Hi all,

I am a 20 yr old male living in Puerto Rico. I've only had one girlfriend, which was pretty awful, but I'll tell that story in another post, as it is long (and painful).

She broke up with me two and a half years ago. So I should be over her.... except that doesn't seem to be the case. Don't get me wrong, I DON'T like her anymore. My life would be perfectly fine if I never saw her again. But I can't stop thinking about her and sometimes I even have dreams with her in it. This worries me.

Sometimes I feel really, really lonely. It's like most of the people out there have a totally different way of looking at life; like my lens is screwed up and I can't see why things are done the way they are. I've gotten to the conclusion that I'm just never going to understand certain aspects of interpersonal relationships. Chief among them is love. Now that I went through the experience of what a relationship is, and how bad it can get, I don't have a clue how people fall in love with each other. I'd like to fall in love - I just don't want to bend over backwards to do it.

I'm currently studying computer engineering. Going to start my third year when summer's over. So, I'm not a bum..... I don't do drugs.... I am not nasty or have overpowering odors.... I don't grope, fondle, or otherwise go over the line with any girl.... I am athletic, I lift weights, and I dress well..... So, why does it seem that no girl can fall head over heels for me? Cause I think that's what I need... I am not going to have another relationship where I'm the one providing all the love and all the glue to hold it all together. Doing it once was more than enough.

I'd like to meet someone who is more or less having a similar experience or at least someone who is willing to try to understand me.
I can be charming, I can be funny, and I can get pissed off in a second. I have "friends" who are hardcore party animals and other "friends" who go to church often and never party. I get along with straight A students as much as I get along with students that fail miserably. So, I can pretty much get along ok with everyone. But at the end of the day, something's missing. I really wish I had that special someone who cared about me. I'm just so tired of being the only one who cares that I've become cynical.

I'm glad that I could find a forum to express what I feel. I think I'll be regularly posting in the Diary section, if anyone wants to chat with me I'll be more than glad to.

..How is that done?

hey freakin_amazin welcom to the forum, by the way i like your name it's pretty cool

thats cool that your studying computer engineering, i think that would be fun proffesion unforunatly i don't think i have the logic skills for it, i took a basic computer science course once and i nearly failed it.

You sound like a pretty nice guy so I'm sure the right girl will come along sometime, you're still young.

Anyways again welcom to the forum i hope you like here

Welcome to the forums

Hehehe... Takes a lot of flexibility, in more ways than one. I guess low self esteem got me to that point too.

Thanks for the welcomes!

Evanescencefan91, I really like that pic! I have a cat myself and I couldn't help but laugh. "I give up" captures my feeling perfectly.

Hiya

You are talking to the master of low self esteem at the moment lol.

Welcome to the site. There are a lot of people here who will gladly talk and offer some great advice. I have gotten to know a few people on here and they are all great.

I know you have had the bad experience of what a relationship is about but the good one will soon follow. Unfortunately relationships never seem to happen when we really need them to...the woman I fell in love with came back to me when I was seeing someone else...she broke my heart before...and my feelings towards her are that strong that I broke up with this other person immediately to be with her...and yes it feels as if after two months that she is breaking my heart all over again. In that time I have had the agony and the ecstacy.

Your low self esteem makes everything feel the best ever when they go well but the lowest ever when they don't.

Stick with it and if you need anyone to talk to I am always here.

Hi there Freakin_Amazin, good to meet you.

Hey Freaking Amazing,
I have had that kind of a relationship. A healthy relationship has two balanced individuals who are willing to contribute to a relationship and NOT one person who is feeding on the other person emotionally like an emotional vampire. Emotional vampire= your ex-girlfriend.
It's a good thing that you work out. That helps a lot actually, it helps boost the feel good hormones and makes you much more confident.

This post was last modified: 06-29-2008 12:27 AM by ClosetGeek.

Hello Freakin Amazing
Nice to meet you. I so love that avi! It's really cool!
Look forward to seeing you around.

Naleena