How to live / enjoy the life?

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Bodhi

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Hi.
So finally I got words and courage to write about one of my issues. All these days I was either confused how to describe the situation because this is a whole life long story. So complex. Lots of Issues.
So I decided to go one by one as I remember.
So here is the first issue i need to share.

I am a victim of childhood bullying mostly by school friends(?). friends is wrong word. the humans which were with me in my class. the previous sentence my insult the word 'humans'. but i have no choice. In my whole school life i suffered that bullying. It was not physicall. But emotional and mental toruture is thousand times horrible than physical becuase its scars remain for whole life and the pain can't be seen by others.
This resulted in zero self esteem, no self respect, scatterd mind, broken control of emotions and other issues.
This greatly affected my life as adult. Since I never got love, respect I never knew how to give love and respect to others.
There are other lots of things which I lost but to summairse my question now I am adult. I am mature. Now I can understand what go wrong. How I could have corrected it at that time. Now I want to live my life. Enjoy my life. But these scars of past - how to deal with them? Without any notice those memories come up and haunt me - and i want to take revange on those people. I want to hurt them. As they did to me. How should i avoid all these nevative feelings? How I get out of that childhood bullying? and especially the effects it caused to me? I am unable to live my normal life. I do not have a social life. I have individual friends but i faield to get in any 'group'. and whenever i start to think +ve, I came to the point that though now onwards my life can different but what to do about the important time of my life - that is moments in childhood which got destroyed due to this bullying?
I am not sure if i have conveyed the issue completely or what. But this is for now i can type.
Yes and the reason why I posted in this section is one of the effect is very high level of shyness. no self esteem. In my childhood there is no single moment i can enjoy. everything is like burnt wood. no mental peace. no one accepted me. i only got hate. no one ever appreciated me for anything. i was outcast.
 
I'm sorry about that. :(

When I was at school, they bullied me for 9 years, so I know what you are talking about. It has left very many hurtful scars, but I'm proud of them. I am much more stronger because of them. I thought before that I want to revenge, but now I think in different way. I don't let those bullies ''win''. I want to show that I am stronger than them. I don't want go to their ''level''.

Past is past. You can't do anything about it anymore. Try to live in this day, not in your past. It is lot of easier said than done, but it will be worth it. Live in the moment. Those bullies are very awful people, and they don't deserve your time. Forget them, at least try to. :)

I have a low self-esteem too and I thought negatively before, but it's like a never ending circle, which is hard to stop. Try, try and try, and you will success someday!
 
Thanks for sharing, you'll find quite a few of us here were victims of bullying.

You don't really get over it, you learn from it and grow. 18 years later (wow it's been that long...) I still think back on the bullying I received in high school, and yeah I still think how nice it would be to hurt them in a way. Teach them a lesson so they know what it feels like to put someone through what they put me through. But you can't. Yeah it broke you and repairing the damage is hard, almost impossible sometimes. I still live with the effects that the bullying did to me, but it doesn't stop me from living my life. As those bullies get older, and hopefully wiser they will realize what they did was wrong. One day you might even run into one that will stop you and apologize. When I went to College there was a guy in the same course and classes that used to pick on me. I didn't want to go, I didn't want him to bully me. But we got to know each other and became friends. We even hung out a few times and he apologized for the way he treated me in high school, and was going to tell his buddies that as well. Things won't always turn around that quickly but we were put into a situation that gave us that opportunity.

You either let it beat you down or rise above it. The revenge fantasies are fun, but that's all they can be, it really won't get you anywhere, it won't repair the damage. So you live with it. You live with it and try to fix yourself. Don't let them keep you down, lift up your head, throw your shoulders back and walk tall.
 
I was abused as a child and into my adulthood or I get into abusive relationships over and over again.
No the women I chose dont have pyscho stamp on thier forehaed....

Yes, ir effected me profoundly. My perception of life are coloure by deep emotional scars. Its really annoying to feel that pains that keeps poping up
or I get anxieties attacks for no reason.

Ive been using the Sedona Methode to help me let gp of those negative feelings or thoughts. Its helping but its not a cure

I aslo made a recording of positive messages of myself. I listen to that everyday...its helping me.
Its also helping me with my psotive self talk or internal dialog.

I also listen to Beyound Positive thinking. Its like having a good counselor on the go...It explains the nuts and bolts to me. Theres different chapters to this audio book.
Its had help me alot on my selfesteem.

My emotional scars is my biggest hinder. I still relaps a lot..especially
if a relationship is involved.

Im much better than I used to be..

.


I fulley awear of the bullies even on this sight...Im niot afriad to stand up to them or all them out in my own ways.
Im not playing thier victim today...
They can kiss my ass.....

Ive read too many book, spoke to too may people.. Conselor, monistors.
I know all the signs. All the stupid games and manipuilations. Blameshifting, scapgoat bull honeysuckle abusive pople do.

As an adult I must stand up for myself
and let the abusers no where I stand.
They might find another vicitm to manipulate..but it wont be me.
 
anyway...this is where I'm at. I guess it's progression from the Sedana Methdoe.

For the past couple of days I been consumed with lots and lots of emotional pains
and anxeity attacks. It felt like I was coming off of a bad acid trip. Very drainning.
I had a hard time sleeping and resting.

Then I had a brain fart.
I simply told myself I dont have PTSD. I told myself I wasnt hurted.
At first my mind wanted to go back into the memery bank to retreieve all the truamatic events
in my life so it can recreate all my pains again.

I didnt completely fully understand it yet....but my mind cant go back to something
that dosnt exist or all of those truamtic events in my life kind da dissolved.

After a day I remember a technique of Healing my mind or mind control.
You place 3 quarters on a table. Then you pick one up to remove it.
Its a simple exercise you do visaully.

Then you transfer it to your thoughts/mind or barriers in your life...such as PTSD.

Bascailly thats what I did without knowing it at first.
I simply removed those negative thoughts and feelings out of my mind or desolved it.
It dosnt exsist anymore. A lot of my deep emotional pains dosnt exist anymore.

I guess its another way of LETTING GO of my PAINS or past.

I'm feeling better

 
It's interesting to see how many people with little or no self esteem were bullied at school, and it makes a lot of sense. I was bullied for most of my school years, until I started high school, and that left scars. The bullying came in all shapes and forms; verbal, emotional and physical. It left me with few positive thoughts about myself, and I've always struggled with a feeling of being pointless and useless. To this day I still remember what I overheard the popular girl in class say about me to one of her friends, 14 years ago: "If I looked like that, I would hang myself".

Being the outcast sucks. Being bullied sucks. At least know you're not alone on this.
 
Lonesome Crow had some valid points and fitting advice for you. Nothing can take back what those people said or did to you. Getting revenge might feel good in the moment but it probably won't erase the emotional damage from you thinking about these memories over and over again and getting them ingrained in your mind. All you can do is change your thoughts and your perspective about it. You got into habits of negative thinking, you have to make habits of positive thinking. So make a list of some good things about yourself and also somethings that maybe the back of your mind tells you aren't true but you want to be true, and say those things over and over again, every day.
 
First you need to respect yourself friend. Second you need to like yourself. Third you need to go out and meet people. I would find an activity that you can share with others. If you guys share a common intersest. Then people are more open to giving you a chance.

In the end we have to entertain ourselves. If we don't then we are pretty much doomed. Before you can have fun, enjoy life, or love others. You have to do all that to youself.
 

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