"Help me, i'm a loner!"

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André

Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2010
Messages
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Location
Brazil
First of all, I'm 16 years old, and I live in Brazil. Anyway, let me talk about my loneliness. I'e never had friends, in my classrom, everybody rejects, ignores, and excludes me. Maybe because I'm different, but in what? maybe because i don't like to do those stuped things like they do, they are sooooooo imature, actually, nowdays, all the teenagers are like this, so I feel diferent, I feel like there is no one for me. I aways tried to be their friends, and i always got hurt with the result. I go to a phsycologist because of this. Now, months ago, I decided that i want to be a loner. I stop talking to them, to any other people. I don't go out anymore, I've just stayed home, enjoying the night, the loneliness, and myself. I have a happy family, but no friends, I feel like i'm empty inside. If i want to go out, there is no one to go with, so I can't go out. I've always wanted to have a decent girlfriend, lovely and careless, to mary her some day, but it's impossible to find a girl like this nowday. So i stay all alone, with no one to talk, unless my family, but it's different. Everybody is worried about my loneliness, but THIS IS ME!, people had always rejected, so this made me be a loner... and i started liking it. My classmates are guilty for my lonelines, I HATE THEM, but anger isn't good, so i'll stop talking about them. Anyway, What should I do? What places should I go to meet someone like me? Someone that has an own opinion about the world, someone careless, humble, and honest? Where?
Who am I? Your opinion is REALLY IMPORTANT to me, because I've never talked to loner people, so this is my chance. Thank you all of you :)
 
Hi fellow loner person. Well for a place to meet people like you, here is a good start - I joined a couple of days ago and I have already took notice to some great people, all with similar traits as me.

If you want to socialize with people like yourself in real life though, variety is a good thing. Try new places, and if you can be the first to start a conversation. Even talk to people you wouldn't usually talk to, you might be surprised as looks can be deceiving.

Best of luck.
 
Loner people . . hmm,
You're insulting me, do I really want to help you :D.

Just kidding heh.

Okay well, your post says that your classmates feel bad about excluding you?
If you're so lonely, why not give them another chance?
When you're with them, speak your mind . . tell them that you think they do some things that are immature and it bothers you.

And if you want to find a girlfriend, or even friends . . you should start being more social. You won't find friends by sitting in your room all day :D.
Stop excluding yourself from your peers at school and talk with the ones who don't annoy you by their immaturity.
Get involved in school/community activities like sports or other hobbies.
It's easy to be friends with someone when you have many similar interests :).

Hope I helped!
 
Well, about my classmates, THEY ignore and reject me. Really, I tried everything to have their friendship, I've talked to all of them, sharring all my feelings, that i was feeling reject, etc... but they DON'T CARE! So, I don't want their friendship anymore, i don't! I don't even know if I want to have a great social life, 'cause i got used to be a loner. I don't want to be popular or something, just want to be happy. I want to find a nice girl, that I can spent the rest of my life at her side... But where can I find this girls? Nowdays, girls go everywhere, and kiss everyone they think it's cute.... I don't like thins kind of girl! I prefer to be alone instead of having boring and selfish friends. i'm a person that really, really care about others, i want to find people like me, as I said before, anyway...
 
I see what you mean, but it's not gonna come wrapped up waiting for you at your doorstep. If that is your absolute goal in life, to settle down or whatever - you have to do the best you can to make it happen. That doesn't mean you go out and be someone who you are not, just be yourself but go to the right places, new places.
 
So, i think the solution is: going outside, alone. Exemple: going to a restaurant alone, and eat alone. people will think I'm a loner, but I am!!!! If someone is interesting in a loner guy, it'll will come to me. Someone may feel sorry for me and come to talk to me... maybe this can be a start... There is a snack bar here, where almost all the girls go. I should go there, sit in a table, and eat an ice cream, alone. I'll be having fun, watching people and meeting people. What do u guys thing about it?
I should start doing things that I would do if I have friends.... even it's alone.
 
Yes doing something that will put you around people.

Welcome to the site.
 
Yeah that's the right idea, but if possible join some sort of community where people will be almost pushed into talking to you. I don't know your local area so I'm not sure where exactly this could be but look around, maybe some sort of club I don't know.
 
Another thing, i'm a member of some chats, wher ei have friends, but.... It isn't real, it isn't in real life. I spent all my time sitting in the computer talking to them... I should stop doing that and start doing something similiar in real life. Those chats i go.... are just another way I use to "kill" my loneliness.
 
André said:
First of all, I'm 16 years old, and I live in Brazil. Anyway, let me talk about my loneliness. I'e never had friends, in my classrom, everybody rejects, ignores, and excludes me. Maybe because I'm different, but in what? maybe because i don't like to do those stuped things like they do, they are sooooooo imature, actually, nowdays, all the teenagers are like this, so I feel diferent, I feel like there is no one for me. I aways tried to be their friends, and i always got hurt with the result. I go to a phsycologist because of this. Now, months ago, I decided that i want to be a loner. I stop talking to them, to any other people. I don't go out anymore, I've just stayed home, enjoying the night, the loneliness, and myself. I have a happy family, but no friends, I feel like i'm empty inside. If i want to go out, there is no one to go with, so I can't go out. I've always wanted to have a decent girlfriend, lovely and careless, to mary her some day, but it's impossible to find a girl like this nowday. So i stay all alone, with no one to talk, unless my family, but it's different. Everybody is worried about my loneliness, but THIS IS ME!, people had always rejected, so this made me be a loner... and i started liking it. My classmates are guilty for my lonelines, I HATE THEM, but anger isn't good, so i'll stop talking about them. Anyway, What should I do? What places should I go to meet someone like me? Someone that has an own opinion about the world, someone careless, humble, and honest? Where?
Who am I? Your opinion is REALLY IMPORTANT to me, because I've never talked to loner people, so this is my chance. Thank you all of you :)


well, i started out being a loner myself due to some very similar reasons. but now that i am older, i look at what you have said, and i want to say one thing that alot of people here will somewhat agree with. the automatic no when asked to go do things, or no to yourself when an idea involving a social situation comes to mind develops over time and can become a habit that is hard to shake if you do not let yourself do some things that would be good for you. i myself am thirty, and have been a loner type since my early teens. just wanted to express one thing that came to mind when i read your post. but being a loner for a few years is a way that some use to cope with some things in my opinion, but i find it hard to express everything i have experienced here in one day, with one paragraph, and still do not think i will ever sum it all up. just watch out for that automatic no, it can hold you back.
 
Please don't tell people that you feel rejected, it probably makes them feel awkward. Don't make people feel like they HAVE to include you. The best things come naturally, spontaneously. :)
 
*hugs andre*

I was in a situation a lot like this when I was 16 the last few years of hughschool were hell for me


but guess what I made it out alive, and you will too :)

kids were asses flakey and immature, I've always seemed to get along better with teachers and adults rather than kids my own age,

you'll be okay, just take it day by day
try to immerse yourself into hobbies, such as excersice, reading or the arts like a musical insturment

every friday night seriouslly, I would come home make a frozen pizza, play the guitiar and watch will and grace until 3 am it wasn't too bad,

I'd go to the bookstore,a dn honeysuckle and read novels

I would go to the gym a lot afterschool to work out too

I'm now I'm pretty competant at the guitar,and in pretty decent shape

so in some ways I'm better off today for those lonely years

you're not alone there are tons of lonely people, even in your own school too, but you wouldn't notice it, because people hide their lonlieness behind fake smilies and happy facade.


you should see if there are any meetup groups in your area

www.meetup.com

I've had some really cool experinces through meetup.com


life can be pretty rough and highschool is no exception, but this too shall pass,
someday the lonlieness will be a thing of the past

relax be confident :)

and heres a hug *hugs*

kitty-hugs.gif



remeber we're all in this together and I'm pulling for you

:)
 
Dear Andre,
I'll share your secret. Try to be best in what you love most, try to be best in a field and your friends will find you, you'll find people with who you will have things in common. :*
 
André said:
So, i think the solution is: going outside, alone. Exemple: going to a restaurant alone, and eat alone. people will think I'm a loner, but I am!!!! If someone is interesting in a loner guy, it'll will come to me. Someone may feel sorry for me and come to talk to me... maybe this can be a start... There is a snack bar here, where almost all the girls go. I should go there, sit in a table, and eat an ice cream, alone. I'll be having fun, watching people and meeting people. What do u guys thing about it?
I should start doing things that I would do if I have friends.... even it's alone.

Yes that would be a good start. Also maybe try starting a conversation with someone while waiting in life for the ice-cream. Something like..."Do you come here often?"...or..."This place sure has good ice-cream, don't you agree?". As stupid as it may seem (at least, to me) most people actually do like engaging in pointless small talk.

You don't meet people by sitting alone in a room waiting to be talked to. You say that you are used to being a loner, however you also say that you want to meet people. It's a contradiction, but sometimes you just have to stop doing what you're used to and do something that feels unnatural - say hello.
 
It’s a bad idea to stop talking to people, life is full of people that you will not like or get along with. Now is the time for YOU to develop the skills to deal with THOSE people later in life. I never avoided anyone, rather, I would engage them no matter what my distain for them was. Now, I have a great deal of confidence (in myself) and have no problem doing things if I want to. A confident person gives off an aura that bad people avoid (something important to know). It’s all a matter of presence.

What is wrong with going out by yourself? I have most of my life and learned early on the many advantages of going out alone. I have never gotten a bad seat to a concert, going to the box office just before a show. You will find that there is always room for “one more” more often then there is for a few. The one thing I have gotten use to is going places alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a painfully lonely person, mainly because I am very hurt due to the current circumstances of my life. I have to literally force myself to go places. I have been in my house for almost 5 years choosing to be alone (no this hasn’t worked well), now, I have specific things to do at specific times of the week. 2 of these forced treks out are to the get a coffee on Friday and Saturday night. I also have to talk to at least 3 people (excluding employees of the coffee shop). This is really the easy part, being alone I listen to all the conversations going on and chose which one I want to take part in. Now I don’t interrupt and I only make a slight comment so I’m not forcing my way into the conversation. I find this works well for me (I don’t like being pushy).

You’re not a loner, you’re lonely.


 

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