E
Equinox
Guest
Some may or may not know that I once had a very close friend. She was what one might call my "best friend"; I'd known of her for some years, but it wasn't until around 2006 we started really connecting and hanging out a lot. We had so much in common, and I felt like this was the girl with whom I could completely relate - we "got" each other, and were always there for each other. We were both very creative, especially in writing, and we created many great stories and characters together. I really thrived with her.
Then something changed during the late summer of 2009, and she gradually slipped away. She gradually spent less and less time with me, and more time with her boyfriend and their couple friends instead. Earlier I'd been used to talking to her every day, but suddenly I had to adjust to hardly ever talking to her at all. I felt cut out, left out, and tossed aside like some used, old toy, and it hurt like hell.
Because of this, I decided to accept a job offer in England, and moved there January 2010. I loved the city and country, but the job didn't really work out, so I moved back to Norway six months later, but not to the same city as before, where my friend lived. A big reason for this was her; I didn't want to live in the same city as her, as I knew I'd start feeling sad and rejected again when we wouldn't hang out like before. Instead I moved to the capital city, and have tried to start a new life with new friends here. It's been hard, and it really bugs me that I still think about her so much.
I started unfollowing her facebook and twitter updates, just to make some distance. It's helped somewhat, though every now and then I can't help myself from having a peek at her profile to see what she's been up to lately. Also, sometimes, she'll comment on some of my own twitter and facebook updates, and this is where I get all confused. Her comments are friendly enough, but they're quite rare, and I just don't know what to make of them. I don't get why she's commenting at all, or why she's even following my updates at all, when she clearly doesn't care about our old friendship.
Purely by accident, I discovered that she's actually been visiting the capital city this weekend, hooking up with a lot of mutual friends. Earlier this week she commented on one of my updates, and then she completely snubs me when she's visiting the city where I now live. From my facebook stalking, I picked up that she apparently had some accommodation issues on Friday, and that she had a boring afternoon alone for some hours before travelling back home today. At any of those times, she could have contacted me, and I would have been happy to help. The fact that she didn't even tell me she was here, hurt a great deal, even though I haven't seen her now in ages, and more or less broken off all contact with her.
I miss her, but at the same time I despise her. I hate that she still holds this power over me, and that she can hurt my feelings so badly just by ignoring me. It also infuriates me that she apparently follows my updates and occasionally comments on them, when she clearly has no intention of being my friend anymore.
These conflicting emotions has been draining my energy for too long. I just want it to stop. How do I make it stop? How can I forget about her and just move on? Why did I let her turn me into this bitter, distrusting person?
Then something changed during the late summer of 2009, and she gradually slipped away. She gradually spent less and less time with me, and more time with her boyfriend and their couple friends instead. Earlier I'd been used to talking to her every day, but suddenly I had to adjust to hardly ever talking to her at all. I felt cut out, left out, and tossed aside like some used, old toy, and it hurt like hell.
Because of this, I decided to accept a job offer in England, and moved there January 2010. I loved the city and country, but the job didn't really work out, so I moved back to Norway six months later, but not to the same city as before, where my friend lived. A big reason for this was her; I didn't want to live in the same city as her, as I knew I'd start feeling sad and rejected again when we wouldn't hang out like before. Instead I moved to the capital city, and have tried to start a new life with new friends here. It's been hard, and it really bugs me that I still think about her so much.
I started unfollowing her facebook and twitter updates, just to make some distance. It's helped somewhat, though every now and then I can't help myself from having a peek at her profile to see what she's been up to lately. Also, sometimes, she'll comment on some of my own twitter and facebook updates, and this is where I get all confused. Her comments are friendly enough, but they're quite rare, and I just don't know what to make of them. I don't get why she's commenting at all, or why she's even following my updates at all, when she clearly doesn't care about our old friendship.
Purely by accident, I discovered that she's actually been visiting the capital city this weekend, hooking up with a lot of mutual friends. Earlier this week she commented on one of my updates, and then she completely snubs me when she's visiting the city where I now live. From my facebook stalking, I picked up that she apparently had some accommodation issues on Friday, and that she had a boring afternoon alone for some hours before travelling back home today. At any of those times, she could have contacted me, and I would have been happy to help. The fact that she didn't even tell me she was here, hurt a great deal, even though I haven't seen her now in ages, and more or less broken off all contact with her.
I miss her, but at the same time I despise her. I hate that she still holds this power over me, and that she can hurt my feelings so badly just by ignoring me. It also infuriates me that she apparently follows my updates and occasionally comments on them, when she clearly has no intention of being my friend anymore.
These conflicting emotions has been draining my energy for too long. I just want it to stop. How do I make it stop? How can I forget about her and just move on? Why did I let her turn me into this bitter, distrusting person?