Young and Lonely, Losing Hope

Hi,

I am 17 years old and have had a lonely life since I was in grammar school. In the 5th grade my best-friend left to another state, this left me completely alone. I remember sitting completely alone on the curb of the sand-box, watching everyone around me play and laugh. From that year onward I began to people watch, studying my peers, the children around me, how they acted and what they were like. By the time I reached 9th grade, I gave up on making friends and gave up on my peers, I began to develop a hatred for them and soon I was not only lonely, but now very anti-social. This has continued into my last year of highschool and now I sit alone everyday doing school from home because the pressure of being literally ALONE every single day at a school with 2000 kids begins to eat your heart. When you begin to see the same faces everyday, and they begin to notice you are never accompanied, the shame of your own failure sets in and rips its vicious claws at your already suffering ego.

Over the past two years, I have considered why I became this way, why I never was able to become like everyone else that seemed so normal. Why was I any different? I am handsome, receive good grades and have a wealthy family. So why was it I who was not born with a natural ability to even make friends with the 'weird kids' or the 'nerds', at the least? Even those who were courageous enough to reach out to me and try to be my friend, I could find no conversation to make with them. I always seem to fall short of any words that could possibly help. I am no person to make conversation, I know this, but why?

Please, can any of you tell me if you seem to have no words to say to someone new you meet. Is it you nervousness, is your secrets they may find out? Why am I like this?

I have no friends, literally no friends. I try to go out for sports and make friends but am always overlooked because I am too quiet, too shy to make a mark on the team. I try to branch and when I do I end up completely humiliating myself because I stutter and cannot carry a conversation.

My life consists of waking up to do my schoolwork and having to no contact with friends, no one to embrace, no one to invite me to go places, no one to tell me they miss me. Can this be all there is to my life? It takes every fiber of my being to not bring my life to an end. That seems to be only escape from this endless dark that is my life.



I just want a friend. I just want a companion. Is that so much to ask for?

You have literally just wrote up my entire life. Except I'm 16 and homeschooled.

You know what was my problem? Shyness. Stemming from me being too self-critical. My problem was specifically being overweight. Once I lost it all I was finally able to have the confidence to "speak up" to others and be more outgoing.

Don't worry, you got college ahead of you, and so do I!

You seem to have answered the first part of your question yourself: you don't have conversational skills. Why that is, I don't know you well enough to answer. Have you tried communicating with people online? I suggest messaging someone on this site or going into chat2 (link is on the top right of this forum) to "practice."

often times when I'm with people, I find it hard to think of anything to say. I'm not trying to be standoffish with them, and sometimes making small talk just seems so utterly pointless. I have learned by interacting with others that there are some things that should just not be said. my innermost thoughts and feelings, the ones that I am free to post on this board, are not socially acceptable. but this is who I am. when you take that away from me, what else do I have? what else can I talk about?

perhaps this describes you as well as myself.

I find it hard to think of things to talk about with people as well and, for this reason, I prefer to go to things like reading groups where there is something to focus on and talk about ie the book we are reading. It helps bring you out of your shell, because your own individuality and experiences influence how you interpret the book and so it helps you reveal yourelf to others in a non threatening way. And noone is forced to talk. Maybe you could do something similar?

AlexRamos said:

I am handsome, receive good grades and have a wealthy family. So why was it I who was not born with a natural ability to even make friends with the 'weird kids' or the 'nerds', at the least?

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No offense but you might be one of the "weird kids". You just need to expand on your interests. If you get good grades in school try to join a club in your favorite subject.

Anten said:

AlexRamos said:

I am handsome, receive good grades and have a wealthy family. So why was it I who was not born with a natural ability to even make friends with the 'weird kids' or the 'nerds', at the least?

Click to expand...

No offense but you might be one of the "weird kids". You just need to expand on your interests. If you get good grades in school try to join a club in your favorite subject.

Click to expand...

Dont listen to that, youre not one of the "weird kids" dont let anyone make you think that. But I will say that his advice to join a club would help quite a lot, whatever it is youre interested in, see if theres a club for it.

Hang in there brother. You sound mature enough to understand that highschool is not the 'end all, be all' of life. There's a lot more to life after highschool and a lot of options open up after it. I was in a similar situation, and I found that a year after highschool I didn't want anything to do with the people in my graduating class. I guess my advice would be to seek out like minded individuals, or just work on yourself and get a strong sense of who you are. Having a strong sense of self leads to confidence whether you know it or not and people will eventually take notice.

Just don't let it beat you, don't let it get to you.

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I understand you completely. The truth is my friend we are living in an age where people just dont want to talk about anything of a negative personal experience. They want nice simple responses to (for some of us) very difficult questions. I can say that if you have a hobbie or likes or you follow the news or television shows these are things that you can talk about which may allow you with the right person to go deeper. Most people do not want to go deeper than scratching the surface so dont bother you may have to go through 100 people to find a connection but you will find you will make them. Maybe not best friends forever but a genuine sharing of personal truths. Also you might want to remember that some people dont want to talk about certain things because it opens wounds in them or if they are empathetic and cannot help you only frustrate them, so they would rather not go there.
But let me say Be who you are - only then will you find those that truly appreciate you ,but also that you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you are being true to you> I wish you the best and again I understand what its like to want to talk about the real stuff.

keep trying Alex. Make more of an effort to meet people. College should be a great opportunity.

One tip of advice: For many, depending on your line of work, it's significantly harder to meet people after college.

Make long lasting friendships now.

I graduated 2 years ago.

Well I am like you. I have no ability to socialize, outside the net. I just say it is because I am a defective human who needs to be culled. However once my cat has died that is my plan. Then again, I might not. Since I recently got a work from home job. I might change my mind if I can hide 90% of the time. Especially if I buy a house.

Anyway, back to you. You are coming to your last year of high school. I say read a few books on socializing. Then go to college far away. Then reinvent yourself. That is what I say. Go where you have a clean slate and start over.