I don't deserve hope

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grainofrice24

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No matter how hard life can get or how bad things get I always think that there is still hope. I think that's wrong. It gives me a reason to think I can fresia up again...because there is always hope. Hope is a dangerous thing.

I have a new better job but I work 11 hour shifts at the office and come home and work on stuff and I can barely keep my head above water. I can't think straight or get a good nights sleep. My head is about to ******* explode. I go out with friends and am just awkward and I hate myself for it. I don't deserve hope. My mistakes are unforgivable. I go out on dates and fresia them up. I can't be honest with people because I'm too self conscious.

Life is a mountain. Some people climb fast, others slow, some make lateral movements, some people find a plateau they can survive on and just make that their home. But me...I climb okay, I just make one bad move and I fall all the way back to the bottom. It's a long and painful fall. And when I get to the bottom I just have to pick myself up all broken boned and look up and see how tall the mountain is. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is seeing that stupid ******* familiar as hell bottom of the
Mountain.

What's the solution? I thought infigured it out. It's having someone who will climb the mountain with you. Someone who will catch you when you are about to fall. Someone who won't let you go when you're hanging on for dear life. Only problem is no woman is interested in someone who can't hold their own footing.
 
can't let it be about women

can't

let you

do that

star fox
 
Heres anotherr way to look at it.....

HOPE is a subtle delusion that keeps
you in a state or trillmill of wanting.
It becomes a behavior pattern.
Thats why even when you get whatever it is that you want...
youre addicted to HOPE...
so youll either fresia what you achiveed up or is still discontent.
Becuase HOPE is being in a state of LACK.

Makesense?..
.
Gradtitude is a state of
HAVING or already arrived.
Thats why people that have get more and more.
They are in a constant state Having or BEING HAPPY.

This process is the same as Being Lonely.
You get into a state of lonliness.
It becomes habitual or a sort of addiction.
You become comfortiable with it....

You can use this process to work for you or against you.

its the same as hate begates hate
Love creates more love...
Happiness creates more happiness.

Common sense tells me I would rather be in a state of HAVING and Happiness.
Outside circumstance will manifiest itself overtime...
Changes takes place from within then expands itself outward

Its not a phenomenon. Its just how thing works.
Universal law.

You notice happy people are ...well off in all aspects of thier lives?
Firendships, relationships. Welalth..Happiness...etc..etc.

Notice how people dont wanna hang around sad miserable people for too long?
honeysuckle...notice even sometimes sad miserable people push other people away.
They keep themselve in a cycle of sadness and misery..becuase its a sort of addiction, habits or life style.
Sad and misable people *****, complain and whine...etc..etc. Its all part of the payoff or addiction or getting their fix...
So they draw or create negative circumstance to them...

Well....if negative honeysuckle cAn happen... Why not positive?
It's still the same process.
Its neutural.....Use it to work for you instead of against you.

You can uise differnt words to lable it...
such as chornic....

I rather be chornically Happy and having
It can be about anytrhing...women, relationships, Wealth..etc.

To get you out of a pattern thats going againts you.....
Simply allow yourself to FEEL those feelings of happiness and HAVING ANYTHING and EVERYTHING YOU WANT FROM LIFE.
LIKE YOU ALREADY ARRIVED..YOURE IN HEAVEN ALREADY. YOU ALREADY HAVE IT.

You already have all those happy good feelings inside of you already...outside circumstance just trigger those feelings.
You dont have to wait for people, places and things to trigger those feelings...If you do, you can wait forever...

Whats happening is....you're automatically triggering those feelings of lack by yourself already.
You're on a sort of autopilot or under a hypnotic state.
You simply just gatta snap yourself out of it...The religion version of this is,...to be reborn again.
Kind of like the walking dead or JC healed a blinde man. He simply snap him out of his hypnotic state of delusion or darkness. Awaken him.

It's more simple than you think..You only need to be awear of whats actaully happening.
Take the time to get you know yourself...how your mind works.

DO it Onday at a time or even an hour at a time..
Then observe how outside circumstance will simply just fall into place.

such as chicks asking me out or just landing on my lap.

Faith is about reprogramming your mind with new positive thoughts and feelings...
becuase a habit isnt so easy to break and your mind will want to go back to old behavior patterns.
As you change you will feel discomfort or go through a withdraw stage...But you persever through faith and trust in the process.
Over time your new ideas and beliefs will be comfortiable to you.
Or you'll bascailly be on autopilot of having and being happy.

Some people say it takes 21 days to develope a hABIT.
Some people also say...every cells in our body gets relaced in 9 months
So...you're reconditioning you Centrol Nerve System and your cells.
The cells in our body clones itself as it reproduces new cells.
So changes arnt going to happen over nite...but if you persist on reprograming yourself with positive cells
over time your become positive as a person as a whole...therefore your life wil change.
Thats why it's call CHANGE
Thats why you have all these principles...such as: courage to change, faith, perseverance, persistence, let go..etc..etc

We live in accordance to our beliefs...it has nothing to do with religion.


Errr...the person that's going to catch you when you fall is YOU.
YOU PICK YOURSELF BACK UP AND STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET.
BE YOUR OWN GUIDING LIGHT. BE YOUR OWN MOTIVATOR. BE YOUR OWN LIFE COACH....self supporting at the core of your being.
You live with yourself 24/7...you can call unon yourself...anytime and anywhere you go.
Since we live with ourselves 24/7 and at all moments...commons sence would tell me ...to love myself. To be good to myself...
Its not that complicate.....
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. YOU HAVE THE POWER INSIDE OF YOU ALREADY.....WAKE UP!!!!!!
Positive stuff ...dude

Its more simple and easy than you think...
I have an MP3 player....most of us have cell phones or Ipods...etc...etc.
I made a recording of my own vioce with positive affirmations or positive saying.
I play it a couple of hours p day or even during my sleep on top of having a good internal dialog with myself already...positive self talk.
Feeding my brain with positive food with the recordings of myself....automaticALLY with out much effort at all.
I simply just had to take positive actions of making those recording of myself. It was really really easy for me.LOL
When challenges comes up....those positive saying or thoughts crosses my mind now or they simply pop into my head out of nowhere.
Well...those chellenges or whatever,are really easy for me. Such as getting chicks are really easy for me.
I CAN, I WILL and I DO GET CHICKS ALL THE TIME :p
LIFE IS EASY FOR ME.....
It's kind of like you'll hear a song in your head that you cant get out of your head sometimes.
I'm using this process to work for me.....



Let me tell ya...it's a whole hell better than letting other people rant space in my head with negative honeysuckle and running with it.
 
1st off. Stop being so Goddamn hard on yourself! You deserve hope you deserve respect and have the right to be happy. If you don't stop being so hard on yourself, you will eventually lose what self respect you have, however little.

It takes courage to post such a sensitive subject. Even on this forum which is dedicated to helping others. You climb that symbolic mountain until you reach the peak or until your hands fall off.

I'm not a psychotherapist, but from your words, it seems to me that you have wicked low self esteem. Start getting into things that build up your self respect and confidence. I recommend martial arts. It's a powerful vehicle. It will make you more confident in yourself. It will whip you into shape. You will feel safer walking down the street at 3 in the morning. Martial artists deserve every bit of respect that comes their way.(the good ones, not the tough guy pricks who quit 5 classes in when they realize that they are surrounded by people who could kick their ass from here to Katmandu.

If you keep going on the way you are, then you will never gain respect from people as much as those who are confident in their being. I'm not trying to sound like a prick, but you need to say fresia all that and focus on yourself for the time being. Once you see the results, others will respect you.

Don't you dare give up on yourself.

Godspeed.
LoneKiller
 
maybe you`re trying to climb the wrong mountain.
or maybe you need better equipment or climbing skills.

were suppost to fresia up , thats how you learn.
if you learn from your mistakes there is hope, thats a good thing isnt it ?

 
Of course you deserve hope! Everyone does. As long as you're alive, it's never too late to make another attempt, and another, and another ... I've been trying to lose weight for 16 years, and I'm still trying. That's a lot of years spent on countless failures. Sure, I've felt like giving up, and occasionally I did, but then I picked myself back up and rejoined the gym. The trick is to try one thing, realize that it doesn't work for you, and then try something else.

Hang in there, dude. And hold on to your hope. It's your most important asset.
 
Primarily, absolutely nobody has proper footing. Everyone messes up.

Yet there is always hope. You decide what kind of hope you have: Positive hope or negative hope.

"Aw hell, another date, well, another chance for me to mess up!"

Or

"Aw sweet, another date, well, another chance for me to improve!"


Your self confidence and self-esteem determine a lot... Try to change the way you think about yourself.

Lonesome Crow and LoneKiller had the gist of it.
 

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