How Do You Explain Your Life To Your Girlfriend?

I don't have one, of course. But if my some miracle I do get one, well, 23 years, sooner or later, they're wanna know what happened with the rest of your life.

Most girls, if they know that you had depression and didn't do much and your life sucked, they would walk out with without saying a word. If you have a like me, and even lucky enough to get a girlfriend and mange to do so, well that is awesome.

The onyl way to find someone like that, is if they have an open mind and undrstanding, maybe if they are like you. Uusally people who are loners, do not end up with most people, such as those who have a full life ahead of them, generally happy. Someone who likes to party a lot, Someone who is into a lot of activities, like sports, Olympics etc, because that don't want some nobody bringing them down, at least that's what I think.

The other day, I looked at The Chronicle Hareald and there was girls there and thought to myself. No way would any of those girls want anything to do with me.

So, To avoid a breakup, do you lie about your past and who you are, or just avoid it. It would probably better to lie, if you are good at covering it up. Me, I could probably be a good lier, because how would it show. I would they find out I was a no one, as long as I don't say I'm popular and have a lot of friends, because soon er or later, they will want to meet these people and you will have to keep coming up with excuses. When I find someone to have a conversation with, there is really nothing to talk about, because I'm a failure at so many things, especially at communication skills. I rarely do well in a conversation, and I don't say much, to avoid saying the wrong thing, which happens quite often.

I don't like to lie, and I don't do it often. I don't want to be too open, but no too closed either. I can't be happy and say how my summer was with my friends, or my friends or doing this or that later on, because I don't have any.

Have you ever gotten away with covering up your past/life, keeping it a secret? It's so hard to find someone who is excepting. So easy to scare people off, and I try so hard. When I have a conversation, it's liek walking through a mine field that is rigged with mines, anything you say could set them off. The girl who I talk to on Facebook. I rarely have a conversation with her, But I had more then one conversation, so it was successful, even though I didn't say much. I usually do the talking, but she does asks some questions and stuff, which is nice. She is not my type, but it's good to communicate with someone, especially someone within Halifax. Last night, I'm not sure if I scared her off. I told her that I was a big fan of The Hunger Games (which is the truth, I never lied to her). She asked me about the merchandise I have of it, since I said I had a bunch and I told her I have to posters by my bed. She said. Good night. She didn't sign off right away like they usually do I've set off a mine. She hasn't blocked or unfriended me, which is a good sign. This was via Facebook chat.

I'm quick to assume to due to my past experiences and stuff. She probably doesn’t know I'm a loner, nor did I bring it up. She probably doesn't know I have Autism, which I don't think I brought that up either. A girlfriend will be much different, since you probably spend a lot of time with one.

It's usually not until things are already moving along nicely and starting to get serious that you would feel forced to talk about these kinds of things. By that time it usually doesn't matter how crappy your past was. They are in a relationship with you, not your past.

Don't assume that you can't do this and that without giving it a go. You gain nothing from rejecting yourself before you even give the girls a chance to like you.

Ox Blood said:

You are entitled to keep secrets. However, once you've met that one special person, I assume you wouldn't want to keep them hidden for long...

Relationships are about sharing your life with someone: The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between.

It's truly precious when you know there is someone who accepts you for everything that you are, faults and all.

If they can't accept you for who you are, then why waste your time? Find someone who will.

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But what if I get a girlfriend, and she isn't that someone special? I wouldn't know for sometimes. What if it's someone pretending to like to take advantage of me. It has been done before.

Lost Soul said:

Ox Blood said:

You are entitled to keep secrets. However, once you've met that one special person, I assume you wouldn't want to keep them hidden for long...

Relationships are about sharing your life with someone: The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between.

It's truly precious when you know there is someone who accepts you for everything that you are, faults and all.

If they can't accept you for who you are, then why waste your time? Find someone who will.

Click to expand...

But what if I get a girlfriend, and she isn't that someone special? I wouldn't know for sometimes. What if it's someone pretending to like to take advantage of me. It has been done before.

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Oh, this game... Yes, we can play the "What If" game all day

Life is about getting out of your comfort zone: Daring yourself to do things that frighten you. Yes, the unknown is scary. No, you may not always get what you want... But life can always surprise you.

Or, alternatively, you can live in the comfort of never leaving your comfort-zone. But are you content with living a life full of "What If's"?

The beauty of choice.

I suppose the most important thing is to continue to hope and dream that there is some one for you, rather than worry about all the people you, 'think', wouldn't be interested in you.

Everyone lies about who they are every day, especially in the dating scene. You wouldn't, for instance, start talking about seriously personal things that have no place in a conversation with some one you just met, would you?

There is also a distinction between flat out lies, such as saying, "I'm a stock broker," when in fact you are a janitor. That would not be a nice thing to do to some one as they may be looking to attract wealthy business men, so it wouldn't end well for either of you.

However, the other kind of lie, is a lie of omission. Lies of omission are very common in the dating scene because we are our most vulnerable when some one really knows all of our weaknesses. So in such situations we try to establish common ground, petty and seemingly unimportant things to talk about that aren't really important so much in the content, as the nature of the social dynamic that evolves.

I think the example you have given above about letting this girl you spoke of do most of the talking is a good start. It sounds like you are aware of your dispositions and allow people enough space to sort of steer the conversation in a way that won't expose a weakness of yours that may be misunderstood.

I personally have a great friend, in fact, my best friend, who supposedly has assburgers. When we first met there were some miscommunications, but when I got to know him, that didn't change anything. We became great friends and he has never seemed weird or strange or different, 'to me'. So perhaps you underestimate the opposite sex. There might just be a girl out there with her own set of strange life experiences that allows her to be, blind, so to speak to what you see as weaknesses.

Keep dreaming and hoping as well as working towards your goal, and if your lucky, you might just be surprised!

It's OK that I ask, because I nothing but bad experiences in every aspect of life. Due to so many bad experiences, the chances (if I get someone) and their either not legit, or turns out they didn't love me after all. It is not a game. Maybe I'm just not suppose to have anyone and I should just give up and wither away.

I've been trying all my life, more like chasing a ghost, because I'm either un-noticed, or judged. If I met someone who is the girl of my dreams, who understands me, I will know soon enough and I wouldn't have any trouble explain my past to her if or when she is interested. Most people get curious, but they don't like drama and hearing about how your life sucks. The fair thing is, if they ask, I answer.

Sometimes, you won't know if the girl is the girl of your dreams or similar, for quite some time. As it, would take me quite a long time to get used to it, becuase it would be hard to believe. She may also be nervous too, especially if it her first relationship and no experience. It may just take awhile to understand them, but if they ask before I'm sure, well. And, if it someone who doesn’t like drama. I don't know how I would handle if I finally get someone after all this time and I lose them, because they think I'm a drama queen, for just explaining how my life sucks, simply because I'm explaining my past to them, because their asked. I've seen similar things happen to me before, they ask a simple question, judge me for the answer and they're gone.

I think the only way I get someone like that as if their fake, what else kind of person would fall for me if they weren't legit? Because of my skills and knowledge, I would probably be able to tell soon enough. It only takes someone special to accept me, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it. The possibility of someone who is not legit, ending up with me is rare. I can't see them taking time and stuff to do that. I'm not like most people, not the kind that fakes would pretend to love and take advantage of someone, so I guess this topic is relevant, as I just realise, I think.

My situation is a bit different, because I have close friends, and I have a social network. I occasionally go out to concerts and things with friends, but generally spend the time at home: on the computer, recording music, reading, studying, playing video games, watching movies, etc.

I live with my family, which includes three kids. This will be a bit awkward, lest I begin dating someone and I have to find someplace other than home to have sex, but if that isn't an issue, it won't be a problem.

I am a college student, taking online courses. And I am looking for a job. This isn't permanent. I worry about what will happen once my mom passes; she is diabetic, and 61, so I know it won't be long before I will be saying goodbye.

I struggle socially sometimes, but I do okay. And I am able to live on my own; I've had two different apartments, and lived in the college dorms. I just am back, for a temporary stay.

kamya said:

It's usually not until things are already moving along nicely and starting to get serious that you would feel forced to talk about these kinds of things. By that time it usually doesn't matter how crappy your past was. They are in a relationship with you, not your past.

Don't assume that you can't do this and that without giving it a go. You gain nothing from rejecting yourself before you even giving the girls a chance to like you.

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I agree with this. I'd also like to add the question of why would you need to explain anything? She should be a part of your life and should already know what's going on.

VanillaCreme said:

kamya said:

It's usually not until things are already moving along nicely and starting to get serious that you would feel forced to talk about these kinds of things. By that time it usually doesn't matter how crappy your past was. They are in a relationship with you, not your past.

Don't assume that you can't do this and that without giving it a go. You gain nothing from rejecting yourself before you even giving the girls a chance to like you.

Click to expand...

I agree with this. I'd also like to add the question of why would you need to explain anything? She should be a part of your life and should already know what's going on.

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Yes, usually yes. But, was wondering about, if a situation arises where we start talking about are life, and past, before me being comfortable or knowing that she'll be OK with it. Like I may finally meet a girl, who sees something in me, and dosen't know about my past. Very unlikely but possible. It's probably me just being paranoid due to so many bad experiences of everything in the past, I just naturally assume something can go wrong, which I need to work on. I'm sure she'll know before we get into a relationship, and I would know her personality before that time comes.

girls like mysteries.

they also have a tendency to fill in the blanks.

just play coy, forever.

lol

she will just assume you are a former cia agent or something.

it's kind da sex dude....I'll show you mine, if you show me your's.
Women have skelletons in their closet too. I aint gonna trip on that.

Since youre a nudist and likes to bare everything all at once.
It's too much in people''s face all at once. So cant force feed people
a bouch of stuff they dont wanna eat....

Plus bringing up the past is kind da like bringing up trouble.
It gets all ridiculous and a waste of time and energy to hash out
something that's been done and you cant go back and change.

So it's better to just live for the moment. Build a history together.
Goodtimes. The past dosnt determend my future. What i do today
might have effects on tomorrow.

Anyway, most women Ive been with are rather into themselves.
Which is cool....it's like you wanna get into them and know them.
Ive learn listening skills. The most i can do really is to just let them
know i care....I cant fix them.
Lest say a chick has wieght issues and she wants to loose wieght.
I cant loose it for her. I cant exersize or eat right for her....

Sometimes they'll ask me...but it's like...
Ohly wow man...do you really really wanna know about my past???
that would include me talking about other women.
No..no...I dont fall for that trap.lol

If i mention my career...will that'll will just put her to sleep.lmao
She rather have me shave her legs and paint her nails for her.

I just do so many things and approch life different now than ive done in my past
anyways..so it's reality.

Ive laid all my cards on the table with women. Most of the women from my past
knows what happen to me even after we broke up...but there's children involved.
Since we're more mature as human beings. We can go about it in a non judgmental ways...
Cause thier lives got ...interesting too.lmao
But it's years and years...that we can do this now. Lots of freaken issues.
They pretty much just want me to be happy...as I want the same for them.

If you wanna talk about your troubles...go to support groups, counselor or forums...i guess.
Dont honeysuckle where you eat...kindda thing.

My life is easy to understand.

And if she isn't one of those judgmental people who don't understand social anxiety, then I should be good to go. Most people do, and I probably wouldn't want to go out with a judgmental girl, anyways.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

My life is easy to understand.

And if she isn't one of those judgmental people who don't understand social anxiety, then I should be good to go. Most people do, and I probably wouldn't want to go out with a judgmental girl, anyways.

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but it's like a oneway street with you..no???

You dont wanna go out with a chicks that has issues either...

I have issues...lots of them. The thing about it is...Im not going to tell women
Im dating my problems. The facts of the matter are...most if not all women dont want ot hear
about my problems...they have enough of their own problems and issues.
Plus i would be using it againt me.....
There's plenty of dudes out there without issues, better looking, more econamically secure or have life
going for them more than I do...
A woman is going to look for the best posible mate for her. Thats all there is to it. A lot guys understands this too.

How do you explain your life to your girlfriend? If she loves you, nothing you say should matter and you should be able to trust she will accept anything. If she doesn't love you and you don't trust, either a) your relationship is still maturing and it may be better to wait, or b) the relationship isn't going anywhere and you'd be better off apart.

My opinion, anyway.

jean-vic said:

How do you explain your life to your girlfriend? If she loves you, nothing you say should matter and you should be able to trust she will accept anything. If she doesn't love you and you don't trust, either a) your relationship is still maturing and it may be better to wait, or b) the relationship isn't going anywhere and you'd be better off apart.

My opinion, anyway.

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Thanks.

Lonesome Crow said:

it's kind da sex dude....I'll show you mine, if you show me your's.
Women have skelletons in their closet too. I aint gonna trip on that.

Since youre a nudist and likes to bare everything all at once.
It's too much in people''s face all at once. So cant force feed people
a bouch of stuff they dont wanna eat....

Plus bringing up the past is kind da like bringing up trouble.
It gets all ridiculous and a waste of time and energy to hash out
something that's been done and you cant go back and change.

So it's better to just live for the moment. Build a history together.
Goodtimes. The past dosnt determend my future. What i do today
might have effects on tomorrow.

Anyway, most women Ive been with are rather into themselves.
Which is cool....it's like you wanna get into them and know them.
Ive learn listening skills. The most i can do really is to just let them
know i care....I cant fix them.
Lest say a chick has wieght issues and she wants to loose wieght.
I cant loose it for her. I cant exersize or eat right for her....

Sometimes they'll ask me...but it's like...
Ohly wow man...do you really really wanna know about my past???
that would include me talking about other women.
No..no...I dont fall for that trap.lol

If i mention my career...will that'll will just put her to sleep.lmao
She rather have me shave her legs and paint her nails for her.

I just do so many things and approch life different now than ive done in my past
anyways..so it's reality.

Ive laid all my cards on the table with women. Most of the women from my past
knows what happen to me even after we broke up...but there's children involved.
Since we're more mature as human beings. We can go about it in a non judgmental ways...
Cause thier lives got ...interesting too.lmao
But it's years and years...that we can do this now. Lots of freaken issues.
They pretty much just want me to be happy...as I want the same for them.

If you wanna talk about your troubles...go to support groups, counselor or forums...i guess.
Dont honeysuckle where you eat...kindda thing.

Click to expand...

that is seriously solid advice

I get what you're saying but something bothers me. "Most girls, if they know that you had depression and didn't do much and your life sucked, they would walk out with without saying a word."

Anyone who would walk out of the door for having a troubled past is absolutely not worth having. If a Girl did that to me, I'd slam the door behind them, right after I shouted a few foul words x]

What I have done up to this point in life is tell a Girl I've liked about my past before (sometimes long before) anything has happened. That way they have no nasty surprises in future (Not that there is anything nastily surprising in my past. Lots of people where I live have probably lived like me, if not worse)

As for if I didn't do that, I have no idea when I'd tell a Girl about my past. I'd just worry about it when the time came.

Gutted said:

I get what you're saying but something bothers me. "Most girls, if they know that you had depression and didn't do much and your life sucked, they would walk out with without saying a word."

Anyone who would walk out of the door for having a troubled past is absolutely not worth having. If a Girl did that to me, I'd slam the door behind them, right after I shouted a few foul words x]

What I have done up to this point in life is tell a Girl I've liked about my past before (sometimes long before) anything has happened. That way they have no nasty surprises in future (Not that there is anything nastily surprising in my past. Lots of people where I live have probably lived like me, if not worse)

As for if I didn't do that, I have no idea when I'd tell a Girl about my past. I'd just worry about it when the time came.

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You can say this, but unless the girl has had depression or mental illness before, she won't understand. That's why it's always best to not say anything.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

You can say this, but unless the girl has had depression or mental illness before, she won't understand. That's why it's always best to not say anything.

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True. That what I was wondering.