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Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
05-12-2012, 01:44 PM
Post: #1
Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
Each day I wake up and it's just more of the same. I go to work, go to the gym, and come home. I read or go on the computer. I go to sleep and go to work again the next day. Sure I've tried doing different things. I've tried hiking, going to bars, going to the park... everything just seems so dull when I'm alone. I see the couples holding hands, and I envy them. I see the children playing, and I miss the innocence. Sometimes when I get home I pretend there's someone there to hug me. But there isn't. Sometimes I pretend I'm talking to someone about my feelings. But there's nobody. All that's there is cold emptiness.

Sometimes I wonder, if I disappeared, if anyone would notice. I suppose someone would notice I wasn't showing up to work after a few days. Maybe they'd file a missing person report, but nothing would come of it. No one would search for me. Sure I have a decent job. I'm accumulating wealth. There's people in this world who would literally kill to have my life. But I don't like it.

I am merely a cog in a corporate machine, nothing more. I'm just a soulless machine. Void of feeling and heart. When a machine is decommissioned, it's not afraid or sad. It doesn't care. It existed only to to complete tasks, not to have feelings. I've become like the machine. I exist only to complete tasks. Not to love and share happiness with others. No, love and happiness are inefficient and unnecessary. I'm just a cold, empty machine. When a machine breaks, nobody cries. No funerals are held for broken machines. They're just quietly replaced. Just like the machines, I would be replaced. And no one would notice.
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05-12-2012, 02:00 PM (This post was last modified: 05-12-2012 02:06 PM by apathy.)
Post: #2
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
I'm a 17 yr old girl. I relate to everything you've said above, and I don't know if that's any consolation but I do. There's a voice ringing in my head, "Don't treat your self, all that you do and what not as a task, and you won't be going about your life merely completing tasks." *shrugs* It's a hypothesis of mine, I'm not sure just yet if it'd work but it just might. So, I am sabotaging the "wonderful life" I have got going, what the people around me have pegged as wonderful and coerced me into leading this banal existence. So, yeah, I am going to sabotage it and fight for my life because it IS my life. Might have to run away, or stir things up so that these people will realize that, "No, I'm not okay." I want to find myself, because all my life I've been living as a phony, up to these expectations that have been set upon me or that I have set upon myself, to "prove my worth" so to speak. But the more I try to prove my worth, the less worth I can derive from my self. Now I'm just an empty shell, and this has to stop.

"The world needs dreamers
and the world needs doers.
But above all,
the world needs dreamers who do."
- Sarah Ban Breathnach
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05-12-2012, 03:26 PM
Post: #3
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
Just surviving isn't enough of a reason to exist... and I think successful people understand that more than anyone else (not that I'm a successful person). We're discouraged from suicide by society and doctors (and maybe friends and family for some of you), but I life is like a cake: I've had a slice, and I really feel no desire to continue shoveling the rest of it down my throat.
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05-12-2012, 03:47 PM (This post was last modified: 05-12-2012 05:14 PM by Lonesome Crow.)
Post: #4
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
Been there and done that.

I cant take any of this shit seriously anymore beuase itll chips at me little by little.
I must remain positive and see beyound all of it somehow.
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05-13-2012, 01:40 AM
Post: #5
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
It breaks my heart to read some of what you have all written here...

I'm not much of a friend, but my inbox is always open to anyone who wishes to drop a line.
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05-13-2012, 03:19 AM
Post: #6
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
You're definately not alone in feeling this way. My routine is quite similar, especially during the week. Weekends, I do usually get out on a hike with some "friends". But otherwise I feel like I'm lost in a repeating loop. I do have a cat, which helps the condo not to feel so cold and empty. Have you thought about a dog or cat? They do help keep you from feeling quite so lonely.
(05-12-2012 01:44 PM)Nobody45 Wrote:  Each day I wake up and it's just more of the same. I go to work, go to the gym, and come home. I read or go on the computer. I go to sleep and go to work again the next day. Sure I've tried doing different things. I've tried hiking, going to bars, going to the park... everything just seems so dull when I'm alone. I see the couples holding hands, and I envy them. I see the children playing, and I miss the innocence. Sometimes when I get home I pretend there's someone there to hug me. But there isn't. Sometimes I pretend I'm talking to someone about my feelings. But there's nobody. All that's there is cold emptiness.

Sometimes I wonder, if I disappeared, if anyone would notice. I suppose someone would notice I wasn't showing up to work after a few days. Maybe they'd file a missing person report, but nothing would come of it. No one would search for me. Sure I have a decent job. I'm accumulating wealth. There's people in this world who would literally kill to have my life. But I don't like it.

I am merely a cog in a corporate machine, nothing more. I'm just a soulless machine. Void of feeling and heart. When a machine is decommissioned, it's not afraid or sad. It doesn't care. It existed only to to complete tasks, not to have feelings. I've become like the machine. I exist only to complete tasks. Not to love and share happiness with others. No, love and happiness are inefficient and unnecessary. I'm just a cold, empty machine. When a machine breaks, nobody cries. No funerals are held for broken machines. They're just quietly replaced. Just like the machines, I would be replaced. And no one would notice.
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05-13-2012, 03:35 AM
Post: #7
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
You are living the sort of life which society has deemed to be successful-the 'good' job, the accumulation of money, the independence-but have found the utter emptiness at its heart. I can only suggest that you think long and carefully about what YOU want, and then make changes and get the sort of life which is fulfilling for you.
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05-13-2012, 12:16 PM (This post was last modified: 05-13-2012 01:04 PM by firebird85.)
Post: #8
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
I really have nothing in this life. No friends, no girlfriends, hypocritical parents, no job, no college degree, etc. I haven't had much going for me for almost a decade. I have alot of problems with the human race and this so called world we are living in. I don't exist to anybody. I don't really like to talk about any of this stuff too much because everyone dismisses it. I spend 99% of my time in despair now. I try to avoid going in stores now - seeing people working a job makes me want to tear up. I hate when it's daytime. I like it better when it's night time. Fits better for a person like me. I have a good idea of what my road is going to be for the next few decades. I am going to be "attempting" to -create- a life. An actual one. I don't have one now and I am not living either. I am just examining this thing called a "life" that everybody else has from within my glass box. It gets lonely in here sometimes. But what can I do about it? This isn't a world. It is an illusion and a slave colony. Waking up everyday is just an illusion.The rest of the human race is in this box too but they aren't woken up like me. I don't really feel happy or sad. Just in between. Achieving real happiness is impossible in this current state. The more I think about things the more I realize that the happiness I am searching for, the satisfaction I am searching for, (not money/relationships/and materialistic items) is unobtainable.

The good news for people like us is, is that one of these "moments" (I don't call them days, or years), we won't be "living" anymore. Just have to wait for it to come. I'm not getting out of "this" alive. I'm going to dissapear one "moment" and so are all of you. Once you wake up from your slumber, you realize how right I am.

Look at everything going on in the world around you. The human race has always been like this. It's only now in modern times that we see a clearer snapshot of the truth and reality.
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05-14-2012, 02:53 AM
Post: #9
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
(05-12-2012 01:44 PM)Nobody45 Wrote:  Each day I wake up and it's just more of the same. I go to work, go to the gym, and come home. I read or go on the computer. I go to sleep and go to work again the next day. Sure I've tried doing different things. I've tried hiking, going to bars, going to the park... everything just seems so dull when I'm alone. I see the couples holding hands, and I envy them. I see the children playing, and I miss the innocence. Sometimes when I get home I pretend there's someone there to hug me. But there isn't. Sometimes I pretend I'm talking to someone about my feelings. But there's nobody. All that's there is cold emptiness.

Sometimes I wonder, if I disappeared, if anyone would notice. I suppose someone would notice I wasn't showing up to work after a few days. Maybe they'd file a missing person report, but nothing would come of it. No one would search for me. Sure I have a decent job. I'm accumulating wealth. There's people in this world who would literally kill to have my life. But I don't like it.

I am merely a cog in a corporate machine, nothing more. I'm just a soulless machine. Void of feeling and heart. When a machine is decommissioned, it's not afraid or sad. It doesn't care. It existed only to to complete tasks, not to have feelings. I've become like the machine. I exist only to complete tasks. Not to love and share happiness with others. No, love and happiness are inefficient and unnecessary. I'm just a cold, empty machine. When a machine breaks, nobody cries. No funerals are held for broken machines. They're just quietly replaced. Just like the machines, I would be replaced. And no one would notice.

I'm 26 years old. I have a decent job and a college degree. I feel the same way as you do. I pretty much wish I wasn't alive anymore either.
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05-14-2012, 03:23 AM
Post: #10
RE: Anyone just not care if they live anymore? (NOT a suicide threat)
OP I'm sorry to hear you feel this way, I do myself so at you are not alone. I try to take things one day at a time but it's hard
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