A therapist I was talking to about my online dating activities (among other things) asked me how much (in %) I wanted a boyfriend. ''Do you want it 50%? 80%?''. I thought and said that I wanted it about 10 to 20%. She said it was not enough to warrant going out and trying to date. And she is right. If you really want to date and have a relationship, you will need to want it sufficiently in order to put in the effort to go out and meet people who might become your partner.
I said I wanted it 10 to 20% because 1-I'm really busy right now and 2-I think of the times I come home, put my pj on, read, watch a movie or read in peace. I can eat what I want and if I have to work odd hours, I don't have to tell anybody. Everything from sleeping in to being messy is possible. The more you experience that kind of freedom, the more you want it. If you're comfortable being lonely, that is. Some people can't handle being lonely.
One of my friend says she doesn't believe in sparks, chemistry or falling in love. She was in an abusive relationship and now she has been with a good, stable guy for a few years. She never said she was in love with him and I never asked. She seems happy enough and the guy seems very good with her. Personally, to just be with some guy who is nice but whom I don't love, I could not consider it. I do believe in falling in love. I think you can fall in love later after learning to know someone or you can feel the sparks immediately. I'm open to that but it hasn't happened in some time now and nobody else has come forward either.
I remember the intensity of the passion when I met my late boyfriend. I remember his vivaciousness, his curiosity, his humour, his sexual energy. He liked my fantasy (I'm kind of whimsical), understood my humour and my interests (some of them we shared). I don't know that I can meet a person with that kind of connection ever again...Some people have told me: ''don't look for a clone of him''. It's not that! I'm not looking for a clone because I know he doesn't exist. Sometimes I see a man who looks like him, who has his hair or his body but him, entirely him, no. There is no clone of him and I'm not looking for one. But, I mean, the type of connection we had, the things we shared and his electrifying personality...I don't think I could find someone like him. Feeling like that kind of relationship happens only once in a lifetime, that it's scarce. I'm open to love another man but right now, I feel like nobody would strike me the way he had, many, many years ago.
I've learned to be alone and sometimes, feel lonely, but I feel happy most of the time. I also feel that it's hard to imagine love in the abstract, without being in love and without having a guy in mind. Who knows, I might meet this fantastic guy but I only hold the image of the last electrifying guy I was with and who is gone.
So, basically, I stopped considering dating but I haven't given up on love later on in life. Since I'm really busy now and for about another year or so, I'm considering activities and trips to do once I have more free time. Maybe those activities and trips will lead me to meet a man but maybe they won't. It could happen that I would be single for the rest of my life and it's ok although it's not what I would wish for myself. I personally know women who are single and they have a great life, others tried to be in a relationship and suffered a lot. Being in a relationship is not always what it's cracked up to be so, if I have to live my life alone, I will make the best of it. But it would be nice to fall in love again and be with someone eventually.
I said I wanted it 10 to 20% because 1-I'm really busy right now and 2-I think of the times I come home, put my pj on, read, watch a movie or read in peace. I can eat what I want and if I have to work odd hours, I don't have to tell anybody. Everything from sleeping in to being messy is possible. The more you experience that kind of freedom, the more you want it. If you're comfortable being lonely, that is. Some people can't handle being lonely.
One of my friend says she doesn't believe in sparks, chemistry or falling in love. She was in an abusive relationship and now she has been with a good, stable guy for a few years. She never said she was in love with him and I never asked. She seems happy enough and the guy seems very good with her. Personally, to just be with some guy who is nice but whom I don't love, I could not consider it. I do believe in falling in love. I think you can fall in love later after learning to know someone or you can feel the sparks immediately. I'm open to that but it hasn't happened in some time now and nobody else has come forward either.
I remember the intensity of the passion when I met my late boyfriend. I remember his vivaciousness, his curiosity, his humour, his sexual energy. He liked my fantasy (I'm kind of whimsical), understood my humour and my interests (some of them we shared). I don't know that I can meet a person with that kind of connection ever again...Some people have told me: ''don't look for a clone of him''. It's not that! I'm not looking for a clone because I know he doesn't exist. Sometimes I see a man who looks like him, who has his hair or his body but him, entirely him, no. There is no clone of him and I'm not looking for one. But, I mean, the type of connection we had, the things we shared and his electrifying personality...I don't think I could find someone like him. Feeling like that kind of relationship happens only once in a lifetime, that it's scarce. I'm open to love another man but right now, I feel like nobody would strike me the way he had, many, many years ago.
I've learned to be alone and sometimes, feel lonely, but I feel happy most of the time. I also feel that it's hard to imagine love in the abstract, without being in love and without having a guy in mind. Who knows, I might meet this fantastic guy but I only hold the image of the last electrifying guy I was with and who is gone.
So, basically, I stopped considering dating but I haven't given up on love later on in life. Since I'm really busy now and for about another year or so, I'm considering activities and trips to do once I have more free time. Maybe those activities and trips will lead me to meet a man but maybe they won't. It could happen that I would be single for the rest of my life and it's ok although it's not what I would wish for myself. I personally know women who are single and they have a great life, others tried to be in a relationship and suffered a lot. Being in a relationship is not always what it's cracked up to be so, if I have to live my life alone, I will make the best of it. But it would be nice to fall in love again and be with someone eventually.
