Do you guys feel like you are dependent on online friendships?

[beans]

(11-08-2011 12:50 PM)Ozcaptain Wrote:  Online friendships have lower expectations -- you're not expected to be there physically, you don't even have to be there at all until it's convenient. I mean, here I am responding to a topic started four months ago.

That alone should be a reason and motivation to seek face to face friends that you can count on. Personally, I would not cut off my online friends but I'm so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and moved away from only having online friends to developing friendships offline. I've been on the net for 14 years too and spent most of my time chatting online butI got no where in life because my chat friends were either far or they don't want to really meet in real life.

Having friends in real life are more challenging and definitely more real. It's not that friends online are not real but like you said, they can just go offline anytime they want and they don't have to get back to you when you are in need. Although we have progressed in terms of communicating with the most advanced technological tools online, you cannot count on an online friend for a true friendship. A lot of social cues are involved when you meet a person in real life and that cannot replace online friendships.


Also, I have found some people that I have met in the real world to be very open and willing to discuss matters of the heart just like the ones online. And you are so happy when you have found such people.

[Okiedokes]

To an extent...yes. I have a few friends around here but there's many days between that I don't get to see them. I live far away from my family as well. I rely on the internet to talk to them at times. I have met some amazing people online, from across the country to my own state. I think it's a great way to interact and you can make it seem more "in person" by webcam/mic chatting as well.

[Ozcaptain]

(11-08-2011 01:02 PM)beans Wrote:  Having friends in real life are more challenging and definitely more real. It's not that friends online are not real but like you said, they can just go offline anytime they want and they don't have to get back to you when you are in need. Although we have progressed in terms of communicating with the most advanced technological tools online, you cannot count on an online friend for a true friendship. A lot of social cues are involved when you meet a person in real life and that cannot replace online friendships.

I agree with you. Obviously, it would be more satisfying to be having this exact kind of heart-to-heart conversation in person, over coffee. But the reality is it probably won't happen. I'm not saying that to be negative. The simple truth is that developing an intimate face-to-face friendship requires so many levels of trust and logistics, I can't imagine it happening at life's midpoint (I turned 50). Everyone, including me, is busy and stacked with responsibilities. The occasional social meeting is easy, but watering that budding acquaintance until it grows into a friendship, and then seeing it through to a full-grown, close friendship where I can be saying these words out loud -- it almost seems impossible. Also, I'm a male, which reduces the chances down to near-zero.

So since I don't have the immediacy of a real-life close friendship, I've adjusted my expectations to the slow-motion replies of online friendships. Yeah, it does feel a bit too remote, but, over time, connections do happen. And at least I'm able to express myself.

But here's the contradiction: I actually express myself extremely well in real life. I'm very comfortable in social settings and people seek me out. My problem is I've lost the ability to share any of this stuff face to face. There's a gaping hole in my end of the conversation where my feelings should be, and no one seems to notice the absence. So I'm left with a clutter of light friendships that inevitably leave me feeling disconnected.

Have to be honest that even writing that was difficult.

[Ak5]

I think, my honest opinion, people prefer online relationships because of self-esteem, self-confidence issues. Online you can't show your face when typing and chatting, the other person can't see if you're feeling depressed or nervous at that moment you're communicating with each other.

[beans]

(11-09-2011 01:33 AM)Ozcaptain Wrote:  So since I don't have the immediacy of a real-life close friendship, I've adjusted my expectations to the slow-motion replies of online friendships. Yeah, it does feel a bit too remote, but, over time, connections do happen. And at least I'm able to express myself.

Hmm I am 28 and I was worse off than you. I had no friends, no social life, no nothing. I was lonely as hell. I learned about my mom's friend's daughter who is in her early 20s and also find it difficult to make budding friendships because everyone at her university already had cliques. This is the problem. By this age, everyone already has their own best friend from high school, from work, from their bf/gf/, in-laws, families, etc.

However, I did meet a lot of middle aged men and women through activity clubs because they are single parents or divorced and they are looking for things to do. So from there, one of my friends started to organize out-of-activity meetings like 'ladies night out' or 'casual drinks chat' la di da and over a few more of these sort of meets, some of them started to open up but it always almost takes ONE willing person to start it off. It could be you. And then I bet you one or two other people would also slowly talk about their problems and I swear you'd feel like you're not alone because somewhere out there, you're going to feel like thank god you only have your problems and not theirs.

But it always starts with someone who is willing. That's all.

[Kevj]

I had been reliant on online friendships from 2006 till early 2009 or so, when I moved to a new town for the sake of graduate school. Yes, even smart academically-inclined people get lonely which accounts for me being here online as a member. It was still prevalent as a trend although less so after 2009, when I realized that I was essentially antisocial in some ways or withdrawn socially owing to my economic-financial situation and my own shy character, in which I am introverted. I wished that I did not feel as isolated or lonely and even now now that I am in a foreign country (Japan) it can get more magnified as a feeling when I wish I was either in Korea or Canada where I had friends and family. But that said, online friendships are one good way to maintain some links with cool people whom you still miss as your friends. That is, if they still are your friends.

[fox]

No..
I avoid to make any online friendships..
I am not sure they are worth it.

[Anten]

I have a few online friends that I have known over the net for 10 years. I don't depend on them but they have been around for a while and I like talking to some daily.

[Relentless]

I don't belive in Online friendships. Associates definately.

Friendship is a far more complex matter. It is not enough to "act like friends should", rather it is a comprehensive consolodation of a shared experience of life in general. Quite plainly - this is hard to emulate online, without focusing too much on commonalities and disregarding differences.

[flaneur]

I don't really know how to answer this. Very few of my friends are exclusively online ones, but most of the friends I have in real life talk to me online more than they do offline.