Social Anxiety

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oopsiedoop

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Thank god there's a name for it, otherwise I'd think I was merely going crazy...I am anyway. I planned on going out tonight, but I don't feel like I can make it. This sucks! How am I supposed to make friends if I don't go out? But it's a vicious cycle because who likes to go out alone.
 
Social anxiety has been the bane of my life. I push away everyone who tries to initiate conversation with me, so there's no point in me going out alone. I'm possibly going to a museum tomorrow, but I'm dragging a friend with me. This usually doesn't happen, because most of the people I know aren't into the things I'm into; therefore, I'm often inside, being a hermit. The worst part is knowing that people actually do try to approach and talk to me, but my irrational fears make me push them away. I'm not Brad Pitt or anything, but I've been asked out by women on the subway and at my summer job and, sadly, those situations usually ended with me staring at them, terrified, and them taking it as a rejection and dropping it. What I really want, though, is a close friend with similar interests, but people at my college get the same treatment when they try to approach me. In the end, everyone thinks I want to be left alone. On the outside I'm saying, "Don't bother me," but inside I'm screaming for help.
 
No one ever approaches me. Rarely. I am always either bored or anxious. It might be difficult to deal with someone like that. I don't know. I never feel comfortable but I have a tendency to blame others for not trying hard enough. I feel like I do try.
 
On the rare occasion that I get asked to do something, I have to take a long time debating it with myself. Sometimes I can talk myself into doing it. Other times I go into hiding.

If there are women there, then it's likely I'll stay home.
If there is alcohol there, then it's very likely I will stay home.
If it's something happening near my house (within about 5 miles), then I will possibly go.
If there is a chance that there will be conversations there that i will find depressing, then I'll probably stay home.
If there is free food, then I will possibly go.

Just some of the things that race through my head.
 
Has anyone ever actually ran away when approached? I went to a local church recently and the vicar was in the entrance hall when I got there, and when he started to talk to me (I had hoped to slink in unnoticed and to sit at the back out of the way) I ran into the toilets to hide as I was so scared. I don't know what he must have thought was wrong with me.
 
No! If I'm ever approached I am SO extraverted! But if I approach others, I am always rejected. I mean, even women seem to not be able to wait to get away from me, or just have no interest in following up.
 
I think the problem is that people can sense that you are uncomfortable. This makes them uncomfortable which makes them not want to stick around. The only solution for this is to expand your comfort zone to include approaching others. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is...approaching others. It takes many many tries to expand your comfort zone to include new things.

How to find the courage to repeatedly do things you get anxiety from...I havn't found out yet.
 
I could do that if I thought it was really going to work, because I think it's wrong to shun people for no apparent reason. I always make an effort to include those who look uncomfortable - and let me tell you, a lot of times even that effort is rejected!
 
I don't have the answers, either. I have really bad social anxiety, and it's much easier for me to stay inside, on the computer, than go out and face the world.

But, of course, I will never socialize, form relationships, get a girlfriend, or any of those things if I don't go out! So it's basically a loss!

I wish I knew how to beat this, without getting panic attacks...but I honestly don't know. :(
 
Social Anxiety has turned me into a ninja. I used to enjoy going outside, I used to like socialising and being the life of an event but at some point I started getting this huge sense of nervousness, I’d feel people were looking at me, judging me or laughing at me. I’d find it hard to breathe, I’d get sweaty, stutter when I spoke, feel faint and just bolt the hell out of places.

No idea what caused it, I suspect it was because I was sick of turning up to places alone, entertaining others, then going home alone which made me feel like a failure of sorts and even though it’s a little more controllable now I still struggle in crowded places like supermarkets. I go in, get what I want then get the hell out, often reaching my home short of breath with relief. If I go for a run though a forest or park alone I’m fine, but hustle and bustle sends me into a right state.
 
That's exactly how I am. For me, I had too many traumatic experiences with people I thought were friends.
 
I feel everyone's pain here. Social anxiety is awful.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I don't have the answers, either. I have really bad social anxiety, and it's much easier for me to stay inside, on the computer, than go out and face the world.

But, of course, I will never socialize, form relationships, get a girlfriend, or any of those things if I don't go out! So it's basically a loss!

I wish I knew how to beat this, without getting panic attacks...but I honestly don't know. :(

Lost Drifter said:
Social Anxiety has turned me into a ninja. I used to enjoy going outside, I used to like socialising and being the life of an event but at some point I started getting this huge sense of nervousness, I’d feel people were looking at me, judging me or laughing at me. I’d find it hard to breathe, I’d get sweaty, stutter when I spoke, feel faint and just bolt the hell out of places.

No idea what caused it, I suspect it was because I was sick of turning up to places alone, entertaining others, then going home alone which made me feel like a failure of sorts and even though it’s a little more controllable now I still struggle in crowded places like supermarkets. I go in, get what I want then get the hell out, often reaching my home short of breath with relief. If I go for a run though a forest or park alone I’m fine, but hustle and bustle sends me into a right state.

I also get very paranoid sometimes. My anxiety stemmed from miserable years in high school. Although things are better now, I never got therapy or medication for it, so I still exhibit some symptoms. Also, even though I've come to prefer my own company most of the time, I don't like going places by myself because it makes me feel very awkward. I could just go to places where other people are alone as well, but those are the places where I get approached and make a complete fool of myself thanks to the anxiety. Some women think it's "sooo cute" and perceive it as nothing other than exaggerated shyness. After a while, however, the novelty wears off, they get impatient with my irrational fears and, finally, end up making themselves out to be the victims.

What I really dislike is when overly shy people diagnose themselves with S.A.D. It irks me because it undermines how serious it really is. Social anxiety is terrible and forces one to live a life of constant regret.
 
Oh yes, I hate it.

I'm not the type of person to go about in a huge crowd of people, I prefer a group, no more, no less.

I don't get nervous when in crowds of strangers, just nervous in crowds of people who have the potential to talk to me, or me to them.
 
I have mixed anxiety.. have a bit of it all,

I know how your feeling,

Message me if you want too
 
Tiina63 said:
Has anyone ever actually ran away when approached? I went to a local church recently and the vicar was in the entrance hall when I got there, and when he started to talk to me (I had hoped to slink in unnoticed and to sit at the back out of the way) I ran into the toilets to hide as I was so scared. I don't know what he must have thought was wrong with me.

I have done this a few times. Afterwards instead of feeling ashamed I try and laugh about it because it is funny, in a twisted kind of way. But usually I just end up feeling ashamed.
 
oopsiedoop said:
Thank god there's a name for it, otherwise I'd think I was merely going crazy...I am anyway. I planned on going out tonight, but I don't feel like I can make it. This sucks! How am I supposed to make friends if I don't go out? But it's a vicious cycle because who likes to go out alone.

Have you tried medications?

Klonopin helps me (I do not have social anxiety) but I get stressed out with anything new- I don't like change, or testing new waters.. so when a curve ball comes my way.. I get my meds out.. not everyday, but as needed.

But it is good for the anxiety too.
hugs(:)
 
Yeah I have Xanax but that just makes me feel better about not being able to go out. Tried Klonopin, did nothing at all for me.
 
It took me a year and a half (roughly) to work up the courage to ask for a meal at the student bar, which I only managed to do yesterday. If that's not ridiculous I don't know what is :shy:

The waitress kept looking over too (as did other customers) as if it was weird that I was sat on my own eating and working. I guess it was really, everyone else has their partners or friends with them...

My hearing problem doesn't help there though. I can't hear what the staff are saying when it's busy and noisy, so it puts me right off.
 

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