jealousy hurts

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lonelyboy291

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leicester,uk
Now uni is starting again, im again making the change from spending my holidays completly isolated to living around others. And it hurts to see everything I dont have, like love, people kissing. Its not the kind of feeling that just makes me wishing I had that too; it really hurts to see it and it brings me face to face with my loneliness. i could be having a reasonably happy day, perhaps spending the day reading a book or going to the gym. but as soon as I see 2 lovers together lying on the grass in the sun it just will just shatter whatever happiness i was feeling. And so the day will end with me crying inside, because i just dont know how to go on when everything around me hurts me. does anyone else feel so jealous of others it hurts
 
The key to contentment is not being all bent out of shape over what you don't have but appreciating what you do have. Don't read more into anything you see than what you see. The couple you see kissing today could be at each other's throats tomorrow. The sweet car parked at the curb could be a piece of honeysuckle inside. Being lonely is bad enough without making it far worse by being jealous of others or slipping into a pity party of what I don't have. Unless your dead or locked up there are options to move forward. Focus on them rather than what other people have.
 
Hi...

It sounds as though you're talking about envy, rather than jealousy and, frankly, I'd agree (in a sense) that both of them are like really deep, not quite physical pains, to experience.

But, there are times when I'd choose some physical pain to have to live with, than the envy or jealousy that I feel when I see so many people have what I want, and so many others taking for granted, at times, what I desperately need.

Ian.
 
It hurts, you're right about that....

I'm jealous too, very jealous. I want that beautiful very special connection with someone. I want to feel very very very precious, that I'm important to someone, I need love!

But everyone needs love... It's very normal. And I think that you should let people be happy together, maybe luck favors you too, someday!

Never can know what future can bring... Don't lose your hope.
 
Stop dreaming about being one of them and start being one of them.

Works all the time! :D
 
It doesn't really help to be jealous of anything. Being that way doesn't mean you will definitely get it. Besides, you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Sure, that couple might look like they're walking on cloud nine, but they could have argued with each other before leaving their house. Don't just assume they have what you want, because you don't know what others really have.
 
Gradtitude is the opposite of EVNY.

First and formost dont beat yourself up for having these feelings of envy or jealousy
becuase if you do...it'll simply eat at your self esteem or what little you have already.
Everyone feels envy, jeaousy, fears, anger, hatred, insecurities...etc

If you understrand this or know this..then people are just humans and not better
than you. If poeple arnt better than..then your self esteem won't be low.

Your getting into the same trap most people get into....
Competing and comparing...fucks up most people's self esteem.

If you look at what others have and what you dont have...it's a receitpy for misseries.

To reverse the cycle or change this type of mentallity or attitude.
Make a gradtitude list of things you already have.

Positive begates positives.
Negative begates more negatives.

The more you have the more you will receive.

Our minds are neutrual...it dosnt distinguish between good or bad...
it'll simply spit out whatever you feed it. it's like a computer.
Computers dosnt make mistakes...Our mind dosnt makes mistakes.
The mistake or error is in the programming.

I was going through this not too long ago.
I already have the answers..Knowelge is not enough.
I must put my knowelge into actions or get proactive.

As corny as it might sound..
I made a simple gradtitiude list

Im grateful Renae and i have a loving relationship.
Im grateful i have a loving relationship with my duaghter.
I'm grateful I have money.
I'm grateful i can see, walk, run, jump and is in good healthy.
I'm grateful i have a truck to drive.
Im grateful for deliouse meal everyday.
I'm grateful i have friends and family that loves me and cares for me.
I'm grateful I have laptops, mp3 players and all the gadgets.
Im grateful i can play my guiltar...

Renae and i got into a major fight last week.
I over racted to my jealousy.
I said many hurtful and hateful things to her.
I regretted it only afterwards and it would take a mirracle for her to even speak to me again.

My sponsor asked me to make a gratitude list. As hard as it was for me becuase
I felt my life was a terrible mess. Yes id see family out and about.. i didnt have those things.

Renae called me at first to tell me..she wasnt going to talk to me again ever becuase
she shouldnt be treated that way. I had to admmit I was wrong.
Even then she told me...that i knew better and it didnt matter if i admitted it or not.

Anyway Renae loves me very very much. im grateful for her love.
I'm grateful she still calls me and talk to me.
I'm grateful for our relationship.
She told me she loves me very, very much and she misses me...today.
I'm grateful...
 
lonelyboy291 said:
Now uni is starting again, im again making the change from spending my holidays completly isolated to living around others. And it hurts to see everything I dont have, like love, people kissing. Its not the kind of feeling that just makes me wishing I had that too; it really hurts to see it and it brings me face to face with my loneliness. i could be having a reasonably happy day, perhaps spending the day reading a book or going to the gym. but as soon as I see 2 lovers together lying on the grass in the sun it just will just shatter whatever happiness i was feeling. And so the day will end with me crying inside, because i just dont know how to go on when everything around me hurts me. does anyone else feel so jealous of others it hurts

I know how you feel. Im guessing as your at uni you are quite young. Trust me ACT NOW to change your situation while you are still young else you will face a live of isolation and declining mental health.
 
Ak5 said:
Stop dreaming about being one of them and start being one of them.

Works all the time! :D

Sure it does, that's why the world is so rich and everybody is half of a happy couple!
 
VanillaCreme said:
It doesn't really help to be jealous of anything. Being that way doesn't mean you will definitely get it. Besides, you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Sure, that couple might look like they're walking on cloud nine, but they could have argued with each other before leaving their house. Don't just assume they have what you want, because you don't know what others really have.

of course relationships turn bad at times, and im not saying that all relationships are perfect. but to a guy who has never had a relationship (and wants/needs one so badly) its all seems the same. love,sex,breaking up, making up, arguing with each other, whatever its all the same of some world I want to be in so bad. i feel just as envious of the bad parts as the good ones. getting hurt from a breakup/fight would be a hundred times better than how it hurts to want that first kiss/night. sigh....

cumulus.james said:
I know how you feel. Im guessing as your at uni you are quite young. Trust me ACT NOW to change your situation while you are still young else you will face a live of isolation and declining mental health.

a life of isolation and declining mental health? right now I dont think my mental health could decline much more... i was thinking yesterday that today would be my last night, as has happened many times before. but im here again alone wishing i had someone to hold. either im going to have to get a gf soon (haha that would be a mircale) or im going to collapse emotionally and end up trying to kill myself again...
i feel so fcking confused why I have to be born a guy who feels so alienated from girls, just doesnt seem fair
 
yea i also understand how you feel. I can remember having that feeling for me it was like a real sinking feeling. I think alot of whats been said by other members is true but one thing i would like to add is that for it was about seeing a couple and wanting to experience what they have. I did not want to go througt life not experincing being connected with someone. As someone said your still young. IN life things happen when you least expect it too, trust me. please dont get too down about it. Your welcome to message me cus your experience feels simular to mine.

lonelyboy291 said:
Now uni is starting again, im again making the change from spending my holidays completly isolated to living around others. And it hurts to see everything I dont have, like love, people kissing. Its not the kind of feeling that just makes me wishing I had that too; it really hurts to see it and it brings me face to face with my loneliness. i could be having a reasonably happy day, perhaps spending the day reading a book or going to the gym. but as soon as I see 2 lovers together lying on the grass in the sun it just will just shatter whatever happiness i was feeling. And so the day will end with me crying inside, because i just dont know how to go on when everything around me hurts me. does anyone else feel so jealous of others it hurts

yea i also understand how you feel. I can remember having that feeling for me it was like a real sinking feeling. I think alot of whats been said by other members is true but one thing i would like to add is that for me it was about seeing a couple and wanting to experience what they have. I did not want to go througt life not experincing being connected with someone. As someone said your still young. IN life things happen when you least expect it too, trust me. please dont get too down about it. Your welcome to message me cus your experience feels simular to mine.

 
Somewhere along the line..you're going to relize to stop DWelling or focusing on those
negative thoughts and feelings. It's a cycle that'll feed on itself andd will lead you into
a deeper depression. When I isolated myself..that's bascailly what happened to me too...
Even though I wasnt like that before. It can happen to anyone.
The more you think and talk about those negative thoughts and feelings that more
you'll stay in the rut...but the rut is like quicksand.
Dwell on these postive feelings and thoughts through out your day...

Yes women come on to me...it's far and few in bertween that they'll knock on my door.
And the only reason why they would knock on my door is becuase they saw me out
and about...OUTSIDE in the first place.

You must break the cycle..even if it's taking baby steps
Or you can just jump right in..or trun on the light with a flick of a switch.
No matter how long it was dark...Light over comes darkness in an instent moment.


Believe and act as if you already have a GF....Notice how those thoughts trigger
positive feelings in you....In time you'll start drawing positive things to you...

Spark that flame from withit....women will be drawn to you becuase of that positive vibe
you put out.

yeah...simple things such as holding my head up high
and walking around like Im the honeysuckle.
Then just talking to different chicks..etc..etc

I've gone out with all kinds of women since I snap out of my funk.
I also had all kinds of sexual encounters that some women dosnt aprrovel of...
Right, wrong or indifference...I wasnt isolating and stairing at the 4 walls going crazy.

Im just at a stage of my life...that i know exactly what I want and who
that woman is. She's the love of my life.
Never the less...i still must remain positive through all of this.
It was all of that postive energy I had to begin with that drew her to me to begin with.

Renae and i can ditch out all of our fresia ups and all the negative honeysuckle we've done.
The list is long and we can Dwell on that honeysuckle until the end of time..it's not going to bring us any closer
to what we both truely wants,
All that's going to do is tear our love apart. Thats what always drove us apart...the negative honeysuckle.

We both chose to focus on positive things today and bounce off of each other.
Its drawing us closer and closer each day.

Notice i say bounce off of each other..not lose ourselves in each other.
Renae and I both knows we both must be self supporting mentally ,emotionally and spiritually.
We know this now..or she's coming around to realize that. We're on the same wave link.
We're being supportive to each other...just like how we were when we are younger.
We intuitively knew that already. Thats why I ve always loved her.
 
lonelyboy291 said:
Now uni is starting again, im again making the change from spending my holidays completly isolated to living around others. And it hurts to see everything I dont have, like love, people kissing. Its not the kind of feeling that just makes me wishing I had that too; it really hurts to see it and it brings me face to face with my loneliness. i could be having a reasonably happy day, perhaps spending the day reading a book or going to the gym. but as soon as I see 2 lovers together lying on the grass in the sun it just will just shatter whatever happiness i was feeling. And so the day will end with me crying inside, because i just dont know how to go on when everything around me hurts me. does anyone else feel so jealous of others it hurts

With a bit of effort, you can also have those things. I can sympathize, too, but do remember that it doesn't exclude you from getting a girlfriend or finding love - you just need to find out what works for you.

tedgresham said:
Sure it does, that's why the world is so rich and everybody is half of a happy couple!

Most of the time - there are always those who refuse to put in the effort. As I always say, the universe demands sacrifice. Not everyone is willing to sacrifice that which is needed to bring their goals to fruition. They have no one to blame but themselves.

 
I'm sorry to hear that.

If this situation is bad enough to bring you to tears, then you must be one hurtin' unit. Myself, I like being single. Don't believe everything you see. Those couples could be incestuous for all you know. These days I wouldn't rule anything out. People are gay, people are bi, happy marriage, bad marriage,fresia buddies, finding the neighbor's dog sexually attractive, it's 2011! Anything goes.
 
lonelyboy291 said:
Now uni is starting again, im again making the change from spending my holidays completly isolated to living around others. And it hurts to see everything I dont have, like love, people kissing. Its not the kind of feeling that just makes me wishing I had that too; it really hurts to see it and it brings me face to face with my loneliness. i could be having a reasonably happy day, perhaps spending the day reading a book or going to the gym. but as soon as I see 2 lovers together lying on the grass in the sun it just will just shatter whatever happiness i was feeling. And so the day will end with me crying inside, because i just dont know how to go on when everything around me hurts me. does anyone else feel so jealous of others it hurts

Exactly the same here mate.

I'll be back at Uni next week. If I'm really lucky I will have miraculously grown the confidence needed to ask the girl I really like out.

More than likely, that won't happen and I'll be in exactly the same boat, just watching people kissing, hugging, talking from a distance for the whole academic year. It's like a knife in the heart sometimes. Maybe this year I'll even get to watch her go out with someone else? :rolleyes:

I think the weird thing is, once you've had a relationship you don't really understand the situation in the same way.

Because, like you, I never have it's exactly how you said - like I'm observing a totally different universe, where I have no place. It's not "just" a relationship I'm witnessing, it's something I've never had and seemingly will never have. A door open for others and not for me.

It's not conventional jealousy like "I wish I could buy the car that guy has", it's more like "I wish it was actually possible for me to partake in that on any level", which I think is less like "envy" and more like the feeling you get when everyone leaves you out for a group activity.

I'd actually be happy to experience everything from a relationship, including the arguments, break ups, bitterness...because that would all hurt less than what I feel now, which is just an empty, isolated void of emotion at times.

I will also admit that I'm borderline tearful about this stuff sometimes. I'll have a particularly bad evening for whatever reason (perhaps I just saw a super romantic movie, or I spent literally half my day watching couples snogging) and I will just sit silently for a while and feel like absolute honeysuckle.

When you have someone that's special for you in that way, I think that distance fades and you begin to subscribe to "dating" and the like. It becomes just a healthy part of life whether single or not.

Before that, though, there is this seemingly insurmountable barrier to break through for some people, regardless of their attractiveness or anything like that. Perhaps it's to do with confidence? I don't know.
 
lonelyboy291 said:
a life of isolation and declining mental health? right now I dont think my mental health could decline much more... i was thinking yesterday that today would be my last night, as has happened many times before. but im here again alone wishing i had someone to hold. either im going to have to get a gf soon (haha that would be a mircale) or im going to collapse emotionally and end up trying to kill myself again...
i feel so fcking confused why I have to be born a guy who feels so alienated from girls, just doesnt seem fair

Trust me, your mental health can get a LOT worse. You know a lot of what your feeling is pretty common, especially amongst uni people. I have experience of this. I helped a guy like you who said all the things you did a few years ago. he ended up popular with a successful career, owning several houses last I checked. Dumped me as soon as he got in with cooler people though the ****** (hope he falls further than he ever rose the prick).

But anyways I have heard this same story from several uni students before and since. Your not alienated from girls it sounds like you have low self esteem and low confidence. You just need to work on that. And it might be an idea to separate "love" and "Sex" in your mind, they are not always the same thing. At your age getting laid should be your priority. There is plenty of time to meet that special girl.
 

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