Unable to trust / feeling welcome

Hello there...

I wanted to make this topic to maybe get a few advices on a certain problem I have. I did not plan anything out so I will try to write it down as it comes up in my mind and make a logical sentence out of it.

Well where do I start... I have a special problem where I find it surprisingly difficult to trust peoples intentions and believe what they say.
It makes me afraid of actually being to clingy or annoying and I keep asking people if I bother them
(Especially because when there is a person I can genuinely enjoy being with I tend to try to spend as much time with that person as possible.)
Yet when they tell me over and over again that they don't I still have a weird feeling in my stomach afterwards.

For example when someone tells me in an instant message that she has to go to an appointment I am being suspicious and just can't shake that attitude off.
I think it might be caused because once when I was still in school I overheard people who claimed to be my friends talking bad about me behind my back...
I felt like an idiot during that time but I figured it was better than being alone. The biggest problem is that I even think strangers would be laughing about me
when I drive the bus for example. I have to keep telling myself that it is just my imagination. I feel like I am getting crazy and I dont know what I could do.

I hope this at least makes a little sense and I appreciate all comments and advices

Hey Juri,

I've had the same problem, thinking that people make up excuses not to spend time with me and that strangers are laughing about me... I think it's basically a self-confidence problem. When you don't really like yourself, it's hard to imagine that others do. As for the strangers, I know it's not easy, but try being rational. You are just a normal person on a bus. It's so much more likely that one of them said something funny and that's the reason for their laughter. Think of why you would laugh in public: For me it's either because the person I'm with said or did something funny or I received a funny text message, or I might grin because I'm remembering something funny. And if people keep looking at you, they're probably just interested in you, or they like the way you look.

When you are with someone you like, try not to ask them too much if you're bothering them. They probably like being with you and if you keep addressing that topic, it might make them feel uncomfortable because you seem to be uncomfortable. As you don't feel better when they tell you they enjoy your company, try looking for the little things instead: Do they smile, laugh about things you say, tell you things,...? That way, people show you if they enjoy being with you. Generally, try to remember your good qualities that make you likeable. It sounds cheesy, but I've found that it actually helps.

well...sometimes people do talk and do things behind my back...

I trust people about as far as I can throw them.

I dont even try to figure out people anymore. People are doomed to failure at onetime or another.
So i stopped racking my mind about it oneway or the other.

I can only control my own actions, thoughts and feelings...and that's the reality of
if it.

Your speaking about triggers or retriggers....

Sometimes the feelings comes first...other times the thoughts.
I dont even try to figure that honeysuckle out no more either.
I just let go and drop it as best i can. Kind of nub it right then and there.
If the feelings and thoughts comes up again....I let go and drop it again.
It gets all ridiculous to me now...so it gose through me rather quickly or automatically now.
My brain or me just got sick and tire of it. There's nothing to be solve, resolved, figure out,
forgive, accepted....ect. Just a lot of ideas and concepts that just gets my head spinning
oneway or the other. And i know it's just honeysuckle that gose in my head.
Thats the mechanics of it......

i first and sometimes i still do it...I take a deep breath and breath out as if Im
breathing out all that negative feelings and thoughts out of me....letting go.

I also notice when I get stressed, worried or tense...my breathing stops.
Therefore cuasing my body to tense up or go into anxiety mode...

Its as simple as just breathing.

I just focus on positive thoughts and feelings now. Keeping it simple like this.

Ive read plenty of self help books, attend support groups, spoke to counselor, preachers, fools...ect
Eveyone have there own ways of coping.....

I think your on the right track of telling yourself it's just crazy honeysuckle in your head...
But maybe you havnt learn to let go and relax again...still holding it in kind of da.

Here's a recovery tool that might be helpful to you....
"what other people thinks or say about me is none of my business"

I go through similar troubles, of not being able to trust people. I always think someone is going to hurt me.

Hello Juri and welcome! I agree with the other posters that give such sound advice. Sometimes it's true, people do enjoy being nasty behind ones back, like a fun past time when they are bored or something. We should try, like suggested, not always ask or imply we are bothering. Be with those who makes you feel good. Also it is true one gets to be disappointed even with people one trust or the other way around they get dissapointed in you. Forgive even if you don't forget. For your own sake. Leave people who are hurtful. *hugs* to all that needs one

Remember that everybody does... everybody has said something about someone else even if it was out of concern. Just consider it something as a normal thing that happens. Perfection doesn't exist so there's always complaints with people. When friends talk behind your back and it's in a mean way and untrue, then they are being crappy friends. Better that you know now rather than a few years or so down the road. Trust yourself and you will feel better about yourself. You don't have to be too trusting with other people. If someone laughs as you walk by for instance, it might be that they were talking about something else or it is possible because people can be mean like that. They probably laugh at others who walk or drive by too. It just shows their true character and just be glad and happy of yourself that you don't go to their level. You shouldn't feel self conscious around that kind of behavior.

I thank you kindly for all your answers

You are paranoid and in trying to make yourself feel better, you seek reinforcement repeatedly, which is alienating others.

I can relate and have been there.

One thing that helped me was realizing that people don't always do exactly what they say they will do, even if it is their intention to do so. I.E. they don't always follow through.

For example, if they say they'll call you tomorrow and it takes three days for them to call, or if they never call, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like you. If they say "hey lets do blahblahblah together" and they don't get back to you, it doesn't always mean that they aren't interested. Sometimes it does but people can be really absent-minded and they say a lot of honeysuckle they don't actually do. Drives me crazy, but that's the way it is.

As far as you thinking they are talking behind your back, most people are more likely to fixate on their own problems and physical appearances then worry about others. BUT, the people that do talk bad about others generally have a very unstable sense of self.