How Do I Stop Seeing Myself As The Victim?

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HannahJocelyn

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I have BEEN the victim in the past and now my feet are stuck in it (the past). I catch myself feeling sorry for myself a lot or using my past as an excuse. I really, really hate it and it's making me absolutely despise myself. I read somewhere that when you catch yourself thinking things like that among other thoughts you don't want (insecure thoughts, etc), you should try to watch them go by like clouds and move on. I try to do this and it does work sometimes, but it's really hard to be disciplined and also catch myself in the act. Are there any tips to becoming less selfish in that regard? To help me feel less "victimized"? I just want to look forward at my future and feel confident that it'll be great. I also don't want people to have the impression of me as being self-pitying because I know I'm so much more than that.
 
Reparenting ouselves takes time.
Keep on doing what ur doing...
Yes sometimes and lots of time
I get tired of working it.



Yes being selective with our
thoughts and not react to them.
Or cast them into the nothing..
not running with them...etc..etc.

I cant go all into it in a thread.
Plus my writing is not the best.

You can google..

Replacing our negative inner vioce
or our inner dialog hleps.

Sometimes when were taking ourselve out of vitimhood or role.
Were changing and our abuser havnt.
It require that we stand up for ourselves. The more we U this...the
less sense of fualt guilt your mind and body will feel. All abuser are
different. Its up to U to handle the situation. Sometimes it can get physical....combative or argumentative..or You can walk away..Some abuser willl conner you.

You can google ACOA or codepency. Abusvie.toxic relationship...
Most if not all these people had play
the vitim and found many living tools
suggestions to get themselves out of playing the vitim.

Removing our old deas and unworkable
beliefs.
I belive this is what you.re face with.

All of our old experince is stored in
our memery..Its now a part of our
subconsciouness.

Try youtube....Reprogramming your
mind or subconsciouness

Like someone say....

You gatta empty out your cub before
you can fill it up.

Hes referning to our old idea and unworkable beliefs.

I use the sedana method...helps
me not to run with, drop or let go
of negative thoughs and feelings..
Yes..leting go of feelings of being
a victim..I made great improvments
since I used this letting go program.
 
HannahJocelyn said:
I have BEEN the victim in the past and now my feet are stuck in it (the past). I catch myself feeling sorry for myself a lot or using my past as an excuse. I really, really hate it and it's making me absolutely despise myself. I read somewhere that when you catch yourself thinking things like that among other thoughts you don't want (insecure thoughts, etc), you should try to watch them go by like clouds and move on. I try to do this and it does work sometimes, but it's really hard to be disciplined and also catch myself in the act. Are there any tips to becoming less selfish in that regard? To help me feel less "victimized"? I just want to look forward at my future and feel confident that it'll be great. I also don't want people to have the impression of me as being self-pitying because I know I'm so much more than that.

Well, are you active in volunteering or doing something that helps others? Its probably one of the most self-empowering things to realize that you can genuinely impact someone, or some animal's life to permanently improve it. And its an action, which means more than any words.
 
The difference in how Sedona approch it is....Letting go of
the negative feelings first....not to figure out the thoughts .

Once we get into thoughts...its reinforcing the cycle..too late.lol

If we do that...just let go again.

Kind of like what youre doing
now with your thoughts.

For some reason...this works
faster for me

As u know....we never know what
thoughts and feelings will pop
into our awearness throughout
our days..

The more I let go of those negatives feels....less and less
of it comes back up...

Even if old thoughts pops into my
head...theres no negative feelings
attach to them..
They simply go through me or gets
disbust with little or no effort.

Im moslty in a state off peace most
of my days now.
 
Unfortunately, I don't think it's a thing you can work on directly. That mentality shift is the result of a slew of other self-empowering practices.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
Reparenting ouselves takes time.
Keep on doing what ur doing...
Yes sometimes and lots of time
I get tired of working it.



Yes being selective with our
thoughts and not react to them.
Or cast them into the nothing..
not running with them...etc..etc.

I cant go all into it in a thread.
Plus my writing is not the best.

You can google..

Replacing our negative inner vioce
or our inner dialog hleps.

Sometimes when were taking ourselve out of vitimhood or role.
Were changing and our abuser havnt.
It require that we stand up for ourselves. The more we U this...the
less sense of fualt guilt your mind and body will feel. All abuser are
different. Its up to U to handle the situation. Sometimes it can get physical....combative or argumentative..or You can walk away..Some abuser willl conner you.

You can google ACOA or codepency. Abusvie.toxic relationship...
Most if not all these people had play
the vitim and found many living tools
suggestions to get themselves out of playing the vitim.

Removing our old deas and unworkable
beliefs.
I belive this is what you.re face with.

All of our old experince is stored in
our memery..Its now a part of our
subconsciouness.

Try youtube....Reprogramming your
mind or subconsciouness

Like someone say....

You gatta empty out your cub before
you can fill it up.

Hes referning to our old idea and unworkable beliefs.

I use the sedana method...helps
me not to run with, drop or let go
of negative thoughs and feelings..
Yes..leting go of feelings of being
a victim..I made great improvments
since I used this letting go program.


I really appreciate your responses. And the advice you give, its all very true....you're right, i think i need to take it slow and tweek my approach a little bit. I'm thinking about getting more into meditation to help with relaxing, clearing my mind and having more control over my thoughts. You inspire me with the fact that you have been able to get to a point where the negative thoughts pass through you without much affect on you. I understand what you mean and I crave to be at that point, haha. I will get there!! I just have to cultivate the techniques i want to turn into habit :)
IgnoredOne said:
HannahJocelyn said:
I have BEEN the victim in the past and now my feet are stuck in it (the past). I catch myself feeling sorry for myself a lot or using my past as an excuse. I really, really hate it and it's making me absolutely despise myself. I read somewhere that when you catch yourself thinking things like that among other thoughts you don't want (insecure thoughts, etc), you should try to watch them go by like clouds and move on. I try to do this and it does work sometimes, but it's really hard to be disciplined and also catch myself in the act. Are there any tips to becoming less selfish in that regard? To help me feel less "victimized"? I just want to look forward at my future and feel confident that it'll be great. I also don't want people to have the impression of me as being self-pitying because I know I'm so much more than that.

Well, are you active in volunteering or doing something that helps others? Its probably one of the most self-empowering things to realize that you can genuinely impact someone, or some animal's life to permanently improve it. And its an action, which means more than any words.

I used to, but I kinda fell into this funk and I don't do any sort of volunteering anymore. BUT, coincidentally today, one of my co-workers gave me the name of a wildlife sanctuary nearby that is always looking for volunteers. I want to go into animal behavior, so it'd be perfect! And i think you're right, it'll definitely help me to dismiss those thoughts a lot more easily or even forget about them, at least while im there :) plus, theres nothing better than helping animals!!
 
One thing I find that helps in any activity I think is negative that I want to change is that I try to "act as if". I feel insecure often so I act as if I'm confident and slowly it's working, I'm actually becoming that way. I don't know that I've ever actively tried it in reference to feeling the victim but it works for such a broad range of things I wouldn't be surprised if it also worked for your problem.
 
VideoVidiVisum said:
One thing I find that helps in any activity I think is negative that I want to change is that I try to "act as if". I feel insecure often so I act as if I'm confident and slowly it's working, I'm actually becoming that way. I don't know that I've ever actively tried it in reference to feeling the victim but it works for such a broad range of things I wouldn't be surprised if it also worked for your problem.
I agree, i have actually been doing that as well. Although - someone on here, not sure where or who, said something like, if you act too overly confident or turn on the switch to become outgoing when you feel like you need to ((i wish i could find the post b/c they said it so much better!!)), you start to use it as a defense mechanism. Does that make sense? anyway, that's what i'm worried about because i can pinpoint times when it feels like that's what i was doing. I guess, almost making the other person feel intimidated by my confidence. So maybe, i should just act confident to a certain extent. Learn to ease into it and keep tabs on how much is too much......idk, i feel like im just babbling nonsense now, haha.
 
HannahJocelyn said:
IgnoredOne said:
Well, are you active in volunteering or doing something that helps others? Its probably one of the most self-empowering things to realize that you can genuinely impact someone, or some animal's life to permanently improve it. And its an action, which means more than any words.

I used to, but I kinda fell into this funk and I don't do any sort of volunteering anymore. BUT, coincidentally today, one of my co-workers gave me the name of a wildlife sanctuary nearby that is always looking for volunteers. I want to go into animal behavior, so it'd be perfect! And i think you're right, it'll definitely help me to dismiss those thoughts a lot more easily or even forget about them, at least while im there :) plus, theres nothing better than helping animals!!

In the end, actions show us more than any words, dogma, or philosophy could. If by actions you can realize that you, too, have power, then you will also apply that in hopefully, the most beneficial way for yourself.

Its not wrong to pity yourself, especially when you have been through a lot. But make it useful, too - take the lessons learned, and try to grow from it. In the end, while we have life, we have hope and pain, as they say, is the sensation of the body growing stronger.

 
HannahJocelyn said:
VideoVidiVisum said:
One thing I find that helps in any activity I think is negative that I want to change is that I try to "act as if". I feel insecure often so I act as if I'm confident and slowly it's working, I'm actually becoming that way. I don't know that I've ever actively tried it in reference to feeling the victim but it works for such a broad range of things I wouldn't be surprised if it also worked for your problem.
I agree, i have actually been doing that as well. Although - someone on here, not sure where or who, said something like, if you act too overly confident or turn on the switch to become outgoing when you feel like you need to ((i wish i could find the post b/c they said it so much better!!)), you start to use it as a defense mechanism. Does that make sense? anyway, that's what i'm worried about because i can pinpoint times when it feels like that's what i was doing. I guess, almost making the other person feel intimidated by my confidence. So maybe, i should just act confident to a certain extent. Learn to ease into it and keep tabs on how much is too much......idk, i feel like im just babbling nonsense now, haha.

well that's true but only if you don't have your grounding. I'm in a program called Narcotics Anonymous so I have an amazing support group. the key isn't to hide from the world, it's to act the way you want to be but still let people know how you're feeling and be open and honest with those you trust.
 
Really they can give you little ideas and tricks that all boil down to the same thing, self discipline. Sometimes you need someone to smack you and say "STOP IT!" but in many cases, there is no one there to do it, so you've gotta do it yourself. Hopefully, you should have to resort to actually hitting yourself, but I guess it may be appropriate in the worst cases. When I find myself up late at night, rolling around in bed thinking about everything I regret doing or whatever, I literally tell myself to stop and try to think about something else. If for whatever reason I can't get my mind off of it or get away from it, I try to relax and focus on nothing but my breathing. I try to see, hear, and feel my breathing as it happens (physically and mentally) to try to clear my mind. I've never been able to meditate because my mind is too busy, but all you've got to do is find what works for you. Good luck!
 
I also meditate.. Theres different ways of doing it. A simplle walk
during a sunset or being in nature...
Bacially if your living in the moment...
and not in your head. Youre already achived truning OFF your mind.
Bascially the sedana method get you
in this state of peace...Over and over sedana will tell you to stop figuring it out....

At first there was so much honeysuckle going my head...I struggle with controling my thoughts...to no avail.
I got a suggestion of simply being an observer...Watch my thoughts go by as a pasting parade...dont figure them out....evnetually my mind came to a stop becuse I stopped trying to control it.....Kind of like jumping off a marry go run....once I jumpped off..the merry go round eventaully
came to a rest on its own...

Yes..telling myself to " STOP" helps.

I used to wear a rubber band on my wrist...Snap it...to awaken myself
from going into the old auto pilot thinking. Then back into the moment.

Once Im in the moment...Sometimes Ill just go with flow...enjoy life in the moment..creating happy expeince in the moment. Keep positive thought or create positive thoughts....eventually
over time...these postive thoughts. feelings. And experinces will also be a part of my subconscous. Bacailly reprograming my mind..

I tend to recall happy moments
more than dwelling on traumatic moments..

Over all. Im happy and peacful now.
Progress not perfections...
 

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