dont even believe m alive anymore

23 never been so deprsed in my life
Lost eveerthn gonf on disability
But I now truly. Beleve this world is my hell I'm here to suffer
I try cbt , dbt, meds, everythinng. Try my ******* besst nothing helps

Last 3 days just laying o floor crying and no one even knows
Got no friends or family and applying fo disability

---

I constantly feel exhausted tis week
Sleep all day and night and try to play swtor which distracts me. A bit but m exhausted

---

Want to die tonight, lost everythign tbh and hate this lonelieness

Ill never have a gf nd hate it, I will take all my zolpidem sleepig pills with vodka and die to

well....you can always get clean and sober....
Lots of single chicks in recovery that just gone through break ups becuase
thier ex-bf wont get thier honeysuckle together.

My doc. bascailly put me on disability for the first year of my recovery.
I was only 22..but I was making honeysuckle loads of money and getting messed up
at work all the time. $1500 p week for a young kid.
I didnt loose everything...I was just wacked out from partying all the time.
I slept in my Z28. instead of going home becuase I thought my fucken house
was hunted....really really paraniod and seeing honeysuckle.lmao

He bascailly didnt want me to work and if I continue on my path...I'd died.
$2000 p month on disability. It wasnt enough for me, so I thought.lmao
Which is kind of retarted cuase I committed suiecide a couple of year prior.lol
I didnt wanna live no more.....
But....Im a walking miracle today.lol

I am clean and sober, I suffer from depression
I don't drink drug or smoke, was only gonna use vodka to barbiturate my sleeping pills and die

People will always judge me but truth is I did everything I was supposed to and still didn't work out for me
Ii

sorry about that dude...i did alot of stuff i was suppost to do and
it still didnt worked out for me.

Sorry you dont have family and friends to lean on.

Been depressed as messed too.

Cant help you with your women problems then...
U aint tried everything ...U havnt messed recovery chicks, yet.

I guess ..if your truth is people judge you. Then that's your truth.
And that's that....

3 steps
1# - See how is your life now
2# - see how is the life you always wanted to have
3# - see what you can do to make step 2# become real

Romantic_Flower said:

3 steps
1# - See how is your life now
2# - see how is the life you always wanted to have
3# - see what you can do to make step 2# become real

Click to expand...

This is good advice.

And people will always judge you no matter what you do. If you get too "high" in life people become jealous. If you're too "low" people hate you.

So ignore people and listen to your heart. What do you want?

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad... I definitely have felt a lot of those things myself. (All of them, actually!) I too feel that life is a test, to see how much pain I can take without breaking. That's the only way my life makes any sense at all. But I embrace the challenge, and have resolved to pass this test of strength, and not fail by killing myself.

Some days I just keep telling myself... Don't panic - this is only a test! *hugs*