My mom passed away, now I'm alone

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bootiful

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My mom passed away 2 weeks ago today. I am an only child, we didn't have any family that we talked to. I called my grandmother to tell her that her first born had died and she didn't care. She thanked me for telling her and that's it. I have no boyfriend, I have 1 good friend who lives about an hour away so I hardly see her and I have a dog. That is what my life consists of now. My mom used to be my world, now I am all alone trying to figure out what to do with myself so I don't go insane.

I work, come home, walk my dog and watch tv. That's about it. Now, without my mom's disability check I don't know how I'm going to make ends meet. I have no one to talk to except my 1 friend.. and now that I live an hour away we hardly get to see eachother. Yes, we text every day but it's not the same.

Sometimes at night I get so lonely that I feel like I am in a dark hole and I'll never be able to come out.

I need a hobby.. I don't feel like reading books anymore, I've read too many already. I wanted to start sewing so I could make my own clothes and whatnot but I don't want to spend money on the materials and stuff. Any hobbies that have worked for anyone out there that you can recommend? I'm even willing to join a support group or something like that but I don't know where to find those groups. I live in Aurora, Illinois (about 45 mins from Chicago) and I'm 27. If anyone has suggestions for me as to how to keep myself busy or how to get past this loneliness please let me know.
 
Firstly, I offer my deepest consolation and sympathies to you. There are many on this forum that have an idea of what you're going through and some in your area that can help with finding a peer group. I only know of the loneliness and not the loss. I suppose my first inclination is to suggest picking up an instrument but you've got financial woes so that may not be ideal. I work and when I don't work I'm in University. It keeps me busy but its not a healthy way to live. I suppose you could always dive into your work or try something new like possibly writing.

This forum is a support community in itself and hopefully it'll do just that, support you.
 
My deepest and sincerest condoleances. :( I know how it feels like, though it`s not my mom, but my grandmom who passed away and we were very close. It took me one year to be able to wake up in the morning without tears on my face. Volunteering sounds like a good idea, maybe in a group that supports elders, take long walks, go out, write down your feelings, keep a diary, do things you enjoy, try to be creative, rearrange the furniture in the house, redecorate it, surround yourself with as much light, sun and a peaceful atmosphere as possible, search the company of people, don`t isolate yourself. In time it`ll get better, trust me. :) Here on the forum you`ll have the chance of real support, if you let it. *hug*

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I`ll always be here for you. :)
 
I can imagine how you feel, im very sorry to hear that and i hope i can say anything that can make you feel better but i dont have any words for it... Time will heal you eventually.
 
bootiful said:
My mom used to be my world, now I am all alone trying to figure out what to do with myself so I don't go insane.

That's the problem right there. It's unfortunate that your mother died, but... it's not really healthy to have that attitude about one's parents. *shrug* It's just not.

It's not really healthy emotionally/mentally to have any other person be "your world"... but especially parents, as they ARE older and will most likely pass away before their children.

Again, I offer my condolences and a *HUG*.
 
You're right. I didn't realize that it was unhealthy until after all this happened and I talked to a friend and she told me the same thing. To me it was normal because that is the life I lived every day. And now I gotta figure out who I am and what makes ME happy.. it's going to be a hard journey but I know I'll be ok.

It's only been 2 weeks since she has passed so it is still very painful but today I am having a good day and enjoying it. Tomorrow may be tough but I have to remain positive.

Thank you :)

Badjedidude said:
bootiful said:
My mom used to be my world, now I am all alone trying to figure out what to do with myself so I don't go insane.

That's the problem right there. It's unfortunate that your mother died, but... it's not really healthy to have that attitude about one's parents. *shrug* It's just not.

It's not really healthy emotionally/mentally to have any other person be "your world"... but especially parents, as they ARE older and will most likely pass away before their children.

Again, I offer my condolences and a *HUG*.
 
bootiful, i am sorry for you loss. I wish there was something helpful that i could say to ease a little of your pain but unfortunately i am not that good with words.
 
Badjedidude said:
bootiful said:
My mom used to be my world, now I am all alone trying to figure out what to do with myself so I don't go insane.

That's the problem right there. It's unfortunate that your mother died, but... it's not really healthy to have that attitude about one's parents. *shrug* It's just not.

It's not really healthy emotionally/mentally to have any other person be "your world"... but especially parents, as they ARE older and will most likely pass away before their children.

Again, I offer my condolences and a *HUG*.

If his/her mom was sick though, they may not have had much choice. Being a caretaker can be a more than full time job sometimes.

Bootiful, can you work? Getting a job would not only provide you with income but would get you out and meeting new people. Also keep you busy so you have something to think about other than your grief.

So sorry for your loss. I'm only a few years older than you, and I couldn't imagine having to deal with such a loss at this age.
 
bootiful said:
It's only been 2 weeks since she has passed so it is still very painful but today I am having a good day and enjoying it. Tomorrow may be tough but I have to remain positive.

That's a great attitude. :) If you can just hold on to this view, then you're golden. *hugs*

Again, I wish you well.
 
bootiful, its really very bad that happen with you. But no one can do anything in it. Its wish of god. I also feel very sad that you become alone. But one thing is that never feel that you are alone. Because you have lots of good friends here to communicate.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My mother passed away when I was 19 so I can relate some.

The first thing you should realize is that it's perfectly normal and okay to be sad and lonely. It's just part of the grieving process. It will slowly get better.

One thing that really helped me was, 4 years later (I'm not saying you need to wait that long), I wrote everything I went through at that time...leading up to it, and the aftermath. Getting everything down on paper...it relieved a lot of the weight I felt I was carrying around.

You should visit your friend! Many of my friends live hours by PLANE away from me, so a 1 hour drive is no big deal.

I suggest getting exercise...it'll make you feel better, and it doesn't cost much money. You don't have to pay for a gym, all you need is running/walking shoes, or a bike, or a swimsuit, and you can walk/jog/run/bike/swim etc., whatever you feel comfortable with.

Best of luck to you! Feel free to PM me if you want.
 
I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to reply to this thread and now I'm not even sure if the OP is still around to see my reply.

My mom also passed away, but when I was sixteen. It's hard to believe it has almost been three years... I know you probably don't want to hear this, but there isn't a day that passes by that I don't think about my mom.

Even though she was ill, I never expected her to die. My mother became my world in a way that I watched over her all of the time. I would check on her every night to make sure she made it to bed alright, or that she was breathing. I'd even sit outside her door at times when she cried herself to sleep from being in so much pain.

If anything, it does get a little easier, especially if you keep yourself busy with work or hobbies. Bowling, volunteering, and school is what kept me busy - you just have to find something that you like. Volunteering really helped to distract me. Even if you do little projects at a time around the house or get involved in events your local area.

But you'll always miss her and she'll always have a place in your heart. For me, there is some peace knowing that my mom is no longer suffering.
 
shells said:
I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to reply to this thread and now I'm not even sure if the OP is still around to see my reply.

My mom also passed away, but when I was sixteen. It's hard to believe it has almost been three years... I know you probably don't want to hear this, but there isn't a day that passes by that I don't think about my mom.

Even though she was ill, I never expected her to die. My mother became my world in a way that I watched over her all of the time. I would check on her every night to make sure she made it to bed alright, or that she was breathing. I'd even sit outside her door at times when she cried herself to sleep from being in so much pain.

If anything, it does get a little easier, especially if you keep yourself busy with work or hobbies. Bowling, volunteering, and school is what kept me busy - you just have to find something that you like. Volunteering really helped to distract me. Even if you do little projects at a time around the house or get involved in events your local area.

But you'll always miss her and she'll always have a place in your heart. For me, there is some peace knowing that my mom is no longer suffering.

I want to say I lost both of my parents and Aunt and grandmother in one year and 8 months . They all had illnessed and it happened suddemny in hospital. I feel the pain here and then especially during holidays and special events. But it is life. It hurts when you see others and they are with their parents and you yearn for that. But I know God is taking care of them in heaven. So I understand your feelings Shells and to our poster I say be in prayer it strengthens you, GOD is with you, you are not alone. He rescued me during my pain. When people walked away and left me alone the LORD was there holding me up. praise GOD. WRITE, I can share, hugs, John
 
bootiful said:
My mom passed away 2 weeks ago today.  I am an only child, we didn't have any family that we talked to.  I called my grandmother to tell her that her first born had died and she didn't care.  She thanked me for telling her and that's it.  I have no boyfriend, I have 1 good friend who lives about an hour away so I hardly see her and I have a dog.  That is what my life consists of now.  My mom used to be my world, now I am all alone trying to figure out what to do with myself so I don't go insane.

I work, come home, walk my dog and watch tv.  That's about it.  Now, without my mom's disability check I don't know how I'm going to make ends meet.  I have no one to talk to except my 1 friend.. and now that I live an hour away we hardly get to see eachother.  Yes, we text every day but it's not the same.

Sometimes at night I get so lonely that I feel like I am in a dark hole and I'll never be able to come out.

I need a hobby.. I don't feel like reading books anymore, I've read too many already.  I wanted to start sewing so I could make my own clothes and whatnot but I don't want to spend money on the materials and stuff.  Any hobbies that have worked for anyone out there that you can recommend?  I'm even willing to join a support group or something like that but I don't know where to find those groups.  I live in Aurora, Illinois (about 45 mins from Chicago) and I'm 27.  If anyone has suggestions for me as to how to keep myself busy or how to get past this loneliness please let me know.

I know you posted this back in 2010. Don’t know if you are still on this forum. If you are, just curious to know how you are doing presently. How have you coped with your mother’s passing over the years? My mother passed away almost 8 months ago from cancer. She and I were also very close. My situation mirrors what you posted about yourself. It’s difficult.
 
bootiful said:
My mom passed away 2 weeks ago today.  I am an only child, we didn't have any family that we talked to.  I called my grandmother to tell her that her first born had died and she didn't care.  She thanked me for telling her and that's it.  I have no boyfriend, I have 1 good friend who lives about an hour away so I hardly see her and I have a dog.  That is what my life consists of now.  My mom used to be my world, now I am all alone trying to figure out what to do with myself so I don't go insane.

I work, come home, walk my dog and watch tv.  That's about it.  Now, without my mom's disability check I don't know how I'm going to make ends meet.  I have no one to talk to except my 1 friend.. and now that I live an hour away we hardly get to see eachother.  Yes, we text every day but it's not the same.

Sometimes at night I get so lonely that I feel like I am in a dark hole and I'll never be able to come out.

I need a hobby.. I don't feel like reading books anymore, I've read too many already.  I wanted to start sewing so I could make my own clothes and whatnot but I don't want to spend money on the materials and stuff.  Any hobbies that have worked for anyone out there that you can recommend?  I'm even willing to join a support group or something like that but I don't know where to find those groups.  I live in Aurora, Illinois (about 45 mins from Chicago) and I'm 27.  If anyone has suggestions for me as to how to keep myself busy or how to get past this loneliness please let me know.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Hobbies are good to keep your mind occupied, but in my experience things only get better with time. I would recommend a physical activity, as they are healthy, help regulate hormones, body chemicals, and relieve stress. They are also very inexpensive for the most part as well. Do you believe in God? If you do diving into faith can really help. If you need to talk to someone I'm here just message me, and there are many others here willing to talk I'm sure. I hope you find peace in your situation.
 
Ah! bootiful!
You only get one mom and when she passes it's devastating. What with my father dying early and family rows, there was just me, Mom and my prodigal brother. We were very close and I supported her through life's problems. She passed 10 years ago and, of course I miss her but she, her love, her humour, her example and her advice live on on my heart. It was quite awful at first, almost physical but, though you might not believe it now, it does get better and you will have all those warm memories to rely on.
What to do now? Try to keep busy, try to find things to do and places to go. Talk to people. I was surprised to find new friends through joining clubs and new interests. That wasn't easy but I knew I had to get out of the house, now so silent and full of memories that fed my misery.
Grief is horrible but it will eventually pass. What you mustn't do is let it consume you, you have to look up and out, even if you think now you may never. Sadly we have all got to cope with the loss of loved ones, so yes we do understand what you are going through but sometimes you just have to face into the wind and spit in the eye of fate and go on. Don't remember the sadness and the illness; cling to all the happy times you shared. Eventually these will become warm memories and that's how your Mom will live on, in you and part of you. Be strong!
 
This thread saved me yesterday from a very low mood. And i felt attracted to this phorum. My mum passed away in September 2017. She was 59. I did not know that she had a tumor, i guess she did not know as well.I was in London when she must have gotten worse. We never had a very good contact. One day i was informed  that she is at the hospital and when i got there she was in coma. She died within 8 days. I do not have a father. My family is worse for me then strangers and i have no friends. First 1 and half year since she died was not that bad, i was trying to deny it. I was also with a partner who was some kind of support. Not much but always. I broke up with him for diffrent reasons and now i started feeling pain. Because i left alone with this.  I feel like i am on desert island. Nobody for me. Even my dog passed aways 2 moths ago. I feel like i still do not want to feel this pain. I am afraid what will be next. Is there anyone here with similar experience?
 
I'm so so very sorry. I live with my mom and have no one else. It's a nightmare. If it wasn't for her I would be homeless.
 
I lost my own mother 5 weeks ago. She had been a problem for me to look after for a long time and for a lot of reasons. I absolutely do not miss her company, nevertheless the absence of that 24/7 responsibility has left a void that I have not yet resolved. Life is an uncertainty and I'm in uncharted territory now.....even at my age, and I'm probably the oldest person on this forum.
 

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