Lonely or a loner?

I see myself as a loner mainly by choice. Have a wife and dog yes. But that's all. Don't really want to expand my universe. Takes too long to get to know someone new.
Like my own company. Other people are hard work and generally just as selfish as me. Have you ever noticed how many talkaholics there are in the world? How much people love the sound of their own voice? And they look like they are interested in you but actually just waiting for their turn at the microphone.
OK I'm exaggerating...but I mean at work you put on a face pretending you enjoy others company but boy am I glad to get home....!

Now today for instance I met an old acquaintance in the shopping centre. Friend of my wife's actually. I made the mistake of showing an interest in what he had to say. 40 minutes later I finally escape. I almost suffocated in his strangulating style of speech. Intense. piercing eye contact, as if to say, "Don't dare leave early, pay strict attention to what I have to say or else." My back ached the whole way through. he had absolutely no interest in my perspective on anything. Only as a stepping stone to his take on reality.
Now i feel guilty for starting this thread. As if I'm heartless to the lonely. I don't mind the lonely. it's just the talkaholic ones who don't take a breath when they speak. My advice? Listenj before you dump on others.
Now I'd better reply to someone else's thread or I will look like a right hypocrite!:club:

I'm the lonely rather than loner type. Most of my time is spent alone and I'm tired of listening to myself speak. I was at my best when I raised my son. We had lots of company at that times too, all my son's friends. Now I'm alone and I hate it. Most days just stare at 4 walls or at the computer, but even the computer gets boring at times. Wish I had a significant other but don't look like its in the cards for me.

Pretty much both.

I'm comfortable being a loner but deep inside I'm lonely too. Cause there's not many people that understand me. I talk to people but sometimes I just go back to my shell. I don't mean to do it intensionly but I have trust issues. And there's only a few that I do trust. It takes a lot for me to fully connect with anyone and put my wall down.

I am a loner as well.

Im a loner. I don't have any friends and it seems friends are more problems then needed. But I do like you guys here.

I can be one of those talkaholic types. It's obnoxious, being that sort of individual. Usually some vice (alcohol) or nervous tick triggers it, unless I am with someone I genuinely trust and feel at ease just to have normal conversation. Other times, I spend long periods of saying nothing and just get over-excited to actually talk to others.

But, still. It's like word-vomit. More often than not, I internally try to tell myself to hush, the more nervous I seem to get and more just spews out. Sometimes the words come out so fast, they get entangled and are incoherent as a result. Very unattractive, lol.

aribeth said:

I'm the lonely rather than loner type. Most of my time is spent alone and I'm tired of listening to myself speak. I was at my best when I raised my son. We had lots of company at that times too, all my son's friends. Now I'm alone and I hate it. Most days just stare at 4 walls or at the computer, but even the computer gets boring at times. Wish I had a significant other but don't look like its in the cards for me.

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Better to be alone than with an abusive partner.

WallflowerGirl83 said:

Pretty much both.

I'm comfortable being a loner but deep inside I'm lonely too. Cause there's not many people that understand me. I talk to people but sometimes I just go back to my shell. I don't mean to do it intensionly but I have trust issues. And there's only a few that I do trust. It takes a lot for me to fully connect with anyone and put my wall down.

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If the truth be known I am too. Maybe I'm in denial.

Unwanted94 said:

I am a loner as well.

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I love loners. More individual than cliquey type.

soresoul said:

Im a loner. I don't have any friends and it seems friends are more problems then needed. But I do like you guys here.

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You mean to say I'm loveable?

potato said:

I can be one of those talkaholic types. It's obnoxious, being that sort of individual. Usually some vice (alcohol) or nervous tick triggers it, unless I am with someone I genuinely trust and feel at ease just to have normal conversation. Other times, I spend long periods of saying nothing and just get over-excited to actually talk to others.

But, still. It's like word-vomit. More often than not, I internally try to tell myself to hush, the more nervous I seem to get and more just spews out. Sometimes the words come out so fast, they get entangled and are incoherent as a result. Very unattractive, lol.

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I put you miles ahead of the ones without any insight!

I totally feel you isthatso, sometimes it seems like people suffer from, as George Carlin said it, verbal diarrhea. The main reason that I became a loner was exactly what you said, that people never listen to what you have to say, just wait their turn to talk. I',m a person who likes mutual conversations, and I'm surprised of how few people will actually listen to what others have to say nowadays. Fortunately, most people in this site seem to accept mutual conversations, and that's why I like this forum

I used to be lonely. Then I embraced loneliness as it became my one and only friend. And then I became a loner. I can now be both a loner or a sociable person but if you ask me? I'd prefer to be a loner.

I tend to enjoy my peace but have never felt like learning about other people to be a waste of time. Occasionally I feel the need to kill someone for embracing an opinion I despise, of course, but there's always a chance that I find others with common interest and beliefs.

Lonely for sure, but now engrained within personality to the point that even if I could find friends I would probably scare them away, or at least have to withdraw.

Yeah, I know I am sitting right next to one who just cannot shut the fresia up. I live with him too. It does not matter if I have headphones on, it does not matter if I am not responding it does not matter. If I am around and might hear him. He will make sounds.

I'm both. I've always wanted and needed my own space to think and recharge. Being around others can dilute my experience of life. But I get lonely a lot because I just don't get the amount of contact I need. I crave connection, but it needs to be deep, meaningful connection.

harmony said:

I'm both. I've always wanted and needed my own space to think and recharge. Being around others can dilute my experience of life. But I get lonely a lot because I just don't get the amount of contact I need. I crave connection, but it needs to be deep, meaningful connection.

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I think I do too. Maybe we all do. That's why people turn to God or Buddha, because human connection is never quite enough.

As I get older, I become less flexible and willing to fit in with others who want the limelight or act as the authority in conversations. The knowall. I'm starting to just walk away when I can sense that someone is using me as an extension of their ego. I just prefer gentle quiet people now. I can't stand loud, uneducated, ill-informed, opinionated, dismissive types anymore.
I just want gentle conversations these days with people who don't know it all and can laugh at themselves.
But it is difficult to find people who really understand us. And allow for our flaws. Fortunately I've got one person, a partner. hard to imagine how I'd survive without her. But I guess we need to not put too much pressure on others. Don't expect them to understand all our idiosyncrasies. Just treat anything good as a bonus in life, not a right.

A bit of both actually. I actively pursue people (who are interested in me), and have a tendency not to share things with people I care about, since I'm actually worried about their feelings.

I'm a loner by choice but not by heart.

One day I will allow myself to go out there again. Until then I am holding my breath and working for the future.

isthatso said:

I see myself as a loner mainly by choice. Have a wife and dog yes. But that's all. Don't really want to expand my universe. Takes too long to get to know someone new.
Like my own company. Other people are hard work and generally just as selfish as me. Have you ever noticed how many talkaholics there are in the world? How much people love the sound of their own voice? And they look like they are interested in you but actually just waiting for their turn at the microphone.
OK I'm exaggerating...but I mean at work you put on a face pretending you enjoy others company but boy am I glad to get home....!

Click to expand...

LOL

I have 2 room-mates who I barely talk to and when we meet in the kitchen or in the corridor I just try to end up the convo as soon as possible.
We don't speak to each other and when I think about it I find it better this way.
We are so different and I can't even possibly allow myself to think that we would ever be friends or even talk to each other at all if it wasn't for the fact that we share an apartment.

Sad but true.