ppl are asking for your help on things you could use that to your advantage and maybe there well be a friendship that well come out of that. I mean if I had asked for help of someone I would wont to repay the favor if I could.

And you should not feel shy talking to lads. where just like you, you know. well there is some deference's (obviously) lol But we struggle just the same when we talk to girls.

This post was last modified: 06-28-2008 07:16 PM by Bluey.

Hi Panda, welcome to the forums

I can relate to most of that. Lonely, never being in a relationship, feeling like a zombie, waiting for a change, hard time getting out of it. I know how much it sucks. I just try to live with it the best I can, and hope for a change one day ^^

My parents also "confronted" me like this a couple of years ago, and it was quite painful. "You're spending too much time sitting in your room". "Why do you never go to any parties like normal people?" "Why can't you learn to drink?" (wtf?!)

Like Minus said, they probably mean well, but they just don't understand.

Don't be afraid to send a pm if you want to talk. You sound like a great person. Certainly not boring ^^

Hello Panda, glad you don't bite!