Why can't I make friends?

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RDorothy

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I always want to go out but no one ever calls me to go anywhere. I want a friend badly but every time I try they back away as if they sense how desperate I am. The disappointment I feel from those failures make me want to try even less. It’s like a negative spiral where I don’t know if I can make friends in life anymore. I’m going off to teach English in China at summer’s end to start a new life. However, I have never had any luck in life so I don’t even know if this is the right decision. Everything seems so uncertain in my life. I just want something in my life to make me feel secure like a friend who promises to never leave my side. I feel lonely all the time. Each day is the same. When it was my birthday people forgot and called me a week later. My life is so pathetic and this lack of social interaction with people has made me into a very spiteful person. I hate the world more and more. All I want is a friend so why is that so hard? Someone who will listen to my concerns, hang out with me, lend a hand when I need it, and generally be there for me. Why is that so hard? I feel like I’m cursed sometimes. Like I’m doomed to stay depressed my whole life. It’s like I’m just waiting for the right moment to explode. When that time comes it’ll all be over and I’ll be really angry/sad at everything. I share a room with my brother so I hardly get any peace in our tiny apartment. Whenever I go out I feel self-conscious, like people are watching/judging me. The sad thing is, I graduated with a psychology degree; that just makes my whole situation all the more ironic. My family asks me, why can’t you be more optimistic? I just feel so alone and forgotten that I don’t want to live anymore. I mean, even a psychologist needs to have social support, right? When I don’t have any in real life, how can I feel happy? There are people I chat with over the internet. But that is usually boring since we don’t know what to discuss about. I think they feel the same way. It’s as if they can sense my true emotions over the computer screen. They know I’m hiding my depression and people want to stay away from it. Sometimes I try to explain my situation using karma and reincarnation; that maybe in my past lives I did very bad things. So I am allowed to suffer in this lifetime as punishment from God. But I just can’t take this anymore. Why can’t I just get a little room to breathe? Like a glimmer of hope? Indeed, I have done some bad things in my life before, but those things were never of the magnitude where I deserve to be friendless, poor, and unhappy for an entire decade! The bad things I did were unintentional; I disrespected and quarreled with my family frequently during those turbulent teenage years. But doesn’t everybody? Plus the only other thing I can think of to justify my punishment would be teasing the little kids my grandma babysat. Are those such terrible things that I must live so miserably now? I often feel uninspired because I don’t think there’s a point to doing anything. I have become a very cynical person over the years. I started out as a bright young kid but look at me now. I have changed so much into a shell of a man. I have heard the saying that we should love ourselves before anyone will love us. However, I find it hard to love myself when my life has been miserable for so long. I feel like there’s nothing special about me out of this gigantic world of 6 billion other people. Plus the reactions of people around me help to confirm that belief repeatedly. They ignore me and generally find me as either a burden/eyesore. I feel so horrible all the time. When I wake up occasionally I feel numb in the face, as if my mind is paralyzed by yet another dreary day. I also go through a cycle of saving and then deleting porn from my computer. I feel dirty for storing so much but eventually replace them so I don’t know what I should do. I have no experience meeting girls and my current financial situation really doesn’t help to build up confidence either.

I’m sorry if I have made you uncomfortable by reading this post. It’s just how I honestly feel right now. Well, I shouldn’t dwell on my depression so much.

Thank you for reading.
 
personally i don't believe in karma, there's no way you deserve to feel down or lonely
, making friends is hard

usually the way we make new friends is through current friends so it's really hard to make friends if you don't have any i was in a similar situation in high school

i didn't have any friends over for my 17th or 18th brithday, cuz i had no one to invite :(

i have a friend who's studying psychology she siad she wanted to understand people better, but she's still at a loss, psychology is really interesting i've taken a few psyche courses


i can relate to the whole having trouble feeling special in such a big world, i don't like being 1/6billionth of something, it isn't a nice feeling

but maybe try getting out or getting a hobby,

i would go out sometimes drive palces or bike places always in hopes of maybe meeting someone, but i never did except for like 2 or 3 times, but all it takes is one encounter to make a friend :)

you can maybe try talking to people at the gum, park or bus stop

it ccan be intimidating i know, but sometimes you just have to go for it,

but i hope things get better

*hugs*

:)

have you tried meetup.com it's pretty neat and a good way to meet new people
 
Wow, it's like looking in a mirror...
I'm sorry you feel that way RDorothy, but you are definitely not alone with that way of thinking. Especially the part about wanting just one good friend who sticks with you.
And about the porn, I wouldn't feel guilty about it. Even though we are alone and have no girlfriends, guys will be guys. There has to be some way to relieve the stress. ^^

I guess if I could provide any advice, it would be to make online friends. Lots of them. I find that when I talk to tons of people online, it almost makes up for having no social life in the real world. ^^;

Hang in there...
 
I have no close friends. I'm not real around people, I act like I don't have a care in the world, like I'm happy and self confident. I've even convinced a few people that I'm a narcisist xD It doesn't exactly make me happy all the time, I get lonely a fair bit, but while I'm with people I can make 'em laugh and relaxed <When it gets serious I struggle... but eh. Anyway, not exactly sure what I'm saying. But...

I think it's a choice. Your actions are what determine who wants to be your friend and you determine your actions. Sure, you've done stuff in the past but who cares? I've done my fair share of bad things (More than you I'd guess) but once the punishment is dealt you move on. I struggle with things I haven't been punished for and they affect my current mindset and actions. So, just try and move on from your past wrong doings and look at your current actions and how they affect the people around you. Let's say you're nice, I don't know you at all but w.e, benefit of the doubt xP You're nice, but you're not confident. People can see that, even if they don't realise that that's what they see, they see it. It's easier to be happy when the people around you are happy, confidence is a HUGE part of happiness and thus people prefer to be around people who are confident (Putting other people down displays a lack of confidence in the worst way). So BAM, showing depression or a lack of confidence is going to drive most people away.

But, then if friends bring confidence and confidence brings friends and you're lacking both where do you begin? Fake confidence? I guess this works a bit. I mean, I have friends. No close friends, really, but friends nonetheless and I'd have to thank fake confidence. You've also gotta trust people. Who really cares if you get hurt? You won't always get betrayed, some people are actually nice. So you trust someone, they feel happy that you trust them and in turn they trust you. It's a cycle. It's all a cycle.

I don't really have any answers so this was probably a waste of time reading but I'm tired atm and hopefully it gave you something to think about.

I could be wrong but the way you're writing makes it seem like you're going to make your trip to China nothing special. I may be being a tad insensitive but attitude plays a huge role in how things work out for you. Tell yourself it's going to be great and chances are, it won't be too bad (And even if it is, tell yourself it's great xD). I was depressed and self hating and had no friends, spent a few years telling myself I was awesome and hell, sometimes I believe it. I still have moments when I'm down, but a lot of the time I can lift myself back up, slowly, but eh.

Because I can't be bothered rewording that paragraph I'll just add this. It sounds you're going to China to run away and giving up on your problems here. I don't know how bad your life is but do you really think running away from it will change anything? Do you really think you'll do anything different in China? Or will you be the same person? Will you still not have any friends and be lonely all over again?
Not an uplifting series of questions but something to think about.


Wow, hard to read but harder to rewrite. If you got any questions about what I meant I'll try and answer 'em so it's easier to understand xD
 
Thank you for all the sincere replies. Fake confidence, shared activity, and online friends are good suggestions to get rid of my loneliness. My trip to China was meant as a way to run away from problems but I should change that attitude. The attitude I adopt while traveling there will affect my social life.
 
RDorothy said:
Thank you for all the sincere replies. Fake confidence, shared activity, and online friends are good suggestions to get rid of my loneliness. My trip to China was meant as a way to run away from problems but I should change that attitude. The attitude I adopt while traveling there will affect my social life.
I want my post to sound neutral and warm and not arrogant. And not sounding really boring, because I really want to help and stop someone falling into the same path as me.

There are a few people in this forum, had problems making friends in high school.

Then they worked hard to graduate college BUT still had problem making friends.

I am 32 already and this is exactly what I went through. It's unbelievable but it's true, I am quiet and not having common interest with people.

There could be self-confidence, self-esteem issues and quietness and shyness.

There is no quick fix. These are only suggestions.

Outgoing people make friends easily because they talk a lot, don't have self-esteem issues, they have common interest with their friends, they meet friends through friends, they like going out and talk to people. They constantly hang out with friends.

Time to calm down and get to know yourself.

1- self-confidence & self-esteem - are you confident ? do you like yourself ? are you nervous in social places ?

2 - attitude - are you unhappy all the time ? are you worrying about not having friends all the time ? are you self-conscious all the time ?

3 - Interest - do you have any interest that others can share ? assuming you are early 20s, you should do some of the things young people do.

4- People skill - do you have problem finding things to say. do you say things about you having low self-esteem and have a lot of problems to new people you meet ? People skill is really just talking to people. And don't say rude or negative things all the time.

5 - Social activities - do you talk & meet people daily ? If you have a job such as retail sales you have to interact with people. Don't lock yourself up in your apartment all day and do solo activity like reading, watching t.v and play video games. This makes you even more boring and hard to relate to others.

Find people on your wave length, if you like playing basketball, meet people that like basket ball, if you like reading, meet people that likes reading. I hope you see what I mean. Fake interest in reading just to make them like you is bad strategy.

I'm not talking about taking drugs & alcohol and party all night to fit in with outgoing people.

These suggestions are really only writing on paper. You have to take actions to change your attitude, meet people on your wave length through common interest or social activities.

Also for people that have no friends. They might have a rigid idea of what friends are.

Friends are someone who is - then followed by a lot of rules and qualities they must have, and measured closeness in relationship, good friends, not so good friends, friends you don't like, friends you hate.

Friends are just people that knows your name and you know their name. And have something in common to talk about.

That's all I have to say for now.



 
I'm brand new to this whole community, but I definitely felt the need to join after reading this post. I'm in exactly the same situation as many of you. I'm a college grad, working as a teacher in a school where very few young people work. And the young people that ARE there I just don't talk to all that much. Sometimes, I just don't know what to say to them, or how to begin asking anyone to do some friendly activity. But I just don't know how to do it, and/or I'm deathly afraid of them rejecting me.

Outside of work, it's a lost cause. There are no groups, organizations, or anything that I can think of joining, because I don't really have any hobbies that people make groups for. And I have zero friends to introduce me to anyone, so I just stay in this rut day after day after day.

I wish I had some good answers to help you with your problem. But I just wanted to write this message so that you would know that you are NOT alone. There are others, like me, who are going through the same thing.
 
I think it's pretty cool that you're going to China to teach English! This is the kind of drastic change I'd be very excited about, so I'm a little surprised to find so much doom and gloom emitting from your post. You may make friends in China. You could find the love of your life in China. Be patient and optimistic. Look forward to this great new turn of events and try to make the most of it.

Good luck!
 
Hi. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. When we are in this negative space, it's hard to see things clearly and hard to try to improve our lives.

I am sort of like you. I am 44 (probably older), educated and I, too, have always had trouble making friends. I believe for me, even though now I do really love to socialize, share, laugh, support, etc. it's because I am introverted, have a history of insecurity and grew up a lone and live alone and thus I am not comfortable "hanging out" as others are. It's like I have to put a time limit because I truly do not know HOW to be with people sometimes.

I think a lot of our problem (and not to blame you, just perhaps explain what might be going on) is the "energy" we are giving out. I was listening to a Buddhist lecture this last weekend and it was saying that if we feel guilty about who we are (ie. we feel "less than", "inferior", or "wrong" in some way) we attract criticism! I was shocked when I heard this but not surprised when it comes to metaphysics.

The same goes if we feel unworthy or not worthwhile to know. I don't know about you, this has been a painful emotion to me...I've often felt not "worth it" for people to care even though I care about them.

So I am working to change that with affirmations. Not to inflate my ego to to feel very very OK about who I am. I'll say things like "I am worth knowing. I am sweet, funny, loving, supportive, good sense of humor....etc" (list the good qualities you have). Then I say "I deserve love because I am a nice person"!

I've noticed a lot of people have friends who do NOT even have these qualities...not particularly charming or good sense of humor YET they have friends. Why? Maybe they just give off the vibration of "deserving" friendship, or being OK with themselves, even though they are very imperfect.

That is what I am exploring. You seem to be a sensitive person. Look into how you really feel about yourself and what you deserve and work on changing those beliefs. Write it down everything you believe about yourself then start to believe you deserve love, friendship, loyalty, support, etc. See what happens. And still write here....I know this takes time, and there are no "pat" answers, just change and growth.

I am open to being an email pal on this issue if you like.
 
I'm not going to repeat a lot of the excellent words that have already been said in this thread, but one thing I will say is that it takes *time* to cultivate close friendships. You talk a lot about people being there for you, listening to you etc, but that sort of support and loyalty doesn't come instantly, it can many months or years. The first step is simply to be friendly to people you meet a lot in your daily life. Gender and age and profession are irrelevant if you're starting off with no friends, so sweep aside any assumptions or stereotypes you may have about who your friends should be. Just say hi and make small talk and chit chat. This can be hard work if you're not used to it, but it is where you must begin. Chat about the weather, sport, a TV programme, whatever just *talk*. As time goes on, you will see who you have natural chemistry with. Then chats can get a little more personal (but not instrusive or creepy). Then that is when you might suggest something light hearted like a coffee or a shopping trip. I would say it takes at least a year to become properly close to someone- close enough to confide in them, trust them, call them a true friend... and of course it works both ways. Keep in regular but not constant contact. I'm a slow burner when it comes to making friends: I've always made lots wherever I've been but it takes me awhile. I've just started at a new work place and I'm not the loudest or the most confident person. I simply smile and say hello. I am becoming closer every day to one of my colleagues: she is lovely and we get on well. I could see her being a friend in the future. But I've only known her for two months and it is way too soon to start confiding in her or start expecting her to provide support for me. I wouldn't even ask her to do something outside of work yet.

And not all friendships are permanent. They change and evolve over time and some end. But one thing everyone else around you has in common is that they live for human contact and interaction, it's what makes us human.Your only barrier is yourself and your own attitude.

And it sounds cheesy but count your blessing- you are so lucky to have an opportunity to travel. I would absolutely love to go to the other side of the world and experience a different culture. It is an immense and exciting opportunity. See what you have already and be thankful for it.
 
You have major self-esteem issues as others have pointed out. You probably already knew that before you posted though. You're going to have to sort that out. The thing is, nobody can really tell you exactly how to do that. Your low opinion of yourself is such a personal problem that you have to figure it out for yourself. Consider this though: you posted here about your problem. Obviously you feel that your situation is not how it should be or how you want it to be. Right there you have the basis from which to build your self-esteem. You already realise that you should be entitled to more out of life, and you're right. Don't forget or ignore that basic feeling you have.
 
DaveIsLonely said:
You have major self-esteem issues as others have pointed out. You probably already knew that before you posted though. You're going to have to sort that out. The thing is, nobody can really tell you exactly how to do that. Your low opinion of yourself is such a personal problem that you have to figure it out for yourself. Consider this though: you posted here about your problem. Obviously you feel that your situation is not how it should be or how you want it to be. Right there you have the basis from which to build your self-esteem. You already realise that you should be entitled to more out of life, and you're right. Don't forget or ignore that basic feeling you have.



Hello everybody.I read all your posts and i feel exactly the same.What is going on with people?I live in Puerto Rico since 2 years ago,me being from another country.And here i dont know to many people and i try to make friends and it looks like they just dont care.I do know a lot of people,meet them with diferent ocasions,i invite them over,talk to everybody.They are so nice in that moment but then u realize they dont want to keep in touch,or meet or anything else.And i tell you i am a happy woman,i speak with everybody and i am always nice.It just doesnt count anymore.During my whole life i did have very bad experiences with friends.I could not keep them tho i never saw the reason why they always ''left'' me.I am depressed sometimes bcuz of this and i wonder if i will ever find someone close to me,really close...besides my husband.
 
Corina said:
DaveIsLonely said:
You have major self-esteem issues as others have pointed out. You probably already knew that before you posted though. You're going to have to sort that out. The thing is, nobody can really tell you exactly how to do that. Your low opinion of yourself is such a personal problem that you have to figure it out for yourself. Consider this though: you posted here about your problem. Obviously you feel that your situation is not how it should be or how you want it to be. Right there you have the basis from which to build your self-esteem. You already realise that you should be entitled to more out of life, and you're right. Don't forget or ignore that basic feeling you have.



Hello everybody.I read all your posts and i feel exactly the same.What is going on with people?I live in Puerto Rico since 2 years ago,me being from another country.And here i dont know to many people and i try to make friends and it looks like they just dont care.I do know a lot of people,meet them with diferent ocasions,i invite them over,talk to everybody.They are so nice in that moment but then u realize they dont want to keep in touch,or meet or anything else.And i tell you i am a happy woman,i speak with everybody and i am always nice.It just doesnt count anymore.During my whole life i did have very bad experiences with friends.I could not keep them tho i never saw the reason why they always ''left'' me.I am depressed sometimes bcuz of this and i wonder if i will ever find someone close to me,really close...besides my husband.



Hello. I'm from Puerto Rico as well. Maybe you're not hanging out with the correct people. Where in PR are you? Anyway, merry Xmas!
 
You might not want a friend. Maybe you want something more...something intimate? Like a intimate relationship? Anyway.
I really don't know what to tell you. You can't make a person be your friend and stay by your side. I used to be worried about it all the time, but I've just found other things to do. I haven't had any friends in years and my brother and I barely interact anymore, so I don't really have anyone. I'm just keeping it moving,setting and going after goals and dreams.
You probably overthink it to the point that you're obsessed. Ever thought about that? Quit dwelling on your loneliness and isolation and do something. If you try everything to make a friend and you still can't,then just move on. Share your story, and give the world the finger.
 
hello hello hello
I am so connected with all of you & the initial writer. I know that chocolate can sometimes help. lol
I also feel unworthy of ppl's time. I have to be the 'public relations' of my social life and try to maintain I am still interesting. that gets on my nerves. I did grow up in an abusive environment in the countrywhich automatically isolated me mentally & physically. perhaps this pattern of relying on myself has kind of ruled my life.
I have had successful relationships that went south many times. I have gained 2 decent friends through kijiji !!! that's right I actually went online looking for friends. how pathetic but pro active. I hope I have not jinxed myself by mentioning it.
anyway
I was thinking maybe we can all update eachother & support one another by emails which is more immediate.
I would like to think that ppl that are like me to this degree are automatically close to my heart because this is crazy that we are cool, intelligent, well intentioned individuals.
we deserve the connection of real understanding. I hope the person that started this thread has had fun in China and thank you for starting this thread!
may you all be brave & keep life and love in an ok space to exist .
xox


eat some chocolate, close your eyes and know that we lonely people are not as isolated as we once thought. We have this computer tool which brings us together in one digital conference room.

I resinated with Dorothy and all others. Reading them gave me strength and it made me realize that maybe a lot more people walking around you in life think and feel this disconnected too.

life is an illusion and it is not as happy as it seems or not as dark as it seems. Life is managed the best way we can.... Even the most shining person could be struggling internally.

I think it is beautiful we have connected and shared a moment of honor for one another, that we stand alone and deal with life from a scared dark place.
But remember life can be full of bright Stars and glowing Sunshine and we have that power in knowing each other!

be well & be brave & be you proudly! we are awesome !
 
Wow... your thoughts and situation were similiar to my own around that age.

HappyYogi said made some good points about self-loathing often attracting unfair criticism - true, people seem to get annoyed with those who hate themselves for some reason. That along with the observation that people who have friends aren't necessarily that intelligent, funny or successful.

When you're alone there's this tendency to think you have to play people like a fiddle to get them to like you. As if you have to be entertaining all the time, always make insightful interesting comments and never say anything stupid. It's completely wrong. Just evesdrop on a conversation and you'll hear plenty that's embarrassing, but it matters not because those people are relaxed and aren't fixating on the negative in either themselves or others. It's a simple point but if you're really nervous and think there's something wrong with you then others surely will.

China seems likely to make you feel more isolated than ever. And.. er, stop looking at porn, it's unhealthy (as well as immoral IMO), make it the first step away from self-hatred.
 
I know exactly how you feel. I joined this forum last night because I actually asked myself "Am I cursed?" just like what you think...As soon as I asked what few friends I have, to go out last night, I didn't hear another word from them. I know your pain. I do think people "sense" desperation. In friendships and when dating too...I know it's hard. The only friends or people I tend to go out with end up being guys and I usually hook up with them and then feel weird after or they want something more but I don't and again, awkward.

I read a similar story a few years ago about a man that said he had good looks, education, and money, but cannot meet women. For some reason your post reminded me of that. I went to the bookstore last night (what lonely people do on a Saturday night), and I bought a book on "List-Making." I couldn't put it down. Each page had a topic of what to "list." Favorite animals, movies, and there were also more personal things too. I was amazed at how many other memories from years ago those lists brought up. I have been searching too and have suffered from depression, so I am desperately trying to find answers.

Have you seen a therapist? I am still seeing one, it has been two years, ironically everything in my life has improved except friends and dating. Are you a psychologist? What do you do for a living, I'm assuming a teacher. I think it would be AWESOME to teach in China, I think this might be your saving grace. What could it hurt, a new experience, a new place, I think it is perfect for what you are going through.

I wish you the best of luck, please don't give up. There are support groups, and you are not alone. You just have to realize you can't make instant friends. People have to naturally click. And yes, I once thought everyone was judging me. But thats what people do! I judge them too, thats a natural human response. Just be yourself, polite, respectful, but yourself too. Don't give too much or yes you will become (or already have become) resentful and then end up doing the opposite, shutting down. I know, because I've done it. Be patient, enjoy your time in China. Reach out to people like you, and don't be suspicious of everyone. This world is cruel, but there is also beauty and good people. Join a yoga class, you meet great people there too. Be casual, not too eager, please don't give up!



RDorothy said:
I always want to go out but no one ever calls me to go anywhere. I want a friend badly but every time I try they back away as if they sense how desperate I am. The disappointment I feel from those failures make me want to try even less. It’s like a negative spiral where I don’t know if I can make friends in life anymore. I’m going off to teach English in China at summer’s end to start a new life. However, I have never had any luck in life so I don’t even know if this is the right decision. Everything seems so uncertain in my life. I just want something in my life to make me feel secure like a friend who promises to never leave my side. I feel lonely all the time. Each day is the same. When it was my birthday people forgot and called me a week later. My life is so pathetic and this lack of social interaction with people has made me into a very spiteful person. I hate the world more and more. All I want is a friend so why is that so hard? Someone who will listen to my concerns, hang out with me, lend a hand when I need it, and generally be there for me. Why is that so hard? I feel like I’m cursed sometimes. Like I’m doomed to stay depressed my whole life. It’s like I’m just waiting for the right moment to explode. When that time comes it’ll all be over and I’ll be really angry/sad at everything. I share a room with my brother so I hardly get any peace in our tiny apartment. Whenever I go out I feel self-conscious, like people are watching/judging me. The sad thing is, I graduated with a psychology degree; that just makes my whole situation all the more ironic. My family asks me, why can’t you be more optimistic? I just feel so alone and forgotten that I don’t want to live anymore. I mean, even a psychologist needs to have social support, right? When I don’t have any in real life, how can I feel happy? There are people I chat with over the internet. But that is usually boring since we don’t know what to discuss about. I think they feel the same way. It’s as if they can sense my true emotions over the computer screen. They know I’m hiding my depression and people want to stay away from it. Sometimes I try to explain my situation using karma and reincarnation; that maybe in my past lives I did very bad things. So I am allowed to suffer in this lifetime as punishment from God. But I just can’t take this anymore. Why can’t I just get a little room to breathe? Like a glimmer of hope? Indeed, I have done some bad things in my life before, but those things were never of the magnitude where I deserve to be friendless, poor, and unhappy for an entire decade! The bad things I did were unintentional; I disrespected and quarreled with my family frequently during those turbulent teenage years. But doesn’t everybody? Plus the only other thing I can think of to justify my punishment would be teasing the little kids my grandma babysat. Are those such terrible things that I must live so miserably now? I often feel uninspired because I don’t think there’s a point to doing anything. I have become a very cynical person over the years. I started out as a bright young kid but look at me now. I have changed so much into a shell of a man. I have heard the saying that we should love ourselves before anyone will love us. However, I find it hard to love myself when my life has been miserable for so long. I feel like there’s nothing special about me out of this gigantic world of 6 billion other people. Plus the reactions of people around me help to confirm that belief repeatedly. They ignore me and generally find me as either a burden/eyesore. I feel so horrible all the time. When I wake up occasionally I feel numb in the face, as if my mind is paralyzed by yet another dreary day. I also go through a cycle of saving and then deleting porn from my computer. I feel dirty for storing so much but eventually replace them so I don’t know what I should do. I have no experience meeting girls and my current financial situation really doesn’t help to build up confidence either.

I’m sorry if I have made you uncomfortable by reading this post. It’s just how I honestly feel right now. Well, I shouldn’t dwell on my depression so much.

Thank you for reading.
 
Giant walls of text. Aiyaiyai...

I can't offer anything much except to let you know that I hope you make some friends. I might have some information on the art of friend-making that might be of some use to you:

First, and let me be clear about this, all relationships between any number of people are grounded in shared experiences. Furthermore, the more specific and often these experiences are, the more they cement a kind of bond between the individuals that share them.

There are many examples: Two marines, even if they have never met, will immediately have more of a relationship than a marine and a dutch opera singer. The singular uniformity that goes with U.S. Marine training ensures that any two marines will have a very large overlap of shared experiences.

To give another, perhaps less drastic example: A group of guys going bowling every Saturday are drawn closer together through that shared ritual and experience.

Ultimately, having friends boils down to a certain number of factors. First, the top priority of any individual who wishes to have friends should never be, directly, to have friends. There is no shared experience of friendship. There are only shared experiences of activities. Things you do. Second, you have to be able to introduce yourself to someone in a natural way.

This can be tricky to the in-experienced, but it really just consists of bringing up something that is momentarily relevant to both parties. If you are both in a doctors office, you can turn around, smile, and say something like: "There's always a wait", "So what're you in for?", etc.

Or, perhaps you are in a gym. You could say something like, "That's a lot of reps. But I bet you can't do five more!" etc, etc. The variations on an opening line are endless. Some work better than others, none of them have a guaranteed success rate. But the important thing is that the introduction be relevant. If you say something like, "I hear Uganda is nice this time of year.", the first thing that will enter their minds is, "Oh my god he wants to kidnap me."

I could probably write a book about starting conversations alone, but I think you get the jist of it.

Now then, after you have introduced yourself, you really just need to get at least one person to agree to do something with you. The good part about this is that you don't have to be scarlet o'hara for people to want to do stuff with you. As long as you appear half-way decent, you'll usually get a yes. (If you are a girl and the other person is a guy, for the love of god DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. You don't need to worry about making friends and possibly getting raped, too!)

Ok, the best part about doing something together is that it can be as simple as the two of you both watching a tv show that you both like together. If things go off all right, then make a point to do it again in one week, same time. If you do it again: CONGRATULATIONS, you have effectively created a shared experience with another fellow human being!

Now, before I end this post, I would like to point out that this whole process is not duck soup. Are you nervous? Are you afraid! Well, that makes sense, because there is plenty to be afraid about. It takes a fairly high level of social sophistication to be able to detect the looming psychopath.

Unfortunately, I do not have the sheer amount of time at my fingers necessary to fill you in on all the detail. Fortunately for all of us, however, I don't see any reason why I couldn't type up my thoughts on this subject into a practical guide over the next week.

If successful in writing such a guide, I will let you know. :D
 
Wessik said:
Giant walls of text. Aiyaiyai...

I can't offer anything much except to let you know that I hope you make some friends. I might have some information on the art of friend-making that might be of some use to you:

First, and let me be clear about this, all relationships between any number of people are grounded in shared experiences. Furthermore, the more specific and often these experiences are, the more they cement a kind of bond between the individuals that share them.

There are many examples: Two marines, even if they have never met, will immediately have more of a relationship than a marine and a dutch opera singer. The singular uniformity that goes with U.S. Marine training ensures that any two marines will have a very large overlap of shared experiences.

To give another, perhaps less drastic example: A group of guys going bowling every Saturday are drawn closer together through that shared ritual and experience.

Ultimately, having friends boils down to a certain number of factors. First, the top priority of any individual who wishes to have friends should never be, directly, to have friends. There is no shared experience of friendship. There are only shared experiences of activities. Things you do. Second, you have to be able to introduce yourself to someone in a natural way.

This can be tricky to the in-experienced, but it really just consists of bringing up something that is momentarily relevant to both parties. If you are both in a doctors office, you can turn around, smile, and say something like: "There's always a wait", "So what're you in for?", etc.

Or, perhaps you are in a gym. You could say something like, "That's a lot of reps. But I bet you can't do five more!" etc, etc. The variations on an opening line are endless. Some work better than others, none of them have a guaranteed success rate. But the important thing is that the introduction be relevant. If you say something like, "I hear Uganda is nice this time of year.", the first thing that will enter their minds is, "Oh my god he wants to kidnap me."

I could probably write a book about starting conversations alone, but I think you get the jist of it.

Now then, after you have introduced yourself, you really just need to get at least one person to agree to do something with you. The good part about this is that you don't have to be scarlet o'hara for people to want to do stuff with you. As long as you appear half-way decent, you'll usually get a yes. (If you are a girl and the other person is a guy, for the love of god DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. You don't need to worry about making friends and possibly getting raped, too!)

Ok, the best part about doing something together is that it can be as simple as the two of you both watching a tv show that you both like together. If things go off all right, then make a point to do it again in one week, same time. If you do it again: CONGRATULATIONS, you have effectively created a shared experience with another fellow human being!

Now, before I end this post, I would like to point out that this whole process is not duck soup. Are you nervous? Are you afraid! Well, that makes sense, because there is plenty to be afraid about. It takes a fairly high level of social sophistication to be able to detect the looming psychopath.

Unfortunately, I do not have the sheer amount of time at my fingers necessary to fill you in on all the detail. Fortunately for all of us, however, I don't see any reason why I couldn't type up my thoughts on this subject into a practical guide over the next week.

If successful in writing such a guide, I will let you know. :D

Huh. When I try to start a conversation with someone, no matter how simple and innocent my remark, even a basic 'hello', the inevitable response I get is to be told to get lost. Although it is often said in a more .. well .. colourful way.

You mentioned bowling as a shared experience. I've been bowling in a competition league for about 8 years now, and I barely ever get a response to even a 'good morning'. Sometimes the longer you stay, the more people get used to ignoring you.
 

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