nervous tremors anxiety , lazy unmotivated low life

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chelsea666

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first of all i am verry happy to find a site like this , i have just kept everything in for a few years n allways wanted to let it out , but no one not even close ppl will understand how i feel , i have no CONFIDENCE in my self what so ever ! i use to when i was little , was allways the joker in class and out of it ! and the attention seeker ! but now im still the joker but only with close ppl if im with friends that i dont see much i shy away now ,i have a beautiful girlfriend and a flat im 21 , but she deserves a hell lot more then me ! im so lazy its annoying i never ever feel like doing anything ! she has a child with a past partner and i get on well with the child but im to lazy to play with him i tell myself to but after 10 mins of playing i would rather watch sports or play a console ! its killing me ! i dont even feel like sex anymore , i dont wanna lose her ,i dotn have a clue why i dont feel like sex anymore , only bin together 2 years and she beautiful! my life you could say has been bad ! from what ive seen with my parants n my dad in and out of prison , but i dont use that as excuse ! but in 2008 i had the WORST experience ever in my life and i wouldnt wish it apon anyone ! a girl took me to crown court for a 4 day trial , of course i got not guilty but i have never ever been so scared in my whole life , i use to cry at night jus because i was scared of what was going to happen in that court room , of course i was happy when it finished but it still stayed with me , i was out of a job for 2 years cos i wasnt confident enough , i still had friends and went out , but i was hiding so much in side and it all builds up , i went to my doctor n he sent me this anxiety place n they gavee me a booklet to read , and it was exactly what i was expierenceing , "vicious circle" , after so long i got myself a job in a local bar but eventually i had to quit , i was making excuses , cos somtimes i use to get tremors when i was pouring a drink for somone , it was horoble then i would be to scared to pull the next one , so after that job i went to a job that i have previously worked for when i was 16 ,so should be easy right ? nope i got the shakes there to ! i even got shakes at x mas dinner with my family ! i wory waaaaaay to much , im so negative, and i never have faith , i dont know why its so upsetting :( , as i say, now i have a lovley girlfriend and a job but ends soon , so ithen i would havta get anouther one :( witch takes som courage as i havta limit my search cos of my shakes , i still get shakes somtimes , my job is less hands on job so know one notices , i just want som advice , som one to hear from , why do i get tremours ? why am i soo lazy and unmotivated , and negative ? :( thankyou if youve listend oh and also i had a abortion a year ago with my girldfriend , i didnt want it but it was so much stress tht i coulnt handle because the father of my gfs child was a idiot and we had so much stress and hassle of him he took me to court twice for fighting with him , my life has been a mess , it was so hard for me to watch my girlfriend play with her child when i new she should of been playing with mine to , i use to cry to tht to ,i really regret tht choise but i was a mess !

 
Can you afford to see professional help? You have psychosomatic symptoms and a clear example of past trauma that you're not getting over; where are you from, what are your skills, etc?
 

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