It's not especific to gender.
Anyhow getting out of a relationship that's gone toxic is not the easiest thing in the world. It might serve you to reserch on cycles
toxic relationship, abusive relationship and/or co-dependency.
All of thses has the same cycle. If there's drugs N alcohol involved,
its going to be a cluster fresia amplified by a hundred.
Most drugs abuser have obsessive and complusive behaviors.
There's a chart that you can look at so you"ll get a better undertanding of what's happening.
The insane behaviors is to isolate you. Sabatage your relationships with other people. The sueicide threaths is to mentally and emotionally drag you through the mud through GUILT.
Once you're in a mental fog and emotionally unstable then the blame shifting begins. Re enforce by more guilt N shame...then you'll actually believe it's your fualt. Re enforced by more isolations...to the piont that you belive you cant live without the abuser.
Of course you're not going to bite if he's being a dick all the time.
Any fool can recognize the devil carrying a pitch fork.
It's when he's a fucken magician with all the illusions that fucks most poeple up.lol
So theres' a short period of close bonding.( a sense of hope..but it's fualt hope) then followed by love stravations ( that's why your being isolated). Then you'll simply do whatever, enable, get used N abused like a doormate....then all of that feeds on itself even more.
You feel bad about yourself. All of the turama N dramma leaves you mentally, emotionally and spiritual bankrupt. Tired....too tired to leave or fear of leaving cuz all the life force had been sucked out of ya. In a nut shell you bacisally become a slave, puppet or controlled.
He needs serious professional help.
The abuser will be in total denial of it.
You're best route is to not have any contact with your ex...via all avenues...texting, phone calls, physical contact. You urself also
need to time to heal from the mental and emotional fog.
The longer you stay away...the clearer you'll see.
A common mistake a lot of people make is to get into another relationship on a rebound becuz of the emptiness feelings and feeling lost and alone becuz they had been living in isolation(not necessary physical)...but they have radars out of that type of partners or end up in another toxic relationship.
While it's healthy to move forward..but most people wont take
the time to take a good look at themselve or give themselves time
to heal or become more self supporting at the core of thier being or they simply arnt aware of whats happening, understand or think
life is just like that.
If you are using or abusing drugs N alcohol urself to cope or whatever
then that's not healthy either. It's like the kettle calling the crack pot black. It's will known that abusers will also get thier partners addicted to drugs or other forms of addiction...such as money N sex. A fualt sense of security. The combination of guilt N shame the victim being a drugs user and the drug addiction itself...keeps them going back to thier abusive partner...You're about as sick as your secrets.
Like you say...he was the greatest guy in the world, spoiling you rotten in whatever ways...
However it's not specific to drugs abuse. Religion, morals n values,
emocomics and how a person was raised or borned into a dysfucntional enviorment all play roles in why a person would continue to get involve in an abusive/toxic relationship over and over again or kept going back to thier abusive partner.
Many women will start attending alanon becuz thier husbands or BF
gose to AA or are deem the alki if they themselves are even willing to admit they also played a part in it (drunk or not) but they themselve were drinking N partying side by side with thier partners.
Plenty of people attend alanon meetings messed up out of thier fucken mind or heavily medicated.....
It's old news that Alanon is the back door to AA.lol
The biggest miss conception people have about recovery is that
once a person stops abusing drugs N alcohol that all thier living problems would go away. While being abstance is key but it's just
the first step of recovery. Many people still continue to live the same life style or retain alot of unhealthy behavior patterns long after getting clean and sober. Changes take time and a lot of people
wernt willing to take the time to work no themselves, get to know themselve, understand themselve...Plus its just so much easier to
fall back into the comfortzone. As unhealthy as it may be...it's comfortible and familar. Most if not all people function better when things are comfortiable and familar to them.
I can walk into a room full of women...I'll attract the sickest one
in the room. The sicker the better. I'm a pyscho ***** magnet.
Actaully I'm sicker...I create stalkers
