What can a loner expect from life?

justanotherloner · Jul 28, 2011

Hi everyone.

Ok, so Im very lonely. I never had an actual girlfriend, only dated some for a short time, and one of them really hurt me. So I ended up loosing my virginity to a hooker, because I was frustrated that Im still a virgin, and thats the only time I had sex (I'm 20 btw). I only have one true friend, some people I just know and hang out VERY rare with (most of them have women in their lives so why bother, everyone has his own life).
Most of my days I spend just alone in my room or sometimes going out also to do something alone or with my one friend.

Long story short, I am definetly sure that I will be alone my whole life, lets not waste time for telling me the typical stuff that I cant know that, I know myself the best and I can tell from my life expieriences. My question is, is it worth doing anything? What will I get from life? I'll just get a job and live my lonely sad life untill I die... Is it possible to find happiness as a loner? Im asking because I know there are a lot of people like me here, also a lot older than me, so you could tell me something about the future that awaits me :/

Thanks.

softwarefreak · Jul 28, 2011

Hey and welcome.

Honestly from me, you have to make what you can from life and the things you do. Only you know what you enjoy and what you do not, so simply find happiness in whatever makes you feel good.
Oh and from a continuing virgin.............why a hoooker?????????????

rosebud · Jul 28, 2011

I know what's on your mind. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. A lonely person can find happiness, even if he's meant to live his life in absolute solitude. If you want to change your situation you have to change yourself. If you can't, you should make peace and find ways for self-improvement. Don't give up on everything. There is always a chance that something may change. Most people say that life is short, but for a loner it's a whole different, longer journey. Hey, you have only one life, do the best you can with it. Being hurt by a person you have feelings for is always hard. Leave it behind and move on.

So, you can definitely find happiness as a loner. There are a lot of things to find your personal happiness in. Even if you give up on people, don't give up on yourself. You owe yourself that much.

grainofrice24 · Jul 28, 2011

Greetings!

I agree with rosebud, being alone doesn't HAVE to be horrible. Everybody needs time alone. But I find that the best happiness comes when you share it with others. It's just one of those facts of life.

I'm 24, so compared to you I'm an old man

, and I had a lot of growing up left to do when I was your age. There were times when I was convinced that life would only get worse. One day I realized that happiness comes to those who earn it. Nothing is given. It wont be easy, and you'll have to step out of your comfort zone more than a few times, but the rewards will be evident. Don't give up, if you do then you'll probably continue to be miserable and alone. You just need to realize that you hate being alone, and you'll find a way to get out of it.

VanillaCreme · Jul 28, 2011

They can expect what anyone else expects or wants.

justanotherloner · Jul 28, 2011

softwarefreak said:
Oh and from a continuing virgin.............why a hoooker?????????????

Hooker is the only woman that would sleep with me and I wanted to sleep with a woman, pretty simple

It's this or never have sex, so I just wanted to do it already and have it over with, it's not getting any easier with age. I had a lot of complexes about my virginity and I hated it. If you ask me I still am like a virgin, afterall I only had sex once and I payed for it, and the worst thing is that my best years of life are passing by and I wont enjoy them as I would like to, I could only pay again. Actually I hate women for how they are, but I'll stop now because I would get banned for the language I would use about them...

To rosebud and grainofrice.

I know that my life isnt so awfull. What I mean is that I have my arms, I have my legs, and I really saw someone without arms and I know he would call me a sissy for being sad about myself... I have money if I want something stupid, I'm not starving to death... I know that some people really have problems, Im just a kid that sits in his room and complains that he's lonely, I really undearstand that. But I still sometimes cry at night and still can't figure out what such an empty life full of sadness is worth? I know what you guys are telling me "find the things that make you happy" I thought about it long time ago and it just isnt the real thing now is it? I mean, I will always know and feel that I wish I could just be with someone. Can you really live like this and get used to it? Guess I'll find out in next 20 years huh?

And it's not that I give up, I really tried very intense, I went to parties, to clubs, I drank a lot with people, I hit on girls, I did it all when my studies began and what am I left with after 2 years of trying hard? With a girl who told me out of the blue that she found someone else, just like that... Even tho we were meeting for like 3 months? *****... And something even better, thats what I get after trying for months, but my friend I met on studies just gets blow jobs from random girls in clubs, and he has sex over here, sex over there, I get nothing. So since I hate women for how they are and cant be happy without one, Im simply asking, what the hell will make me happy and can I REALLY be happy in my whole life?

Sorry that its such a speech and I might write a wit wrong or weird, english isnt my first language.

blackbeard · Jul 28, 2011

You'll never be happy if you constantly put yourself down. If you want something, go out and get it.

Cerberus · Jul 28, 2011

I want to get back to this 'I hate women' stuff.

Fvantom · Jul 28, 2011

Im gonna be honest with you, the way I see it, you have two choices, be lonely and sad for the rest of your life, or change yourself and get out there, make friends, and be happy, its never too late, especially since youre still young. Its never easy to change but if you realize that your life is going nowhere, its what you have to do.

Why are you lonely by the way? Is talking to new people a weak point for you? (thats how it is for me) or is there another reason? Whatever it is, youre in control of it and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can begin to fix everything.

robot · Jul 28, 2011

justanotherloner said:
Hooker is the only woman that would sleep with me and I wanted to sleep with a woman, pretty simple It's this or never have sex, so I just wanted to do it already and have it over with, it's not getting any easier with age. I had a lot of complexes about my virginity and I hated it. If you ask me I still am like a virgin, afterall I only had sex once and I payed for it, and the worst thing is that my best years of life are passing by and I wont enjoy them as I would like to, I could only pay again. Actually I hate women for how they are, but I'll stop now because I would get banned for the language I would use about them...

To rosebud and grainofrice.

I know that my life isnt so awfull. What I mean is that I have my arms, I have my legs, and I really saw someone without arms and I know he would call me a sissy for being sad about myself... I have money if I want something stupid, I'm not starving to death... I know that some people really have problems, Im just a kid that sits in his room and complains that he's lonely, I really undearstand that. But I still sometimes cry at night and still can't figure out what such an empty life full of sadness is worth? I know what you guys are telling me "find the things that make you happy" I thought about it long time ago and it just isnt the real thing now is it? I mean, I will always know and feel that I wish I could just be with someone. Can you really live like this and get used to it? Guess I'll find out in next 20 years huh?

And it's not that I give up, I really tried very intense, I went to parties, to clubs, I drank a lot with people, I hit on girls, I did it all when my studies began and what am I left with after 2 years of trying hard? With a girl who told me out of the blue that she found someone else, just like that... Even tho we were meeting for like 3 months? *****... And something even better, thats what I get after trying for months, but my friend I met on studies just gets blow jobs from random girls in clubs, and he has sex over here, sex over there, I get nothing. So since I hate women for how they are and cant be happy without one, Im simply asking, what the hell will make me happy and can I REALLY be happy in my whole life?

Sorry that its such a speech and I might write a wit wrong or weird, english isnt my first language.

Sorry hear you have that anger/hatred towards women. Takes a lot of energy, really. Too much.

Your problems may not be comparable to another person's challenges -- but you are the one dealing with the cards you've been dealt, not them or anyone else. I think it is admirable you do realize others have heavy burdens to bare.

You should be proud that you've put yourself out there. It takes courage, but you have to always remember there will be risks involved... If you get rejected, you can always chalk it up to gaining more experience. It hurts, yes. But it's still good practice, and with practice comes confidence.

However, drunken guys hitting on you? Creepy and unflattering (to me anyway). Unless the girl is drunk, too. But, then you're just an aimless drunk mingling with other aimless drunk girls that may not (or pretend not to) remember you the next day.

Can't help but wonder what you are really after here. Are you searching for a genuine relationship or casual flings? If looking for a genuine relationship, I do not see why you would envy your friend. Your friend... I would lose interest in immediately after knowing he flitted from girl to girl like that. There's an STD-piñata waiting to explode in that mess. No thanks.

justanotherloner · Jul 28, 2011

Fvantom said:
Im gonna be honest with you, the way I see it, you have two choices, be lonely and sad for the rest of your life, or change yourself and get out there...

Thank you for the answer. I will be lonely and sad for the rest of my life, because I won't change, I already tried and it only shown me that it's impossible. I won't kill myslef so guess there's a long journey ahead of me...

Fvantom said:
Why are you lonely by the way? Is talking to new people a weak point for you? (thats how it is for me) or is there another reason?

Yes, talking to new people isn't easy for me, it costs me a lot of effort. Also I feel like Im different than everyone else, not so easy for me to find a subject with someone... And if it's about girls, Im very poor in flirting and women just aren't interested in me, maybe Im ugly too, I don't know. There may be many other reasons, but not like I know them.

jean-vic · Jul 28, 2011

justanotherloner said:
Thank you for the answer. I will be lonely and sad for the rest of my life, because I won't change, I already tried and it only shown me that it's impossible.

There's your problem right there. You need to be willing to make an effort yourself. You need to be willing to look inside of yourself and go on a journey of self discovery. You need to search for anything that would turn people off and make a change. We all have to do it. It's about being humble enough to admit you're flawed and need to have a soul colonic. That's step 1.

justanotherloner · Jul 28, 2011

robot said:
Can't help but wonder what you are really after here. Are you searching for a genuine relationship or casual flings? If looking for a genuine relationship, I do not see why you would envy your friend. Your friend... I would lose interest in immediately after knowing he flitted from girl to girl like that. There's an STD-piñata waiting to explode in that mess. No thanks.

At first it was all about loosing my virginity, because I felt awfull being a virgin when others had sex adventures... Now I guess I would just be happy for not being alone.

About my friend, we really hang out together a lot, but not anymore, he told me he got tired of my complaining. but it's hard not to when you see that some get everything and some nothing. He actually is with a girl that I guess loves him, but he cheats on her all the time, and it's very easy because girls literally blow him because they want to, he doesnt have to try much. You see that's the reason I hate them - they actually love men like him, every girl wants to fresia with him, they PICK a guy like him themselves, but for example if that girl that he is cheating on would find out, she would cry and ask why it happened to her and stuff like that, well she picked him didnt she...?

jean-vic said:
There's your problem right there. You need to be willing to make an effort yourself.

But I did, recieved nothing instead

All I have in my mind now after all this is: I get it, Im not liked or wanted by others, Im like a fat chick on a party... I just asked if it's possible to be happy as one. I think I got the answer, no.

jean-vic · Jul 28, 2011

justanotherloner said:
jean-vic said:

There's your problem right there. You need to be willing to make an effort yourself.

Click to expand...

But I did, recieved nothing instead All I have in my mind now after all this is: I get it, Im not liked or wanted by others, Im like a fat chick on a party... I just asked if it's possible to be happy as one. I think I got the answer, no.

What exactly did you change?

And of course you can be happy alone. People who are happy alone are people who are perfectly happy in themselves. Not many find such inner-peace, but it is possible. Thing is, you don't want to be alone and will always strive for human company. Therefore, you can't be happy alone. The answer? Don't stop trying. Keep following that yellow brick road until you find Oz. (The one with the Wizard, not the men molesting each other in the showers - if that difference even exists.)

justanotherloner · Jul 28, 2011

jean-vic said:
What exactly did you change?

I picked an university in another city, so I moved to a totally new place to me, with no people I would know there, without my console that I spend a lot of time playing video games, without my parents living with me. Just me, new places and people. Where I am after 2 years? The same place I was before, just with few new experiences, still mostly I wanted to cry when I came back home all alone again, after spending a night in a place with awfull music and which I didnt even like to be in.

robot · Jul 28, 2011

justanotherloner said:
About my friend, we really hang out together a lot, but not anymore, he told me he got tired of my complaining. but it's hard not to when you see that some get everything and some nothing. He actually is with a girl that I guess loves him, but he cheats on her all the time, and it's very easy because girls literally blow him because they want to, he doesnt have to try much. You see that's the reason I hate them - they actually love men like him, every girl wants to fresia with him, they PICK a guy like him themselves, but for example if that girl that he is cheating on would find out, she would cry and ask why it happened to her and stuff like that, well she picked him didnt she...?

Eh, I assume you only knew what was going on behind the scenes because you were his friend. Doesn't mean the girl knew he was cheating on her. Not to say girls don't make some stupid decisions when it comes to picking guys, but the same can be said for guys as well.

And the girls throwing themselves at him... You really want to have those kind of girls chasing after you? If they are so quick to give it up, I wouldn't doubt they've been around the block a few times. Again, STD mess waiting to happen.

Guys put more pressure on other guys to lose their virginity, than girls do, IMO. It's sad.

jean-vic · Jul 28, 2011

justanotherloner said:
jean-vic said:

What exactly did you change?

Click to expand...

I picked an university in another city, so I moved to a totally new place to me, with no people I would know there, without my console that I spend a lot of time playing video games, without my parents living with me. Just me, new places and people. Where I am after 2 years? The same place I was before, just with few new experiences, still mostly I wanted to cry when I came back home all alone again, after spending a night in a place with awfull music and which I didnt even like to be in.

You misunderstand me. Fair enough, you've moved city and done what a lot of students do every year. Fair play. I know it's difficult. Student myself. But, I'm talking about core, fundamental changes to who you are, how you behave. Let me give you an example. I used to sit alone all the time, ignore invitations to socialise, avoid people. When loneliness became too much, I changed. I started accepting invitations to socialise. I made my own invitations. I started talking to people at work and University. I made changes. Can you say that you have changed anything about yourself that would make people want to spend time with you, or are you acting the same, just in a different place?

condemnedsoul666 · Jul 28, 2011

All I 'expect' is to be given the chance to stop being a loner, when i'm ready.

SophiaGrace · Jul 28, 2011

If a guy told me he was a virgin because he was waiting for the right girl, i'd love that. It would tell me he was a good person not looking to manipulate me into sex (which so many guys seem intent on doing because 'hey man I gotta get laid or I'm a homo!').

I'd cherish him. Virginity =/= social failure

No, it doesn't have to mean that to you. Stop seeing it like that!

IgnoredOne · Jul 29, 2011

justanotherloner said:
I picked an university in another city, so I moved to a totally new place to me, with no people I would know there, without my console that I spend a lot of time playing video games, without my parents living with me. Just me, new places and people. Where I am after 2 years? The same place I was before, just with few new experiences, still mostly I wanted to cry when I came back home all alone again, after spending a night in a place with awfull music and which I didnt even like to be in.

Its not difficult to be happy 'alone' if you have a purpose(and people often become that purpose, which is like company is associated with happiness). You won't be happy without purpose, though, regardless of the number of friends or lovers you have, as you currently are.

Do you have a job? What do you count as your accomplishments so far?

What can a loner expect from life?

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